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Original poster

Sharing money

17 replies

usernamexxx86 · 20/05/2022 23:22

Do you and your OH share all money?

I ask this because... long term relationship, 2DC, I work part time due to childcare and partner works full time earning over 4 x my wage. However he puts about a third of his wage into the joint account and saves the rest in an individual account.

AIBU to be think both of our salaries should go to the joint account?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 20/05/2022 23:27

So you are working part time in order to allow him to work full time and save all his money? That is really really unfair of him.

Original poster
usernamexxx86 · 20/05/2022 23:29

@HollowTalk yes, working part time as even if I was full time he would be earning more x

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 20/05/2022 23:39

But you are bearing the full cost of childcare. While you are presumably happy to work part time he's even happier that he doesn't have to spend anything on nursery fees. It's just not fair.

BarbaraofSeville · 21/05/2022 04:15

You're putting yourself in a very risky position by not being married. Your pension will also be suffering.

If you separated after DC were 18, you'd be entirely on your own financially with little in the way of savings or pension whereas he would likely have a lot of savings and a much larger pension.

Crazycir96 · 21/05/2022 16:47

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BeeLady15 · 21/05/2022 17:32

Is there any reason why you haven’t married? If not, I’d encourage you to do so asap. I am if the school of thought that all money should be in a joint account in circumstances where you have kids. You have children together and your career, earning potential and current income has taken a massive hit due to you two deciding to have children but he goes on his merry way and is financially secure. I would have a serious conversation with him if I was you

Chatwin · 21/05/2022 18:38

Everything joint, equal monthly spending money.

Get married.

He could put some of his spare money into a savings account in your name. Or a pension.

Does he use the savings to pay for holidays, Christmas, kids uniforms and days out, treats etc - or are you expected to pay for all that?

Get married and protect yourself. You've facilitated his career and earning potential at the expense of your own security.

Ajayjay · 21/05/2022 18:51

We share money. I earn more and contribute more to the family pot - leaving us both with spending money to do whatever we want with (I have slightly more spending money prob @ £150-£200 a month more as I have my own dd - this money is usually spent on her or saved for her future!). We don't have joint children, he has 2, maintenance comes from the joint account, anything else for them comes from his own spends.
We are a team, just because I earn more, doesn't mean he doesn't work hard, he also does alot of the cooking, house stuff, is there when my dd is home from school etc- all of this enables me to do the job I do and enjoy.
Having this financial set up of having similar spending money works for us, but know its not for everyone!

IncompleteSenten · 21/05/2022 18:55

Yes we do

You really are putting yourself in a bad position here.
Don't leave yourself financially screwed!

If you are earning less so you can care for your joint children then that should be taken into consideration otherwise you should tell him you're going to work f/t and put heavily into your pension (cos you'll be screwed there too) and he can pay half of all childcare bills and do half of all things domestic.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 21/05/2022 18:57

What’s your housing situation? Does he pay for anything else for the family on top of what he puts in the joint account?

Justkeeppedaling · 21/05/2022 19:12

All into one pot. All out of one pot. What's mine is his, what's his is mine.

Penguinsmum · 21/05/2022 19:21

I wouldn't like this. We are married. DH earns around 200k,me 40k but every single penny is shared. We are married! A family. My DH is has only been able to pursue his career so much because of me being part time . And he appreciates it.

Olsi109 · 21/05/2022 19:33

We don't share as in have a joint account. I saw my mum go through hell with her ex when they shared finances so I've always had separate from DH - he is fine with this. I pay out roughly the same amount in bills however now I am part time due to new baby my DH earns 3.5 times. He pays childcare and sends me whatever I ask for. I have savings that I add to with the money he sends me, he has savings. Both similar amount.

In your situation I wouldn't be happy at all. My advice would be to speak with DH and explain as part time you now need to put less into the joint (do it on a ratio basis - for example if bills are £1200 he pays in £900 you pay in 3 - fair based on each other's earnings) if he says no suggest to him you'll go back full time so you have more spare money and you expect him to pay his share of the extra childcare.

Olsi109 · 21/05/2022 19:34

Penguinsmum · 21/05/2022 19:21

I wouldn't like this. We are married. DH earns around 200k,me 40k but every single penny is shared. We are married! A family. My DH is has only been able to pursue his career so much because of me being part time . And he appreciates it.

This also! I put my career on the back burner, worked around the kids so that DH could work up the ladder. You earn less as you're caring for his children.

Twixie2022 · 21/05/2022 23:26

We are not married but share money 100%. Have a joint account and joint savings. Have a 2 year old DS. Only use our single accounts for our own spends which we budget the same amount for each.

Cheesechips · 22/05/2022 09:14

That's really unfair. You should be sharing money or he should be giving you extra as you're working less and saving him money in childcare! If he refuses you should work full time and make him pay childcare in proportion to how much earns instead of you. Tight git.

mummy2boys53 · 22/05/2022 19:34

Not married but we have 2 children together. Everything goes into the joint account and we pay ourselves a bit of fun money each money (equal amount) but everything else comes out the joint account.

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