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Original poster

Buying a property for DC & his GF - implications

38 replies

dollybird · 20/05/2022 14:21

So, our DS is 20, and has known his GF for almost a year, although they didn't get together straight away, so not been together that long. She is a couple of years older than him, really lovely girl, and they seem a good match. A couple of weeks ago he told us that she is pregnant and they want to keep the baby. Obviously not ideal, and unplanned as they are both young, but it is what it is.

Now, DS is self employed, has been for about 18 months, but it has been a slow start, as he had some MH problems early on so wasn't working much, but that has picked up in the last year, but he hasn't been earning what I would call a full time wage until very recently. The work is seasonal too, so much less opportunity to earn in the winter months. He mostly works with DH (also SE), and has use of his machines etc, so hasn't till now had to invest in his own machinery - he's mostly supplying his labour. He is now throwing himself into fully committing to this work, take on new work etc with a baby on the way.

His GF is working although mw zero hours type work, so not a big income, and unreliable number of hours etc.

So, they are in a bit of a sticky situation, as not really earning enough to rent or pay a mortgage and couldn't get a mortgage anyway due to their incomes and DS SE status. DS has savings from MIL which could be a large deposit on a property, but getting a mortgage still an issue. We have offered to buy them a flat with DS using his savings and us paying the rest, so that they and our grandchild have somewhere decent to live. Now, if it wasn't for the baby, we would be saying that they should buy as tenants in common, as 100% of the cost is being paid by DS/us (it is a gift to DS, we don't expect him to pay us back). But I don't know if this is best given that there is a baby involved and if they were to split up, he would need to provide for him/her. It's all a bit of a minefield, and we want to do our best to help them out, but trying to think of the potential pitfalls further down the line.

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 20/05/2022 14:35

It sounds fraught with difficulty.

They aren't married.
She's on a zero hours contract.
He has a seasonal job.
They have only been together a few months.

I think they should live where they can afford to live. Especially when the baby is still an actual baby and can sleep in a cot in their room. Are they living together now?

parietal · 20/05/2022 14:48

if you can afford to buy a flat, you could buy it & rent it to him for a trivial sum. then he should save up the extra that he should be paying in rent so that in future he can buy for himself.

At this stage, you should not gift anything to the girlfriend. If in 5 years time they are married and fully settled, then you could gift the property over to them both. But right now, I think you should buy in your own name.

Also, do you have any other children and are you being fair to them if you spent a big chunk of money on your DS?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 20/05/2022 14:51

I wouldn't be gifting anything just yet! Could you buy somewhere and charge them a small amount of rent?

Cliftontherocks · 20/05/2022 14:51

But the house in your name and rent it to them both in joint names for market value.

m put their rent in an account for 5 years and if they are still together in 5 years gift the house and the money saved to them as a wedding gift

Cliftontherocks · 20/05/2022 14:51

Ps have a contract with your son as well

nonononone · 20/05/2022 14:57

parietal · 20/05/2022 14:48

if you can afford to buy a flat, you could buy it & rent it to him for a trivial sum. then he should save up the extra that he should be paying in rent so that in future he can buy for himself.

At this stage, you should not gift anything to the girlfriend. If in 5 years time they are married and fully settled, then you could gift the property over to them both. But right now, I think you should buy in your own name.

Also, do you have any other children and are you being fair to them if you spent a big chunk of money on your DS?

This sounds the most sensible choice to me. The odds are against them staying together, if the girlfriends name is on the deeds, its not impossible that in five years time you will be paying the mortgage for her along with a new live in boyfriend, while your son is stuck for housing. Protect your sons savings (and yours),

Original poster
dollybird · 20/05/2022 14:58

Thanks for the replies. We did initially think of buying in our own name, but we can only afford to do this right now by using DS's savings, and that seemed to have it's own issues with it not being 100% ours.

The idea originally was that we would 100% gift it to DS (maybe just in his name, not joint at all), but we didn't want to leave his GF (+ baby) high and dry if they do split.

We are planning to downsize in a few years, so will be able to use the money from that to be equal with our younger DD.

OP posts:
Original poster
dollybird · 20/05/2022 14:59

We were planning to buy the property outright, not have a mortgage.

OP posts:
Original poster
dollybird · 20/05/2022 15:03

nonononone · 20/05/2022 14:57

This sounds the most sensible choice to me. The odds are against them staying together, if the girlfriends name is on the deeds, its not impossible that in five years time you will be paying the mortgage for her along with a new live in boyfriend, while your son is stuck for housing. Protect your sons savings (and yours),

Show quote history

I read so often on here about how women (particularly) should get married before having children to protect themselves in the event of a split. But this feels the other way around, like we should be encouraging our son to protect his/our money, and potentially leave his GF with nowhere to live if they split up.

OP posts:
Original poster
dollybird · 20/05/2022 15:05

So perhaps we could buy as tenants in common with our DS, so he owns 1/3 and us 2/3, without GF on the deeds, and we could gift them the 2/3 at a later date if they are still together? But if they did split, he could just kick her out, which doesn't seem fair to her?

OP posts:
Tessasanderson · 20/05/2022 15:07

Speak to you son. Ask him to give you the savings so you can purchase the flat in YOUR name. Agree a peanuts figure for the rent but have it all above board. Let him know that in 5yrs time you will hand the lot over to him if he wants it. You never know what his situation will be in 5yrs time, he may want you to keep hold of it for longer if he is having relationship troubles.

He basically has a girlfriend. If he dissagrees with above then suggest he gets a shared ownership house instead so he at least doesnt drag you into a difficult situation

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 20/05/2022 15:07

Well unless they marry she won't be entitled to any of the house if they split. I can understand not wanting the gf being left high and dry but he could go on to have other dc and unless you have lots of money to throw about you can't be responsible for what happens if that split

tiredmumof4teenagers · 20/05/2022 15:15

You can't factor the girlfriend into this. This is your son's relationship.

What you can do is help them get started and I agree with other posters about having you son own a part reflecting his deposit and you own the rest.

If you decide to gift it to him at a later date there is no stamp duty. But there is inheritance tax due if you don't live another 7 years. Make sure your portion is split equally between you and your husband to reduce this tax liability.

It's not for you to provide for your sons girlfriend. You are giving them both help by offering this.

If I'm the future they were to split up, sort that out with him then not now.

It's a lovely thing to be able to do to help them. You are very kind.

Original poster
dollybird · 20/05/2022 15:15

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 20/05/2022 15:07

Well unless they marry she won't be entitled to any of the house if they split. I can understand not wanting the gf being left high and dry but he could go on to have other dc and unless you have lots of money to throw about you can't be responsible for what happens if that split

No, this is absolutely it as far as the bank of mum and dad is concerned! Which is far more than most kids could get, I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
dollybird · 20/05/2022 15:21

tiredmumof4teenagers · 20/05/2022 15:15

You can't factor the girlfriend into this. This is your son's relationship.

What you can do is help them get started and I agree with other posters about having you son own a part reflecting his deposit and you own the rest.

If you decide to gift it to him at a later date there is no stamp duty. But there is inheritance tax due if you don't live another 7 years. Make sure your portion is split equally between you and your husband to reduce this tax liability.

It's not for you to provide for your sons girlfriend. You are giving them both help by offering this.

If I'm the future they were to split up, sort that out with him then not now.

It's a lovely thing to be able to do to help them. You are very kind.

Thank you 😊we just want to try and make the best of a not great situation, and do the best for our son and grandchild (still can't get used to saying that, I feel way too young!).

Just had a thought re stamp duty, if DS bought the flat in his name there would be none, but if we buy it's a second property, so there would be standard stamp duty plus the additional for a second property.

OP posts:
ChessieFL · 20/05/2022 17:34

You would also need to think about capital gains tax if/when you sell if it’s in your name and it’s not your main residence. Not sure how that would work though if your son owns part of it.

Jeansgoals · 20/05/2022 17:40

You could just pay half their rent for them, or whatever much. I'm not sure how much cash you have. Don't rush into anything. Where are her parents in all this?

catfunk · 21/05/2022 07:40

I might get flames for this and I apologise if this sounds harsh - He's had mental health issues recently and isn't financially self sufficient. She barely works.
I'd be questioning whether this is the right time to keep a pregnancy.

HollowTalk · 21/05/2022 08:08

Although I can absolutely see where you're coming from, I don't think it's a good idea at the moment. You don't know if this relationship will last. He's not making money out of his job which to my mind makes it more of a hobby. I would wait a few years before making any decision at all. I wouldn't worry about his girlfriend to be honest. They've only known each other for a very short time and if you buy this flat now you are effectively buying it for her. If he and she split up and he owns the flat, then she will almost definitely get to live in it afterwards.

scegliere · 21/05/2022 08:15

Buying a property with someone you're not married to is a terrible idea imo

ChanceNorman · 21/05/2022 08:22

Speak to you son. Ask him to give you the savings so you can purchase the flat in YOUR name

Just imagine the gf's MN post.

'My MIL has offered to buy oh a house for us to live in as we have a baby on the way. But she's insistent that the house be bought in her name only and she wants oh to give her his full £20k savings as a deposit. AIBU to think she's totally out of order?'

Imagine the responses 😂

Anyone regardless of their situation would be downright nuts to agree to this.

Twiglets1 · 21/05/2022 08:41

You don’t owe anything to the gf right now. If they split up in the future then your son will have a responsibility to pay child maintenance but you aren’t responsible for giving her a properly to live in for as long as she chooses.
If you buy the property in your name you will have to pay extra stamp duty as it’s technically a second home. If you gift it to your son then he will incur capital gains tax on the amount it appreciates in value between when you gift it to him and when he sells it. Basically, you should probably discuss the situation with a solicitor to understand the financial implications of any decision you make. There is no way of knowing how long this relationship will last so I certainly wouldn’t rush into buying “them” a property. Though I do understand you are trying to be kind you also need to be realistic and protect yourself and son from giving away your assets too easily.

WeAreTheHeroes · 21/05/2022 08:58

scegliere · 21/05/2022 08:15

Buying a property with someone you're not married to is a terrible idea imo

No it isn't. This young couple buying a property together is probably not a very good idea given both their situations, their ages and lack of means to fund it themselves.

ZooMount · 21/05/2022 09:19

I think just buy it for him and let it be in his name, if they decide to marry in the future that can be changed. She's still going to benefit by not having rent to pay and a nice home and if they split up then she won't be any worse off than she is currently. It's still very early days for their relationship.

Holidayroundthecorner · 21/05/2022 09:21

Wow I thought we stepped up decorating ds +his gf's rental... Op you put more pressure on them for their relationship to work buying a property.. Help with a rental and see how they fair....

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