Maintenance contributing to living costs

[Dearjohn2022]

I'm looking for people's opinions here.

I live with my partner and her young child from a previous relationship. We split everything 50/50 - bills, mortgage, food, holidays etc... My partner gets maintenance money from her ex to support their children financially. The money she gets is quite substantial. Should this be hers to do as she pleases with, or should it go towards contributing to our living costs as a family together?

I'm curious as to people's opinions on this.
Thanks in advance.

Do you contribute towards clothes etc for her kids? If yes, then joint account of and family money. If no, then, no absolutely not.

Yeah, of course I do. She buys the majority of school clothes but everything else - football kits, joggers, tops etc... and club fees for sports we share.

Does she work? How much does she earn compared to you? Is the maintenance all she has left after 50:50 on the bills?

If you both earn roughly the same, split all costs 50:50 and then she gets the maintenance on top meaning she has more disposable income than you, then it's reasonable to expect it to go in the pot.

I would split the bills 50:50 but expect her to pay for the kids' personal expenses like clothing, school trips, etc, out of the maintenance

Very much depends on how you deal with finances. My partner and I put everything into our joint account and all bills, food, school clubs, clothes etc come out of it. I have a child from a previous relationship and get a substantial amount from his dad but this is just another income and also gets put into our joint account to contribute to all outgoings.
If you keep things separate and have separate spending money etc and just split bills then I would say she's right to keep most of it.

I think you should pay a percentage based on your income, not necessarily 50:50.

If you are happily helping to pay for a child that isn’t yours and finances are shared together in a family pot than that money should be included.

if finances are separate and you don’t pay for the child’s expenses then no. But it looks like you do help with child expenses so surely the maintenance money should be included?

The maintenance should be used to pay for the stuff for the children that you are currently subsidising. Once the maintenance is spent you can choose to contribute if you want to.

It's not meant to be hers to do what she wants with, it's meant to be spent on her children and providing a home for them. So part of the bills, and rent/mortgage (after all, you need a bigger house), their share of holidays, their food, their clothes. She also pays towards that as they are her children too. Then, as you are a household now as well, if anything else needs covering it would be nice if you paid towards it too.
Or you could just throw it all into a joint, family pot, but still with the concept that it is for the kids, not to subsidise your/your partners hobbies for example.

It should either be one family pot from which all bills etc are paid.
Or you should contribute proportionally based on income INCLUDING the maintenance as that is part of her income.

The money shouldn't be hers to do what she wants with . It's to provide for her child, food , uniform, clubs ect . If it's one big money pot it goes in the pot if not she uses it to cover the "child's costs " not you .

Yes to this.

Either you have shared finances and it goes in the pot or she keeps it and it supports her child so you don’t have to.

It sounds like she’s trying to have it both ways.

Thank you, for all your comments.

late to the party but maintenance is supposed to include a contribution towards bills and living costs(food etc) it's not just for clothes and clubs. If you have a joint pot, she should add part of it to that and then keep half to pay specifically for things for the child.