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Money matters

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Original poster

In debt please help

22 replies

3dogsandababy · 30/05/2022 23:38

I used to be a really good saver but since I went on maternity leave I've gone through all of my money and now I'm in £12k debt. £8k split between 2 credit cards and £4k on a loan for my car I had pre-pregnancy.
I don't believe in "get rich quick" schemes, however if anyone has personal experience I will definitely consider them!
Please can some one offer me advice on how to proactively clear my debt?
For info:

earnings £1k ish a month
bills & mortgage £650 a month
loan payment £210 a month
the rest is spent on food, petrol and nappies

I literally have no spare cash after being paid so I'm struggling to pay off my credit cards, hence why they've got out of control. I also suffer from anxiety/pnd which the debt isn't helping but I think initially caused the debt as it took over a year to admit I was struggling and so I spent money like I used to when my wage was better pre-baby. Thank you!

OP posts:

Stayfreshcheesebags · 30/05/2022 23:44

I rang all.my creditors after covid destroyed my finances and they were all very understanding and have stopped interest and charges and agreed to reduced payments too. It does mean I defaulted but it's worth it as I'm less stressed and the capital is actually getting paid off rather than drowning in interest

Stayfreshcheesebags · 30/05/2022 23:46

Once you speak to them you'll feel much better. Have your income and expenditure ready. You could always email them first if you feel too anxious to speak them initially

ElephantsFart · 30/05/2022 23:52

I would get some support with the debt. Ring Step Change or your local Citizens Advice. They can help you and give a bit of a hand hold through the process. They can also check that you’re claiming all you’re entitled to.

Goawayangryman · 30/05/2022 23:54

What does your baby's dad contribute? Are you together? Guessing not. If you are, and you are seeing this as your problem, then ... That is the problem. If you are single with no support from your baby's father then you basically need to earn more. Do you have childcare help? On that salary with a child you should get help thru UC.

Original poster

3dogsandababy · 31/05/2022 00:11

Thank you for this, I shall phone for advice on my lunch break tomorrow.
I am married and my husband contributes to the majority of our bills, roughly £850 a month as he's the top earner. He also pays most of our nursery fees.
I haven't been entirely honest with him as to the amount of my debt, however he does know I have a balance on my credit card that I'm struggling to pay off. He has no savings, he would give them to me if he did.
As he has a decent wage and we're married I'm not entitled to any benefits except child benefit which is what I spend on nappies and the odd day out with friends to get us socialised to improve my anxiety - these days are rare but very important for my mental health so I view the money spent on them as a necessity.

OP posts:

caringcarer · 31/05/2022 00:29

You need to be totally honest with your DH as all debt within a marriage is joint debt even if only one of the partners run it up. Tell him, he may be angry at first but then may help you clear it.

caringcarer · 31/05/2022 00:30

Does he have or could he get a credit card with 0 percent interest and transfer debt on to that.

ClassicGreen · 31/05/2022 00:36

Have you heard of Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps programme? Worth looking into on YouTube. You cut out every unnecessary spend, build a small 'emergency fund' and then prioritise paying down the smallest debt first. Throw everything you can into paying that off. Once that is paid, it gives you a mental boost and you put everything into paying the next debt and so on. It really does work.

I can understand not wanting to tell DH about the debt. It is hard. A mix of pride, shame and independence kept me from talking. I'd try if you can. If you cant yet, thats ok too. Maybe if you take some steps to get the debt down first, then you can talk to him?

And keep up with those odd meet ups with friends, if that's what keeps you well. Just don't put them on the credit card!

Good luck.

BlueTitSmilingAtMe · 31/05/2022 00:36

You really have to tell your husband. It's not just your debt: as a pp said because you're married if you take on debt you've got him into debt as well. Then both of you sit down and work out a budget and a plan. Contact the cab and stepchange.

SD1978 · 31/05/2022 01:29

You have to tell him. If he earned more, then he's going to have to contribute more to get the debt paid down. You need to be honest as to how, on a decent double wage, you've gotten into this, and take responsibility for it. Neither of you have savings, and you're both going to have to cut back in order to deal with it.

BarbaraofSeville · 31/05/2022 05:34

Your DH isn't liable for debt in your name but you do have to tackle the issue as a household.

It sounds like you're back at work now but earn little after childcare costs? Yes, I do know that these are a joint expense, but when looking at the budget it's helpful to look at the effect on the budget of reduced income and increased costs.

Can you improve the marginal amount you earn after childcare bills by working more or both of you flexing your hours to reduce the amount of childcare you need to pay for? Eg one of you start later and do drop offs and one finish early for pick ups. Or both work 4 different days a week do you only have to pay for 3 days childcare? Do you use tax free childcare?

Have you applied for help with the cost of childcare? Sometimes you're entitled to that even if you're not entitled to other income based benefits.

Onto budgeting and debt. You need to start with a thorough review of your budget as a household. If you can cut some bills and be careful about non essential spending, then you might free up enough to pay off the debt.

You also need to have a good think about what the money was spent on. If it was on household groceries or baby items they're a joint expense so should be paid back out of joint money. If they were nice things for you then you need to pay it back. Either way, try to transfer the debt to a 0% deal so the money you pay goes on debt not interest.

Have look at moneysaving expert and do everything that is relevant.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

Hollyhead · 31/05/2022 05:40

You need to try and transfer as much as you can to a 0% interest card, just pay the minimum payment on that one for now. Then tackle the balance in whichever one is accruing interest. What did you spend the money on? If it’s ‘stuff’ have a clear out - even chucking 100-200 at it will feel good. Are there any bills you can reduce?

User487216 · 31/05/2022 05:48

Are you able to claim any of the married couples tax allowance as you say you earn about £1k a month, you may be eligible for a small bit of it and it can be backdated for 4 years I think, you would be eligible if you are below the tax amount and your DH is a 20% tax payer

you should also definitely tell your DH so you can deal with this together

maythe4thbewithme · 31/05/2022 06:11

If he earned more, then he's going to have to contribute more to get the debt paid down.

What bollocks - I can say with certainty that If the OP was a man there would be no way MN would be telling him his wife needs to help pay it off

If you are in maternity leave then you need to go back to work

flowerycurtain · 31/05/2022 06:29

Head to the Debt free wannabe board on Moneysavingexpert.com. There are amazingly helpful people there.

Start listening to Dave Ramseys podcast

Can you earn more? More hours? Waitressing on a Saturday night?

You do need to tackle your dh. Half the stress will be doing this alone.

best of luck

SD1978 · 31/05/2022 06:32

@maythe4thbewithme - actually- I would say the same. The sec doesn't matter- if she (or he) is planning to continue with the marriage- then to me it's a shared issue. If he pays more towards the family in order to have the debt actually paid, then surely that's what needs to happen? Ost important is looking at how it happened in the first place- seems like a massive overspend by OP whilst on Mat leave- but why? Silly spending or decreases income but no decrease to family expenses? I know many people keep finances seperate, but clearly this isn't working here, and a joint solution is going to be needed because OP will not be sorting this on her own.

FindingMeno · 31/05/2022 06:36

caringcarer · 31/05/2022 00:29

You need to be totally honest with your DH as all debt within a marriage is joint debt even if only one of the partners run it up. Tell him, he may be angry at first but then may help you clear it.

This is not true.
Even in marriage you are only liable for debt in joint names.
I would still come clean to dh. You need to find an extra job to pay it off.

Original poster

3dogsandababy · 31/05/2022 08:11

Thank you for all of your replies.
Just to clarify a few things:

my baby was born in 2020, I've been back at work part time since January 2021 after taking 7/8 months maternity leave
I haven't spent any of the money on myself apart from some dresses which totalled about £35
we have been a little lax over the household bills, we do need to sit down and try to reduce tv package, shopping etc. just finding time is difficult with a needy toddler and us both being exhausted
most of my expenditure has been buying my toddler new clothes, formula and nappies. He's on cows milk now and being potty trained so hopefully that should free up some money soon

Those saying to transfer to a 0% card, what is one of those? And would I be eligible given the amount of debt I am in?

OP posts:

Gazelda · 31/05/2022 08:21

Would it be possible to increase your hours a little?

I agree with other posters though, you need to be honest with your DH. If you claw back some £ through reducing your tv package (for example), he'll likely think that creates more disposable income, not realising it needs to go towards clearing the debt.

£12k is a debt you can clear in time. Don't let it become a huge secret that keeps you awake at night.

User487216 · 31/05/2022 08:23

Good idea to look at TV packages, when you are busy not much time to watch TV so maybe just watch the ones that come with the TV licence, or if you don't have a licence pick one of the streamers instead.

Jangus74 · 12/06/2022 13:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Orangesandlemons77 · 13/06/2022 17:03

OP if finances are seperate (no joint accounts / cards) could have a DMP of her own without causing the DH's credit rating problems, if they are not financially linked even if married. Could check online via a site like credit karma..or a O% card,

OP you can just check via one of those sites if you'd qualify.

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