Child Maintenance

[LadyLuck33]

Hi everyone I have an ex who causes a lot of problems for me and my new husband. This is the back story. I have 4 children with this man. I went through domestic violence and a lot of other issues with him. Since we broke up he has refused to return my childrens clothes my new husband brought, never paid for school uniform or other clothes, never attended anything with kids school and never payed for trips as my oldest son missed out on in year 6, my son had an accident and had an operation he turned up to have a ago at me but never showed up for operation which my son wanted his father there, abuse form him and his new girlfriend who have 2 children. If I list out any more incidents this post will go on forever. I've had to take out a restraining order out on her because of the threats. He refuses to speak to his children and sees them every 6-8weeks. There's no court order for the children yet as I'm currently in the process of doing so. He is very controlling and tries to manipulate me and the children to get what he wants. My son currently lives with him as this was a mutual agreement as my son wasn't happy with me disciplining him for his behaviour in school. All his father does is PS4, get drunk and smoke cannabis with his girlfriend. He has contacted the police, socials services and child protection services on me for stopping my son from playing PS4 and removing it from his room as an example. I've had many services myself involved to help deal with this man. My son has been living with him for 11pm this now. I've had to remove my children from school and homeschool them because I'm scared he's going to kidnap them and not return them, which he has done when my daughter was in nursery, refused to bring her back for 2weeks and the police refused to help me because he's on the birth certificate. Only reason he brought her back because she kept crying to come back to me. I took out child maintenance back in 2018 and they stated I could only receive £7 for 4 children, which it is what it is for him being on benefits. The benefits he receives he stated he lives with his mum but was living with his girlfriend, now he has my son, my son lives with his grandmother not him and he's receiving benefits for him living at his girlfriends house. I'm not sure if my son even sees a penny of this money. Me and my husband opened an account for him which we put money in for him as I know his father will blow it on drinking and cannabis with his girlfriend. He decided to stop paying by coming off benefits for 3months, but recently went back on. I put in for the amount to be collected instead of him paying as he owes me £850. And because of that he put an application for my son that lives with him in January to receive maintenance for £7 since I'm currently not working as I had another child. My questions are if I earn nothing and no longer on benefits does he get money off me? Since the child isn't with him isn't his grandmother supposed to get the money? If I do get a job and earn over £1,000 how much would he get? If I'm earning nothing and my husband is supporting me does he have to pay this man?

Thanks for reading my long post, please try understand.

I don't want to give money to this man as he hasn't got my child, he's looking to get free money anyway to get back at me. He has never cared about his kids and used them against me and manipulated and lied to them when ever they did visit him. I've had to protect my children by stopping him from seeing them. But have kept open communication for the children to speak to there father but since I stopped him he hasn't once called me to speak with the children. Or ask if they are okay.

You’re allowed to claim CB if your child lives with someone else, if you’re contributing at least that amount to the person caring for them. So I expect you’re on a hiding to nothing there, as his mother will back him up that he gives her the CB money, whether he does or not. And despite the fact he’s clearly scum, it’s not impossible that he’s slightly better behaved towards his mum and actually is giving her money for him. So I’d just let that one go.

Again, whilst I don’t doubt he’s scum, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on not paying the £7 a week CMS for your son living with him/his paternal grandmother. You have a legal responsibility to contribute and that’s fair.

I’m more concerned that you have 3 primary aged children not in school. Are you really home educating them adequately when there are three of them AND when you’ve had another child too?

I’d be getting them back into school ASAP, and doing all school runs to ensure he can’t pick them up.

This happened to someone I know who's two kids chose to stay at their Mom's fully, and the other one at their Dad's fully. They both had to pay each other maintenance for the children that lived with the other parent. This is something you will have to do as you have a legal duty to financially support the child.

The fact he is an arsehole doesn't surprise. Unfortunately there are a few men out there that are happy to screw their kid's Mom over when it comes to money as it's the only control they have left

Regardless of who has child benefit If you believe the child is living with the grandmother you need to inform CMS that he is not the primary carer of the child. If the case remains open, request a Mandatory Reconsideration and if after that it is still open take your appeal rights to tribunal. Gather all evidence you have. Do not let it go. Child benefit rules are not the same of eligibility for child maintenance. It might be worth informing child benefit that the child is not with him though.

There is a calculator online you can use to see how much you would need to pay if your income increases. If you do not work, your partner will not be liable to pay child maintenance on your behalf. It would be a nil assessment.

@Cocomarine Thanks for your response, I am fully aware my obligations to my child, and have gone above and beyond for my son despite my ex manipulating him against me and my husband. I have provided for all my children equally the best way I can even when he's not living with me. What I don't want to do is give his father a single penny as my son will not receive it. The man is a drunk and on drugs hence why my son lives with his grandmother. He's only taken CM against me out of spite because I changed the payments to collection. My son has an account I opened for him that I put on money on that he can take out when ever he wants. I rather give the money to his grandmother than that horrible man. His mother is with my son she should be receiving all the money for my son not him. Hence why I wrote the post to best approach this situation.

@Cocomarine Oh and yes I am homeschooling just fine as my husband used to be a teacher and we also work very close with my childrens old school as they understand the situation hence. They have been supporting my family for 4years dealing with this man ruining my childrens lives. Social services, health visitor and other advisors have suggested I homeschool my children for their wellbeing as they are struggling due to their fathers antics that have gotten worse over the years.

@Needanewadventure2021 thanks for your response unfortunately yes it's true their are horrible men and women who uses their kids as weapons and don't care if the kids get hurt to hurt their ex's. I have been through so many support services and they are all stating I go court. Which is what I'm trying to do, solicitors are not cheap and everyone keeps saying it like it's cheap. Only possible out come for now is to move house. My children deserve a normal happy life without being manipulated or forced to feel some certain way. At leader then they can go back to school and socialise with children their age. I feel homeschooling is fun for them and they do socialise with other homeschooled children but it's not the same.

@Sparkle123r thanks for your response I have already reported him for giving false information. the amount to pay for CM isn't the issue. I'm more concerned that those payments child benefit, child maintenance, and the universal credit payments for my son, his grandmother isn't receiving despite her being the primary cater and he's spending the money my son is supposed to be receiving on himself and other family. Which isn't fair on his grandmother and my son. But his grandmother isn't going to tell me nor is my son as my son is a proper daddies boy. He will lie for his father despite knowing his father is in the wrong. My son lives with his grandmother because that's what he wanted due to not being happy being disciplined. Anyway my point is me making payments isn't the issue it's just I don't want to pay this man the money I rather pay his grandmother. But even with the payments we are both paying the same, so don't they cancel each other out. I feel he's doing it so he doesn't have to pay a penny for the 3 children. I just had enough of this man constantly finding ways to control my life.

@Cocomarine almost for got the 3rd child is in secondary school, he goes as his father has no control over him. Plus they don't speak or see each other as this is what my son wants due to witnessing his fathers behaviour and his father clearly showing no interest on getting to know him. I just have the younger two.

@Cocomarine all the whole have a case open with him as the primary carer, you are required to make payments. Whether you want to or not. You run the risk of being put onto collection service top otherwise. You can't pay money into an account for your son or to the grandmother unless he agrees otherwise again you run the risk of collection service.

If you are both paying the same, send a message and ask for them to consider offsetting. However if you return to work, the amount you are liable to pay will change and you will have to pay more.

If you've already reported it to CMG and it's been refused you need to appeal. Also report a benefit fraud claim and child benefit. It's not just about the money, it's the wider picture where you are concerned your child is not receiving the money. From what your saying its a potential welfare issue.

At this stage you need to pay what you've been assessed at, and follow through with appeal. Under tribunal they can gather additional evidence that CMG can not. If you do not do this, nothing will change and the case remains open regardless of how you feel about it and the circumstances

@Sparkle123r I will make the payments to him monthly as CM has stated, I have put in a report for fraud to the benefit system and also CM and provided evidence just not sure how to put in a mandatory reconsideration online for CM. But I'll contact them on Monday and figure it out. I haven't given any money to the grandmother as of yet since he only put in the claim just 2 weeks ago. The money I put in my sons account has nothing to do with CM this me and my husband making sure he has what he needs since he moved in with his grandmother.