Opinions on how we should split money?

[SinkingSwim]

Hi.

My partner and I live together with our baby DD. He earns 28,000 a year and I earn 8000 a year as I only work very part time.

Out of my 650ish a month my outgoing bills are around 150, I also pay anything for our daughter such as clothes, little bits she needs through the month, baby groups etc and we split milk and nappies.

He is asking me to give him £250 a month to contribute, which I feel is a little steep for me as I would only be left with £200, giving me very little to put into savings etc.

I have offered £150, which would cover our food shopping however I have also suggested that he could cover all bills and then also my outgoings, and my 650 would be our 'play money' for the month, e.g clothes, days out, birthday presents etc meaning that we would also be able to save more as I would have money left and so would he.

Just wanting some opinions here as to what people think is the best option for us!

All money should be added up, essential costs taken out including pension and savings plus anything for the baby. Then what is left split 50/50.

Or you work full time and he contributes 50% of childcare which is likely to be a lot more than £250.

For what it's worth, DH and I have been in the opposite situation for the last 6 years (and he's been out of work with ill health for a year) and I budget our finances down the last £1. We get equal spending money, even if it's only £50 each most months. I pay into his pension and our joint savings.

Split the essentials according to % earnings.

You each keep what's left of your own salary

Or you go full time and split all essentials 50/50 and keep what's left

Or you do as pp suggested.

There's no right answer

He is your partner and you share a child; he’s not your landlord. “Fair” is an arrangement that rewards you for staying at home with your child and offsets the impact of rearing his child on your career and future prospects. So basically what @RagzRebooted said.

why are you not married?
why are the child's expenses not equally split?

we pay a percentage of our monthly salaries into a joint account (you will need to add up the total cost of your outgoings to workout what that needs to be to cover it but for us it’s 50%) then whatever is left is your own.

Add up the household outgoings, you pay 20% and he pays 80%.

Agree with PP - you should have equal "personal" money.

You haven't said how much your total outgoings are, but £650 sounds like a lot of "play money" on those salaries.

I note you say "partner", so actually I suggest you go back to work full time or you get married. You are currently leaving yourself very financially vulnerable.

Why should they be since no other bills are equally split?

He earns 77% of the combined household earnings and you earn 28% so I would work out the percentage of household bills that way.

You earn 23% 🤦‍♂️ if only we had an edit button.

Basically, you should not be financially worse off for being the one at home with a baby. Either your pool all the money and get equal spending funds, or you both contribute accordingly by percentage of earnings, like a PP, as long as that works out reasonably fairly. But it would get annoying to work out as costs keep changing/rising.

You're raising a child together, so you need to get this right and for the sake of your relationship it needs to be worked out fairly now, with plans for the future.

For example, when will you go back to work full time and how will finances work then?
Do you rent or own?
Could you support yourself if the relationship broke down?
What are your plans for funding retirement, especially if there's an age gap of more than a few years?

Remind him of the value of you providing childcare (and cooking, cleaning, laundry, general household management?).

What would your finances look like if you upped your hours to full time and needed full time childcare? You might not be much better off if you're a low to moderate earner and you'd have far less time available. Plus he'd need to do more at home if you currently do most of it.

Percentage contributions don't work with such a large disparity in income as he'll still end up with a lot more personal spending money than you.

The fairest way is for all income to go into one account and all joint costs, including topping up your pension, anything for DD, savings for joint annual and irregular expenses like holidays, Christmas, insurance, white goods replacement etc to be covered by the joint money and then what's left split 50/50 for personal spending money.

Dh earns 2500, I earn 1100. We list all outgoings - bills, food, petrol, child expenses etc. Take that figure off total wage , decide if any money is going in savings then we split the rest-
Wages £3600
Bills £3100
Savings £200
Left ££150 (each)

Are you paying into a pension? That should also be a priority. Seeing as you are not married, you are leaving yourself very vulnerable. I would go back to work full time and split all costs, including child care.

It's more like 75:25 I think? OP isn't paying tax on her earnings, her partner is.

you should end up with equal amounts of disposable income And savings. Your pension contributions also need to be made before those are calculated.

alternatively, he can pay you 1/2 of your lost income from your reduced working due to child responsibilities. Then you can split expenses proportionate to income.

My DH and I put 50% each of our takehome pay into a joint account to pay for all bills, food shopping, meals out, holidays and jobs on the house.
So OP, you would put £4k in and your partner would put £14k (or the post-tax equivalents) - this way you both contribute "equally" despite your wage disparity.

On second thoughts, ignore my suggestion. This works really well for a couple like us without kids, but isn't fair if someone works part time because they are looking after children.

I think you think £28,000 goes a lot further towards running a household than it does. There’s no way he has £500 spare a month like you. Sit down together and look at actual outgoings.

How old is your DD? That salary is really low for even part time OP. I think you need to up your hours.

@girlmom21 is right OP partner is probably getting around £1800/£1900 a month. I guess it depends how much their rent is... he could have £500 left

OP isn't married so I don't think I would be happy to pool money together in a joint account.

Agree with others that you need to sit down together with a spreadsheet/pen & paper and work out exactly what comes in every month, what needs to go out, and what's left.

It's very easy to end up in a situation where the lower earner has a lot less disposable income, but it's also easy to have the lower earner having MORE disposable income as the higher earner picks up all the bills.

The latter is what was happening to me and DH. I bring in 80%, he brings in 20%, and because gradually all the bills migrated to me as my wage crept up and his dropped, I realised he had almost all of his wage to 'himself' every month, while I had very little.

We did a spreadsheet and he can't afford to do 20%. We do (what I think is the fairer way, which looks at what needs to go out, and then we've calculated what we each pay into the joint account based on us both having the SAME after that amount comes out.

He earns £28k BECAUSE you enable him to. You have a family income of £36,000. After you have paid the bills, food, kids stuff and pensions, what is left is FAMILY MONEY. If you want to have an agreement in place of what to do with this then fair enough.

28yrs since i last paid into anything other than a joint account. I have earned between 4 & 7x my partners income over that time and not once have i imagined it as anything other than family money.

I find it hard to understand the way many people split their money.
The percentage split is fine for people who aren't married or where both people work full time but earn unequal amounts, if you are both happy with that arrangement. However once you have a child together I would favour everything in one pot as without your childcare you would probably be working full time and perhaps earning a similar amount to your partner.
I've been married for over 40 years and we have always had a joint account and all the money is family money (both before and after children). Not so easy if one of you has a reckless approach to finances but if you share a similar approach to spending then for me it's the way to go. I've earned lots more than my partner at times but would never have considered it to be anything other than family money.

Work out a budget for all household expenses, then a budget for household savings. Then whats left over is split between you to spend and save as you want in your own accounts - this could be split a little less equally
2joint accounts account 1 all wages go in and all household spending comes out of this account (bills,phones,fuel,food,baby stuff). Account2 family savings - holidays, replace appliances, emergency fund, bigger purchases.