How to split finances fairly?

[Chocomelon]

H + W married with one child DD
H has one DD (W'a DSD)
Married 5 years ago and both earned the same. Separate accounts but one joint account for bills and each paid half of joint expenses. W mostly paid for food and extras because H paid for CS.

W now earns circa £3000 a month. H earns around £2000 a month.

Neither want to have a fully shared account at the moment.

What is a fair way to split bills and expenses? Paying half each of bills is not fair on H. W paying all of food, house stuff, child needs not fair on her.

Options

Both pay ALL into a joint account for bills and savings and DD then keep an equal allowance each eg £750 or £1000. What about CM for DSD - does this come out of the allowance (could ensure it would be enough) or out of shared pot? What about savings for DD (W idea so should only W pay?)

Pay a proportion of each salary into joint account eg 50%. This would cover bills and leave some money left over which could be for food, household expenses, DSD needs or takeaways / holidays. Maybe we could have separate account for these.

First option means one partner still has more to spend than the other but they also have one more child. In fact they would have less in either option.

Are other contributions relevant?

W does most housework and main carer for DD. W wants to get a cleaner but H disagrees. W Cabot force B to pay half but unfair that W does all the cleaning otherwise.

Lots of factors.

He's selfish.

I don't think he is tight but has always struggled a bit financially.

I earn as lightly more than DH but not too much difference, about £4k pa. This is what we do, we both have salary paid into our own personal bank accounts. Then we both pay fixed amount into joint account £1200 per cm. That covers mortgage, utilities, water, food, pet food/care, cleaner 3 hours each week, all household bills eg.oven cleaner, car fuel, window cleaner, replacing an appliance, takeaways, TV licence, house insurance, day today expenses child red nose Day money etc. Joint gifts to others, charity child payments. We both keep the remainder of money in our personal account for ourselves. I pay for car, not, car repairs etc but in reality we share my car. That is fine as I earn as little more. Out of my account I pay my phone, my dental fees, personal clothes and shoes, Cats Protection League monthly donation, haircuts for me, gifts for DH, my life insurance, any treats I want to buy myself. I sometimes give a random gift to my adult children or treat my sister's to lunch out. DH pays for his mobile, dental fees, subscription to Veg Society, his life insurance, occasional drinks out with friends, gifts for me. DH pays more pension than I do. DH has to go into office some days each week so has travel expenses on train and chooses to buy lunch out on most days.

The adult DC are mine but DH has helped bring them up for 17 years so is heavily invested in them and 2 dgc. DH does not have any biological children but together we bring up a foster child. Most gifts to adult children and foster child are shared 50/50. Holidays we split cost 50/50. We both have our own savings. He likes to put money into ISA's and I have saved up and bought several btl houses. DH will do maintenance for these for me and I treat him to meal out for his trouble. We both put equal amounts into joint savings account.

Sorry, that sounds very difficult re his attitude and everything. Would you consider going to counselling together to try to work things out? Perhaps he needs a third party to really understand how to make a partnership work.

Re finances, different things work for different couples (and in different seasons of life). Atm we each put 80% of our salary into the joint pot for bills, family expenses and savings. We keep 20% for personal money which we can save or spend, no questions asked. I work part time and earn just under £1.5k per month, DH is full time and earns about £2.4K per month, so his spending pot is bigger but I’m ok with that. I’d rather have the freedom to work part time than have lots of spending money - I already save some of my pot - but DH needs some autonomy with his money to feel happy and I want to make sure we’re both happy with the budget. We’ve done “all in the one pot” before when I was a SAHM and we were skint and that worked alright for budgeting purpose for several years but DH did struggle with having to account for every expense. So I’m a big believer in being flexible and changing things up as your circumstances change.