Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

What's fair here? (Co-habiting couple)

28 replies

PropertyProblems · 04/03/2022 12:18

Sally earns £30k. She has savings and is planning on buying a BTL for her own security.

Harry earns £40k. He owns a house and pays £900 per month mortgage with £1k interest per year.
He has an 8 year old son (not Sally's) 50% of the time.

Sally is moving into Harry's house. They are planning on getting married soon.

The house bills are as follows:
Council tax: £150 per month
Gas/ electric £250 per month
Food: £300 per month
Car (shared): £200 per month

Sally is currently paying council tax, food, and car. Harry is paying mortgage and gas/ electric. Harry thinks that sally should start paying the electric bill.

Is this fair? If not, what is?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 04/03/2022 12:27

If you're planning on getting married anyway get yourself added onto the mortgage and start paying the energy bill but split one of the others - preferably the food?

Isonthecase · 04/03/2022 12:30

I treat the mortgage bit like savings so they should split leftover bills and Sally should hurry and buy her buy to let then offset mortgage payments from that again the other mortgage payments but put income from it (after costs like taxes and doing it up) in to the family pot.

Chronicallymothering · 04/03/2022 12:36

If work out first if you are going on the mortgage once married and what % share you will hold in that instance.

If marriage is sure to go ahead then £900 each is a fair split of the expenses of the household. But at the moment you have no claim to the house so you should pay half of the other expenses excluding mortgage and make a token payment towards the cost of the home but not equal shares

Chronicallymothering · 04/03/2022 12:37

I’d also worry a little that on a salary of 40k Harry doesn’t have any savings, and wonder if we’re financially matched attitude wise.

That would affect my appetite for marriage depending on how much savings I’d be bringing to the marriage.

BuanoKubiamVej · 04/03/2022 12:49

Both Harry and Sally need to separate out in their minds the practicalities of which account a transaction comes from, versus the realities of shared responsibilities and benefits. As they are planning on getting married soon anyway it would make most sense to set up a joint account now into which both pay a monthly lump sum and all mortgage bills and joint expenses totalling £1800 come from there.

I would suggest a fair split of this £1800 should be a bit more weighted towards Harry than Sally, firstly because he earns more and secondly because the costs of his DS are primarily his responsibility rather than a shared responsibility. So I would say it should be somewhere around about £1,100 from Harry and £700 from Sally or maybe £1000 from Harry and £800 from Sally.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 04/03/2022 13:11

Sally would be paying around £775 if she paid the electricity. Harry would be paying around £1025. That doesn't sound massively unfair to me.

girlmom21 · 04/03/2022 13:15

@HunterHearstHelmsley

Sally would be paying around £775 if she paid the electricity. Harry would be paying around £1025. That doesn't sound massively unfair to me.
But he's paying the mortgage on a house he owns and she has no entitlement to. They're splitting the bills fairly on paper but legally she has no protection.
2DogsOnMySofa · 04/03/2022 13:26

Sally should pay £450. That's half of all the bills. The house isn't hers so she shouldn't contribute to the mortgage. For several reasons, if she does contribute she may have a claim on the house should they split up, and secondly because if she didn't have a claim, then why would she pay towards a house she will never own. A lodger wouldn't pay much more (if any) than the £450 she pays and that's all she really is at the moment.

If they got married or she was on the mortgage that would be different.

I also think she's absolutely right to save and buy a BTL property. She needs to secure herself financially for her future.

2DogsOnMySofa · 04/03/2022 13:29

@HunterHearstHelmsley a mortgage is essentially a loan to buy a house. Why should Sally pay half of his loan for something she will never own? She's already contributing to the household by paying half of the bills, which is right and fair. Shes having the advantage of a house, but if she rented she'd have the house to herself, not sharing it with two other people.

De88 · 04/03/2022 13:40

Fair for me, if you're going to spending the rest of your lives together, is pooling all your money together and paying everything out of the pot, not "your money/my money / you pay this and I'll pay that"

In this instance i think he should work out and keep the proportionate value of the house thus far and split the rest ongoing after she moves in.

Interesting to see the other answers!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 04/03/2022 14:05

@2DogsOnMySofa

Sally should pay £450. That's half of all the bills. The house isn't hers so she shouldn't contribute to the mortgage. For several reasons, if she does contribute she may have a claim on the house should they split up, and secondly because if she didn't have a claim, then why would she pay towards a house she will never own. A lodger wouldn't pay much more (if any) than the £450 she pays and that's all she really is at the moment.

If they got married or she was on the mortgage that would be different.

I also think she's absolutely right to save and buy a BTL property. She needs to secure herself financially for her future.

I absolutely wouldn't have anyone move in with me and just pay half the shared bills. Also, the bills listed above probably aren't half everything- TV, WiFi, insurances etc. You could probably easily add an extra couple of hundred on!

If it were me, I'd say some sort of "rent", for arguments sake let's say £300, then half the bills & food. The bills above are £900, that would be £750 straightaway. If bills were included in the rent, I'd say £500 with food and car on top. That again comes to more.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 04/03/2022 14:07

A quick look on spareroom in my area, a room in a shared house including bills is £500.

jay55 · 04/03/2022 15:48

@HunterHearstHelmsley

A quick look on spareroom in my area, a room in a shared house including bills is £500.
But a room in a shared house, you don't share a bed with the landlord.
Selma22 · 04/03/2022 16:09

If kept the same long term he will have paid his mortgage and Sally will have nice savings,btl property someone else will be paying off.At the end of the day would Sally like if he moved in her property and just paid some bills ?
After tax,monthly 30k and 40 k isn't that much of a difference.
I currently live with my partner who owns the house and I contribute (not half) towards mortgage as where else would I be living rent free?

FlippityFlippityFlop · 04/03/2022 16:27

@Selma22 the difference on that wage is £500 a month. So he should definitely be contributing more to the pot

FlippityFlippityFlop · 04/03/2022 16:29

I should have said - that's £500 per month after tax

Selma22 · 04/03/2022 16:37

@FlippityFlippityFlop

I should have said - that's £500 per month after tax
Oh he should definitely pay more that for sure the question is by how much.And just because someone gets paid more doesnt meant they should cover all the salary discrepancy. Its not about leveling out disposable income but about paying fair share .Just because he gets paid more doesnt mean he should keep her.
iPaddy · 04/03/2022 16:44

Sally needs to make sure she really understands the new-ish tax treatment of BTLs, which makes them much less profitable, as well as the time suck of being a LL. If they're getting married both properties will become marital assets.

BuanoKubiamVej · 04/03/2022 17:31

Sally should be contributing a bit under half of the bills and food costs (she shouldn't be subsidising the child so it shouldn't be half) plus an appropriate amount of "rent" in terms of contribution towards mortgage. She shouldn't be able to live rent-free - what she pays in excess of her fair share of non-mortgage expenses does depend on what she is gaining in terms of residency rights and nominal rights over the increase in equity that builds up over the years. With rose-tinted specs on this is unimportant as Harry and Sally will be together until the day one of them dies but realistically that doesn't always happen so the decision about how much she pays can't be made without also having a conversation about what will happen if they split up - including the possibility that a split could happen before the planned happy wedding day.

MostlyHappyMummy · 04/03/2022 17:38

Not pay towards mortgage.
50% towards car
About 35/40% of all other costs since the child is not shared
Anything else is incredibly unfair

ChoiceMummy · 04/03/2022 18:03

@PropertyProblems

Sally earns £30k. She has savings and is planning on buying a BTL for her own security.

Harry earns £40k. He owns a house and pays £900 per month mortgage with £1k interest per year.
He has an 8 year old son (not Sally's) 50% of the time.

Sally is moving into Harry's house. They are planning on getting married soon.

The house bills are as follows:
Council tax: £150 per month
Gas/ electric £250 per month
Food: £300 per month
Car (shared): £200 per month

Sally is currently paying council tax, food, and car. Harry is paying mortgage and gas/ electric. Harry thinks that sally should start paying the electric bill.

Is this fair? If not, what is?

Now, in a usual situation, I'd expect that they pool financial resources and then share whatever is left. BUT this is a new part given they're only just moving on, and I think that Sally needs to maintain her financial independence. And though it's unpalatable, I also think that the additional costs relating to the partner's child are his to bear. Unless she's going to gain out of his mortgage payments if this fell apart before marriage, then I don't think she should be contributing towards it.

So, really absolutely at best, I'd be suggesting a peppercorn rent and half of household costs is more than generous until marriage and it's known to be successful.

Darbs76 · 05/03/2022 07:44

I agree with @2DogsOnMySofa, Sally should pay £450, half of the bills only unless she later goes on the mortgage. Thorough given some of the expenses may relate to Harry’s DS (food perhaps) maybe £400 is more reasonable.

Ragwort · 05/03/2022 07:54

Are Sally and Harry planning to have DC together in the future ... there's a lot more to discuss here than the share of the electricity bill. You need to be on the same page about parenting, (how is Sally's relationship with the step child who will be living there 50% of the time), sharing chores etc etc as well as financial issues.

I would suggest Sally stays single in her own flat and 'dates' Harry if she wants to ... think very carefully.

Alwayscheerful · 05/03/2022 08:33

£900 a month mortgage
Less than £90 a month interest
£800 is in effect savings or capital repayment.

iPaddy · 05/03/2022 09:00

@Alwayscheerful

£900 a month mortgage Less than £90 a month interest £800 is in effect savings or capital repayment.
That figure might not be accurate. My mortgage repayment is £600 and interest is £125. It will depend on the length of term and amount left.