"Escape fund" - how much?

[KatsuKatsu]

I read a post on here a few months a go where someone had set up a secret fund to be given to their daughter on their wedding day so that should they ever want to leave the marriage money wouldn't hold them back. I thought this was a great idea, so I'm looking to do something for my toddler (it might take me a while to save!) How much do you think is a sensible amount for this? £10,000?

I would say enough to rent somewhere for 6 months and to cover legal fees. Would £10k do that?

I certainly wouldn't give it to my daughter on her wedding day though! Thats like saying you don't think her marriage will last.

Could you keep the money yourself and just give it to her if she needs it.

If she's currently a toddler, it's impossible to say how much money she would need in those circumstances in 20/30/40+ years time. Look how much prices have changed in the last few decades.

£10k in, say 2050 could buy anything from a chocolate bar to a house, depending on what happens to prices in the coming decades.

Best you can do is invest in a low risk investment fund what you can afford, balanced with your other financial commitments so it hopefully grows and keeps pace with inflation.

She might not get married. Just save what you can for her future, whatever it might be.

Sounds a bit crazy unless you keep hold of it. What happens if they spend it ?

Also can you imagine being given a lump sum on your wedding day just incase you need to escape . I think I'd have been a bit

While you mean well I'd just keep it yourself unless needed as pp suggests. And alter your will to give the sum to her (ring fenced from husband if that is possible).

Ok yes, advice taken, I'll just ring fence it for her but keep. In my name.

You can't save enough for this. What you need to do is encourage your daughter to keep her own career so that she always earns her own money and maintains her financial independence that way. She must never give up her career to follow her partner's, or give up her job. Women are not trapped because of a lack of 10k but because they lack the ongoing funds to support themselves and their children. Freedom comes from knowing you have enough of a salary to support yourself and your kids if you need to. If she does give up her career to be a SAHM (I would not recommend this - she needs to go into that eyes open) she must be married, and make sure hat her husband pays into a pension for her. She should also ask for some significant assets to be put into her name in recognition of her financial precariousness in becoming a SAHM wife. Y'know, hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

You should also encourage her to know how to spot a good relationship from a bad one. You just need to read the responses on threads here to see that so many women have no idea how to spot the signs of a man treating them badly. Get her '7 principles of a successful marriage' by Gottman. That is a good resource for spotting whether you are a in good relationship or not.

That's good advice @lifelast. Far better to reduce the risk of her ending up trapped in a bad marriage without the financial means to escape than to look to save an escape fund should she be in this position.

Prevention is better than cure and all that.

So in short you are better off going for prevention rather than cure, by teaching her basic financial knowledge and life skills, and relationship skills. And some basic feminism would help - do a study with her when she is older about all the facts and figures of how it is women who are disproportionately financially disadvantaged by relationship breakdown with children, and all the systems and cultures that create that. Knowledge IS power.

@lifelast absolutely agree!

My parents very happily married, always advised us to be independent and not rely on a partner even a husband. It was fantastic advice and I have a good career as a result, and now my kids are older it's even better as we now have a reasonable standard of living too. But I know I can walk away and provide for my self and my children of needed. I think it makes me more confident in the marriage as we are a partnership.

The other important thing is be a role model for your sons and daughters. Let them see what a healthy relationship is and how to manage disagreements etc how to share housework and child care.

I often think I might not be the most amazing mum or the most fun, but I hope my children have learnt from me what it is to have a good relationship and strong morals

Seems wrong to give your daughter an escape fund on their wedding day.
I think the best thing we can do is encourage our daughters, nieces etc. to educate themselves, get a good job to be able to support themselves. Raise them to be confident with the knowledge that no one should treat them poorly and that they deserve to be treated with respect.

You've had good advice already. Just laughing at the wedding day gift! MIL from hell. I thought my in-laws were bad

@lifelast yes that is my plan. Having narrowly escaped a shocking situation in the past I feel lucky I had kept my own career going. This was just a back up pot as I'd hate to feel she was ever trapped because of lack of money.

@Ithinkitsadoughnut

You've had good advice already. Just laughing at the wedding day gift! MIL from hell. I thought my in-laws were bad

Haha yes I get why it's not the best idea. Also best to keep it under my control in case her partner finds out about it and presures her