2 children, different savings amounts, what to do?

[Sausagis]

I have two children. My first born was (understandably) given more money as birthday gifts etc to begin with - when child2 came along a few years later they each received smaller amounts.

This is now being compounded by child1 being a saver and child2 being a spender (eg if given birthday money now they are older, child1 would want it put in the bank, child2 will be straight down the sweet shop).

There is a little over 1k difference between their accounts at the moment.

Do I try and find an extra 1k to give to child2 to equal it out, or is it tough love and you get what there is in the account when you are 18 (or whenever)?

If dc2 has spent money that dc1 saved then no, I wouldn't then give dc2 more money. They will get what they get when they get to age 18.

Tough love -
its all about their choices , I’d be So annoyed if I was the saver and then when I got to 18 you just equalled it out any way! That’s also not teaching your second child anything. X

No definitely do not give extra to DC2. You can't spend and then expect to have more in the bank. It doesn't work that way, and your child will need to learn this.

Massively unfair and unjust if you were to do what you are proposing.

Must admit I'm mostly relieved by the answers, but just to emphasise - quite a bit of the difference is down to first born getting a larger amount as a baby. Its only the last few years that they have an option of spending any money they get given!

I might even up the difference in amount they were given in the first place but not the entirety of the difference if DC2 spends more.

I'd even out the initial deposits. Spender vs saver is a personal choice.

My children don't have any access to their saving accounts though.

Just checked, age 7 there was a £500 difference.

(Mine also don't have access to their savings accounts once the money is in, but now they are older if relatives give them money for birthdays/christmas then child1 wants me to put it in the bank, child2 wants to spend it and will feel hard done by if I take it. When they were babies it all went in the bank).

I’d even out the difference given as babies. Beyond that it’s up to them how they spend, or don’t spend, the ones money.

You should even out the difference from when they were babies and teach the younger one the importance of saving.

Give younger 500'and then it's upto them from that point.

Yes I think this is fair.

We have something not dissimilar but smaller amounts
But they have their own accounts so if they spend they spend
We have savings account but dc1 has much more
We will
Prob give them a set amount each when they turn 18/22 whatever

This is something that concerned me. As a result, as small children all of the money goes in to savings. When they get to an age where they can spend it, certain money from us and grandparents will go into the account which they can access at 18, other money will go into an accessible savings account to account for the differences in savings habits. Our first also has quite a bit more for the reason you mentioned so we will even it out at 18.

I'd personally even the early difference up ie the £500 if I could afford to but definitely would not even up the spending as that wouldn't teach dc2 about money.

I'd have two bank account each - one for "long-term" savings and one for "short-term".

Into the "long-term" one, I'd put money they got as a baby etc. If they get birthday money, you could also agree to put say 50% of it into this account. I'd ensure this account was an equal amount for both children, when they receive it at 18 (for example).

Then I'd have a "short-term" account each. One child can save their money here, and the other can spend their money on sweets etc. Obviously child 2 will have much less in this account than child 1, but they enjoyed spending the money.

I would also do this.

I'd even out the amounts that have been given directly but obviously not the dedicated savings.

For long-term savings make sure you consider how to invest it to counter the potential of inflation massively eroding the value

Thanks for all the answers. I will work towards adding £500 to even out the difference they had from when they were little. Seems much fairer!

Thanks.

Op can't you split the money up , leave each with perhaps a few hundred in an account , saving wtih function to move to spend .

But put rest into a stock and share ISA? By the time the youngest can access their money they' should have evened out

It is a fact of life that people get given different gifts. This happens with money but also other gifts too. As parent, you do t have to be responsible for the gifts others give.

The other thing is, that this money is for far in the future. For small children it is neither here nor there t the moment. Neither need to know it exists or if they do, how much is in there and certainly not that there are different amounts.

When they are much older, you can talk to them about money growing and at the point where you want to hand it over or it to become theirs, they will need to understand that a host of factors across their earlier life determine the value it is when they receive it. It will certainly be a different amount for each and that’s fine.

I understand parents like to treat children fairly. That is right, but it doesn’t mean evening up every single thing that might not always have been totally equal. One will have more friends and get mire birthday party invitations or more birthday presents or more drinks bought for them in the pub. It’s just how it is. One might get better job offers and a higher salary.

My kids have sizeable accounts which are growing. They don’t really know anything much about them (they each have a separate and much smaller account where some pocket money and odd cash gifts from grandparents etc go which they do know about) and it won’t be something similar talk about with them until much later and will definitely won’t not be comparing the values - which do differ. In my way of thinking, as they approach 1818 I will tell them about some of it - that a chunk exists but it will very much be money which is for the future, and the exact amount might still not be exactly disclosed. I might only tell them about the rest of it when they are 25 ish. I would expect that I will continue to invest the money for them to max it. From 18 I would hope to involve them in the discussions about options.

At the same time, probably at 17 or 18 I’d hope to give them a smaller lump sum in an account - perhaps 3 or 4 thousand. Again, I would be suggesting it’s not for frittering, but this would be fully within their control and if they did chose to waste it, we’ll that would be up to them. It is important they have control of some money and if they are going to be firtterers have a chance to see the impact t of that for themselves. They might choose to buy a car or a holiday or something I might not choose, but need to have scope to make some choices themselves. None of this would mean I felt they had to have identical amounts at any point.

Just wondering who are the assholes in amongst your family and friends who gave the second child less money/gifts?

I don’t think people who spend less money on small children and babies are ‘assholes’.

For many people, a nice gift is the purpose of the exercise, not a gift that costs X amount and has the same value as a different gift. Sometimes a gift which will bring a small child great joy is extremely cheap.

People’s lives are busy and they don’t always remember people’s multiple children or spend the same. I agree that when people first start having kids and when many are still double income families with spare cash, gifts and cash offerings are more generous. Later as more people have multiple kids, lots have less income, the gifts become a it less generous or cash less. Who really counts or measures….certainly small babies and kids don’t know and for them there being different amounts is meaningless unless as parents it’s emphasised as a big deal to them.

If you’re talking about a difference due to baby cash gifts of a couple of hundred quid in total, or even quite a bit more, why does it really matter? It’s nice, but it’s all piddling amounts in the wider scheme if things isn’t it. If you’re thinking in terms of a deposit for a house, the fact one aunt gave one kid £50 and another £100 really won’t matter.

Im guilty of giving different gifts. When many if my friends had their first child, I’d send a £50 cheque for their account. By the time many were I their 4th, it might have been £25 or £30 unless a very close friend or relative. Who cares and who is really counting and seeing in someone sent a more expensive babygro to one sibling than another? Surely these bank accounts have all kinds of money dripping into them over time. My kids find their grandparents give them £50 after visiting sometimes. One will save it in their bank account, the other has spent it on Amazon before the day is out. One asks for cash for Christmas and saves it, the other likes some Lego. One has a Godmother who gifts £100 to the bank account most birthdays, whilst the other Godmother seems to take the child on a day out for their birthday. It’s all a bit different and all fine. When it comes to things like driving lessons when the time comes, we will pay for what is needed for the kids. No doubt one will need far more lessons than the other. When they buy houses, we will give some level of help. It might not be exactly the same, as one might need more help than the other. We aren’t about keeping a log of the exact pennies spent on each but we are about everyone knowing we are always there to help.

That’s not fair! I would put the amount your first child had just as second arrived, in to second so they are equal and if they save or spend in the meantime lease they started off equal

Ours had their own account to “manage” for their birthday and Xmas presents etc, and another one we had control of that was our savings and their early age money. Grandparents also regularly contributed to this one.