Access where ex has been violent and has neglected dcs

[confusedbylawyers]

My ex was violent to me many times and has a conviction for it. He then left my dd2 (who is disabled) unattended in the house and drove 30 miles away and hasn't had any access since. I reported him to police for this on advice of friends/family and he has been charged with child abandonment and neglect. He has to go to court to plead in January. (I was surprised as police thought it would be a caution). Ex wants to see children, I don't want it to be unsupervised, but supervised access requires referral by court and is very expensive! I'm confused about what to do next. I've been to see two different solicitors but neither of them seemed to take it very seriously. The first suggested he see the children individually on their own. The second thought supervised contact, but had no idea how to set it up. I have done all the research into it, but because it seems to be so expensive, I haven't gone any further. Ex is hassling for contact. Any ideas? Thanks.

I am wondering what the £300 per session fee that the supervised access centre locally wants actually covers. Are they perhaps thinking that there needs to be several people present, all supervising, incase anything happens.
What is "heavy-duty" supervision... several bouncers from then local nightclub?

My older sister is a social worker and when I mentioned to her that I was doing supervision, she warned me against doing it. Now several months down the line, it seems to be going OK - if very boring, as I try to let dad play with his child, and not overly interfere - though I always keep close to them both, should anything start to go wrong. Must be hard for dad - when out one time, we had to both had to cram in to the baby changing room, as I can't let dad change his child unsupervised.

That sounds hopeful then, nannynick, if I could find someone like you around... You're providing a really useful service. How do you think I could go about finding someone who would be willing to do this sort of work? A regular nanny agency? Thanks for your input...

Best thing would be to get someone who already knows your children - or who knows dd2. Do you have any carers who work with her already? Never know, they may fancy some overtime.

I would avoid agencies, contacting people directly may be best bet - though finding them is another matter. Perhaps advertising for a carer / childcarer - and then telling them the specifics once they have shown initial interest.

Lol at bouncers! The person in charge of the centre was a psychologist I think - apparently they often deal with people who have sexually abused their children or tried to abduct them. There is very tight security and parents do not meet at any time. Several people are present observing, making sure everything is safe and writing reports.

It does sound a bit over the top for my needs which with the cost is why I haven't gone for it! But I would like a middle-ground between this and the very minimal supervision available at the cheapest contact centre. The service you provide sounds good, although I would be concerned at the ability/willingness of the person involved to deal with my ex if he became difficult in any way.

I have just realised you are a man nn which does put the thing into a new light...! I was thinking you were quite brave to go into this situation as a lone woman. That's really why I wouldn't be happy to impose this on dd2's carer as she is female and potentially could be vulnerable...

Yes, being a bloke probably helps a lot.

If you're going to use solicitors, make sure they are members of Resolution who used to be family law solicitors, they are supposed to advocate alternative dispute resolution, but my opinion of solicitors is that they are lower than tapeworms.

Costs are RARELY awarded in children act matters - and then only if there has been 'vexacious' litigation (legal term for 'taking the piss').

Is there any way you can reduce your hours so that you qualify for legal aid?

I know of a place local to me that was used for contact , it is called Pro-Contact, based in Salford, Greater Manchester, I wonder if you contact them and see if they know of any places that may be local to you. This pro-contact place had some links with the courts as one of the northern Circuit Judges was involved with it...

good luck with everything.

Message withdrawn

FYI I did originally have a tapeworm representing me at my first directions hearing at court .... she was worse than useless and her neglectfull actions resulted in my daughter seeing her dad reduced by 50%

... after that I got wise and self-represented myself and ... it's not hard, most solicitors are lazy and don't give a stuff about you , they are only interested in making more money and prolonging matters so ... they can make more money. I wiped the floor with my ex's tapeworm. These so-called 'professionals' fail thousands of parents and children every day in the family courts.

... so thank you very much, in future I would never use a solicitor. In fact the only reason I'm using one atm is to progress with my divorce petition, unfortunately can't escape from them.

Message withdrawn

Of course I've heard of pro bono work, I'm not completely ingnorant you know. I'm sure there are thousands of sols out there doing sterling work for death row citizens etc.

What my beef with is family law solicitors. They are in my experience ignorant of up to date case law and sociological research. They are not interested in a child's best interests, but in their clients best interests ... because of course they pay the bills. Solicitors are lazy because they just churn out the 'standard' parental schedule for parents post-separation ... that doesn't work. They ARE lazy because they are not willing to challenge the current situation. It's only people like myself who are prepared to self-represent and deny funds to those tapeworms but would rather spend the money on my daughter who will achieve some change.

... so it's NOT a generalisation to say that most solicitors are hard working for the benefit of manking? do me a favour.

Are you in the legal profession or connected with it somehow? I find your aggressive attack on me rather unpleasant, if you are a solicitor I do hope that you don't behave this way towards your clients!

and for your information, I was always courteous and polite (as I am in life and work ... you certainly seem to come across as rather aggressive) to my solicitor, also to my ex's solicitor even when she was trying to provoke more animosity (because then they earn more money).

I didn't 'get on' with my solicitor because although their firm was a member of Resolution, she was useless, did not represent my wishes, was unprepared and seemed out of her depth. Her actions caused my daughter to spend less time living at her dads than she wants to, as she regularly says...

I suppose in my capacity as hosting a support group for separated parents (women AND men) that the constant flow of clients I see who have been let down by incompetent, slow and downright rubbish tapeworms must just be a figment of my imagination.

There are a few good ones out there, but they are thin on the ground. One of my current clients has a rather good barrister as it happens, but again, very much the exception to the rule...

to be fair though, how many of those who feel they were let down were actually failed by their solicitors? or was it rather they had a poor case to start with or the legal system is flawed and teh sols take the blame?

Is the support group on FNF yerblurt?

I think it is the continued use of 'tapeworm' (!) which is infuriating lisalisa, who IIRC is a lawyer or similar.

Sorry for the derail confused...

speaking from personal experience, my situation was a case of equal shared care parental arrangement basically 1 week on 1 week off, with nightly telephone contact to the other parent. The child thrived and had a consistency of routine, this had been in place for 6 months. ie there was an established status quo. due to the inept actions of my tapeworm, whom I had entrusted basically the care of my daughter to, she totally dropped a bollock and pandered to the ex's sol (I was niave in those days and didn't know any better), thus resulting in my daughter seeing her dad for 50% less time.

time after time I see tapeworms making basic mistakes, whether it's because they have too many ongoing cases, who knows? It's their responsibility to do a good job. I see tapeworms who have poor case management, are not pro-active, say you can't do this that or the other (which I know now as I've self represented with a McKenzie friend), a basic ignorance of many aspects of family law, which I agree, is a rather specialist and not very 'sexy' and not well paid actually area of law. Not as glam as say, contract or criminal law. But then everything in the family court system is secret so there is no push to improve best practice or to even do an audit and see what works ... as no records are kept.

lisalisa may be a lawyer, is she a family law solicitor???

The support group is FNF, yes.

LOL at tapeworm reference

Don't get het up about it - is funny.

Hey aren't worms hermaphrodites? Or is that snails?

I thoguht that each solicitor had their clients interests at heart and then the judge would listen to both and decied what was best for the child??

If I had to use a solicitor I'd expect them to be looking out for my best interests as it's me that's employing them.

well sols say they have their clients interests at heart, but really it's money ... more letters, more telephone calls, more sending of letters, more adverserial litigation = more money.

they are a business and only interested in getting MORE money.

I'd never use a solicitor again

Hmm, I don't know really, you could say that of every single profession going.

Unless it is a volunteer post then everyone is doing it for money.

There was no residence order in place previously, it was a shared parenting schedule.

The former matrimonial home was sold (previously I was living in shared accommodation), so that freed up funds so I could get my own place. My daughter started staying for extended overnights and was requesting to stay longer, my ex was fine with this. eventually it was a week on a week off and my daughter was fine with that. the ex tried to unilaterally change the schedule by bullying me verbally, intimidating me, threatening to call the police. She refused to attend family mediation when I suggested it to discuss matters, even though I made all the appointments and attended my 1st appointment.

When her further bullying and threats didn't work, she applied for a sole residence order, depsite our daughter having a basically 50:50 shared care arrangement in place for 6 months.

When I first went to court, due to the inept actions of my solicitor/tapeworm (who was subsequently sacked) and a worse than useless biased judge, plus a biased duty CAFCASS officer, my daughters contact time with dad was reduced by 50%.

After it's all been sorted now, it works out that DD lives at mine for approx. 35% time per year, she wants to stay more but the only way to vary the time would be to take it back to court, something which would be financially and emotionally draining.

My ex is more than happy for DD to stay at mine more when it suits her - i.e. her social life, sometimes it seems that DD is more of a hinderance to her. Hopefully as DD grows up more and is able to voice her opinion more she will be able to make her decisions on her own steam...