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Child maintenance pee take

25 replies

Sux2buthen · 05/04/2022 15:48

Just a mini rant, I would post in AIBU but I'm not so it's pointless.

Former partner had to be switched to collect and pay as he wouldn't pay the 7 pounds a week ordered for our three children Hmm. Then it suddenly stopped.
I've been chasing it up even though it's barely worth it but it's the principle.
Anyway it seems he's been caught diddling benefits so now he has to pay priority reductions back first and the children will have to wait (they obviously didn't use those words, it was very roundabout so I asked and they laughed and said they couldnt possibly comment).
I'm just so annoyed that anything is considered a priority over your children.
He's just been given the keys to a council house with his latest victim and working on the sly while I'm juggling everything to try and keep our heads up. It's infuriating and unfair
On the other hand I'm glad some things are catching up with him at least

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 05/04/2022 17:32

Extra grr

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 05/04/2022 17:49

The system sucks. I'm sorry you are in this position. I mostly just accept I get nothing toward the children but sometimes it upsets me that I'm the only one providing.

Just have to hold on to the fact you are showing your kids what an amazing mum you are.

Babyroobs · 05/04/2022 18:00

Surely if the £7 was being taken from his benefits and presumably the benefits have stopped and they know he is working, I don't understand why it can't now be taken from his wages?

Sux2buthen · 05/04/2022 18:04

Thanks and same to you ThanksI fully get what you mean, sometimes I laugh it off but at other times like today the ice cream van pulled up and I couldn't do it. I will be able to next week it's just so bloody unfair.
When I got rid of him I started changing the bills to just my name and found that they hadn't been paid for three years.
Council tax, water, energy, tv licence the lot.
The bills were hidden from me and the letters. It was all in both of our names, guess who's paying the lot off piece by piece very slowly.
It's about 5000 now.
I work two jobs, have the children with no access visits to him and meanwhile hes online posting how much he loves his kids Grin
Sometimes I just need to rant

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 05/04/2022 18:06

You and me both @Babyroobs
I think he's either getting cash or job hopping, he uses several different names but that shouldn't stop national Insurance tracking his wages.
I'm hoping now he has an official address everything catches up with him

OP posts:
Chilledchablis1 · 05/04/2022 18:09

Babyroobs

“Surely if the £7 was being taken from his benefits and presumably the benefits have stopped and they know he is working, I don't understand why it can't now be taken from his wages?”

If he is working cash in hand CMS can’t be deducted . My DD is in exactly the same situation. Apparently rent/ council tax arrears have priority over paying CMS . Meantime he works for a friend, drives a newer car than me and refuses to contribute in any way to DC .

taylorsdoingapart · 05/04/2022 18:11

OP I sympathise. Collect and pay promises so much but is mostly toothless. I accept now that I get nothing. Occasionally I get a random amount in my account (with the collect and pay fees helpfully deducted 🙄), but it's hit and miss and mostly we don't receive anything. It's shit but if they don't want to pay they just will find a way around it.

GoodnightJude1 · 05/04/2022 18:12

Meh…I have one like that too OP.

Can’t afford maintenance but is driving around in his fancy new truck with all the ‘extras’ 🙄
My DC were telling me last night about his new personalised number plate…

I didn’t realise you were allowed ‘w@nker’ as a number plate Grin

Babyroobs · 05/04/2022 18:12

@Chilledchablis1

Babyroobs

“Surely if the £7 was being taken from his benefits and presumably the benefits have stopped and they know he is working, I don't understand why it can't now be taken from his wages?”

If he is working cash in hand CMS can’t be deducted . My DD is in exactly the same situation. Apparently rent/ council tax arrears have priority over paying CMS . Meantime he works for a friend, drives a newer car than me and refuses to contribute in any way to DC .

Awful isn't it.
sophienelisse · 05/04/2022 18:16

I feel you op.

The CMS are only ever good if the non resident parent wants to pay.

If they don't well they don't pay and the CMS just send a letter asking them to pay. And repeat.

I've been to court. Had it court ordered what he should pay. He went self employed. Then he claimed benefits and they didn't take a penny off his benefits to send for his daughter. Now he's back to being self employed and is hiding money but do they care? No.

The debt is now over £10k but do they do anything? No, just send another letter.

They are a piss take.

I just can't understand why the government doesn't get a grip of these non payers and do something about it. Now we having rising costs for everything.

Now is the time to do it. But they won't and non residents who don't be pay should be
Checked like a dbs check and if they are on the bad list should have penalties I.e fines, employers agree to employee them but with a percentage to clear the debt and so on.

But that won't happen in my lifetime because as it predominantly affects women we just have to suck it up.

There used to be a stigma against single mums but no such stigma against non payers, usually men as they usually have some excuse along the lines of "I can't be sure it's being spent on my child" or "I haven't seen them for years because the other parent won't let me"

There is no excuse.

I'be gotten myself all worked up now about the injustice of it all.

Theunamedcat · 05/04/2022 18:17

It's messed up that children arnt considered a priority

With the joint debts can't you get them to split them?

lonelydad2022 · 05/04/2022 18:25

@Sux2buthen

Just a mini rant, I would post in AIBU but I'm not so it's pointless. Former partner had to be switched to collect and pay as he wouldn't pay the 7 pounds a week ordered for our three children Hmm. Then it suddenly stopped. I've been chasing it up even though it's barely worth it but it's the principle. Anyway it seems he's been caught diddling benefits so now he has to pay priority reductions back first and the children will have to wait (they obviously didn't use those words, it was very roundabout so I asked and they laughed and said they couldnt possibly comment). I'm just so annoyed that anything is considered a priority over your children. He's just been given the keys to a council house with his latest victim and working on the sly while I'm juggling everything to try and keep our heads up. It's infuriating and unfair On the other hand I'm glad some things are catching up with him at least
With all due respect, you didn't have one child with this man, you had three. You knew him well and decided to have three children. He is a deadbeat dad but you have to accept some responsibility.
caringcarer · 05/04/2022 18:28

OP I really feel your frustration at the unfairness. I had to put up with an X who refused to pay maintenance in Oct, Nov and Dec every year so I could not get them what I wanted to buy them for Xmas. Then he swooped in like bloody super Dad with exactly what they wanted. It hurt so much at the time. But guess what, kids now grown up and barely see him. One son has no contact at all he is ashamed of his Dad and my dd told me she once saw me crying when he did not pay maintenance then bought her huge present. Your children in will remember who was the parent who cared for them and provided their stability.

Sux2buthen · 05/04/2022 18:34

@lonelydad2022 I had to flee to a refuge for domestic violence with all three that started as a drip drip drip and escalated during the first lockdown
No. I don't accept any blame for this evil waste of skin that is the most deceptive person I've ever met in my life

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 05/04/2022 18:35

@Theunamedcat

It's messed up that children arnt considered a priority

With the joint debts can't you get them to split them?

Believe me I've tried everything from calling the companies to speaking with my MP, solicitors and even more. Bless the energy company and tv licence wiped the lot. Chipping away at the council tax and water now
OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 05/04/2022 18:36

The thing is about deadbeat dad's is they are not deadbeat until after they become dad's and leave the relationship so....how are you supposed to know?

sophienelisse · 05/04/2022 18:36

@lonelydad2022 I think she has accepted responsibility I mean he's not stepping up is he?

Regardless of how many children she has with him he should be supporting his children.

MoiraNotRuby · 05/04/2022 18:39

Shit isn't it. My ex has dropped his hours once he realised the less he earns, the less he contributes. And the DC think 'poor dad' whilst I work three fucking jobs 😒

sophienelisse · 05/04/2022 18:40

"I will have children with someone who I don't think will support them if we split up" said no women ever.

Even if this was the case it doesn't absolve her ex of his responsibilities. People also change.

My ex said when we split up he wanted 50 50. He didn't. He just didn't want to pay money direct to me as he has no control how I spend it.

His contribution doesn't even cover the cost of school meals each month.

Sux2buthen · 05/04/2022 18:41

@Theunamedcat exactly, he didn't introduce himself with 'hi I'm going to slowly destroy your self esteem and then when you're totally trapped I will start on trashing your life'
I'm still surprised by everything if I think of it now and I try not to because it's just too much

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 05/04/2022 18:50

My ex fought to see his stepson from his first marriage he was devastated she refused him I never thought he would cut access to his own children and his mom did too after fighting to see him also going half-way around the world to see her husbands grandchildren and going on holiday several times a year to see the ones in this country seeing your biological grandchildren who live a five minute drive away seems a no brainer right? Wrong not seen her for years I even reached out to her when her husband died sent her cards from the children pictures of the children she gave them to her son in case he didn't have a copy (he did) it's been so long now since she saw them she didn't recognise ds1 when he went there Christmas

It's fucking appalling

Gingerkittykat · 05/04/2022 18:54

The debt is now over £10k but do they do anything? No, just send another letter

Go to your MP and get them to lodge a complaint. It was amazing how quickly they were able to put a DEO in place when they were prodded.

Ex still jobhops and arses around so I make sure I don't depend on the money. They are now collecting the arrears so I know the money will trickle in over time.

I looked up priority debts with the DWP and the CMS is 12th in order when they consider deductions from benefits. The list is here

Sux2buthen · 05/04/2022 18:56

@Theunamedcat yes the loss of the extended family is just as bad for the kids. If I could move far away I would

@Gingerkittykat that list is shocking 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
sophienelisse · 05/04/2022 19:09

@Gingerkittykat that list is fucking shocking.

sophienelisse · 05/04/2022 19:10

@Gingerkittykat that is the only thing I haven't tried I will look tomorrow intact my Mp and see if anything can be done

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