Constant anxiety about affording retirement

[Jalapinot]

40 years old and only have about 40k in my pension pot. DH ha even less. All down to shit choices made in our younger years/low paying jobs/lots of debt in younger years.

Can't really afford to pay more into it and still have 25 years left on our mortgage. Just keep worrying about how we will afford to live after retirement age. I know that's 25+ years away and it's my fault for bad choices/burying my head in the sand but I find myself constantly thinking about it and having moments of uncontrollable crying. My parents (boomers who don't have to worry about this) keep telling me the state pension won't exist by the time I'm a pensioner.

We live pretty much payday to payday and rarely have treats/holidays.

Day dreaming/nightmaring about having to move into a bed sit at 65 or have the house repossessed.

Constantly worrying about losing my job (not currently at risk of redundancy, the company I work for is growing hugely) and not being able to find one at a similar wage (pretty sure I'm well overpaid for what I do).

I don't really know what I'm looking for since no one can magic money out of thin air and we aren't in a position for one of us to retrain, we're both at the top end salary wise for the sectors we work in.

Probably just to say it out loud.

Does anyone else constantly worry?
I know we can't be the only ones in this boat.

I don't worry too much about it.
If you're doing what you can now, it's all you can do.

Yeah - I’m trying not to think about it. But then my dad died in his late 40s and mum was barely 70 so I guess I’m slightly of the view I might not need it!

When you’ve paid off your mortgage that will be a great asset. As your income goes up and the mortgage comes down you may end up paying it off faster. It will be much cheaper to live. It could mean when you retire that you move out somewhere cheaper and rent it and use the rent to live off.

There’s an Australian book ‘the barefoot investor’ that might be helpful. It’s very clear and reassuring. It might help you feel a bit more in control

Sorry if I'm being dense but you'll have the mortgage paid by 65 - so how/why would it be repossessed? Don't forget that your retirement outgoings won't need to include mortgage payments or pension savings!

When you are nearing the end of your mortgage they monthly repayments are relatively so much smaller than now.

I would try and overpay your mortgage even by £25 per month can make a difference. Are you truly living a frugal life now? Have you looked at money saving expert?

Im just thinking we won't have enough to pay the bills associated with the house and general Living. But we could downsize by then. I keep catastrophising (is that a word?).
I spent hours last night convinced my boss hates me and I'll be sacked and no one will employ me and we'll lose everything. I don't even know where this is coming from.

We could live more frugally. We are sitting down next week to try and go through old paperwork looking for old pensions and working out where we can make some cuts. I've managed to conquer an eBay and Amazon habit in the last 6 months so long term, I'm sure that will help.
I planned to overpay my mortgage with the pay rises we think we'll get in April but then the energy crisis makes me think maybe now is not the right time.

Yes, catastrophising is a word. I used to do that, I know it's hard to stop the worry spiral.

do you have children? Do you have time to do extra work? I did that for ages - now 45.

Don't look at articles saying "you need x amount", they are often total rubbish.

You're not going to be sacked.

@Jalapinot

We could live more frugally. We are sitting down next week to try and go through old paperwork looking for old pensions and working out where we can make some cuts. I've managed to conquer an eBay and Amazon habit in the last 6 months so long term, I'm sure that will help. I planned to overpay my mortgage with the pay rises we think we'll get in April but then the energy crisis makes me think maybe now is not the right time.

Cross post Good that you are doing this

Don't save credit card details on places like Amazon and ebay.

It sounds like you need to deal with your anxiety, it's stopping you live your life.

Sure you need to go through your finances and have a plan but you aren't in an awful situation.

I have one SDC but they are an adult. My job plus commute is almost 60 hours a week so there's little time for extra work.
I need to stop reading stuff online.

@RandomMess I'm sure you a right. I know we are in a better position financially than a lot of people we know but it's the anxiety that's the problem.

I disagree about trying to overpay your mortgage, any spare money would be better going into a pension. Is downsizing an option when you are older?

@CrimbleCrumble1 yes I expect so. We currently live in a two bed terraced house but expect we could manage in a 1 bed flat when older. For now, we have step DC to stay a lot.

I worry that I wont be able to able to afford the house once I'm in retirement. A new roof, a new boiler a re designed bathroom to suit my aging needs all will cost money I dont have. I physically cant save more than I am now and it's not enough. I'm ignoring the the retirement goals of holidays, meals out, entertainment, retiring before 68 as these are also going to be dashed.

@HandlebarLadyTash I hear you.
I often think the roof will cave in and we'll be ruined. I've spent my adult life fearing the worst.

[quote Jalapinot]@HandlebarLadyTash I hear you.
I often think the roof will cave in and we'll be ruined. I've spent my adult life fearing the worst. [/quote]
The roof was one of my catastrophising points

Is it possible this is all catastrophising?

I struggle with anxiety too.
Getting a clear picture of where you are now and a plan to get you where you need to be will give a lot of reassurance. Is your husband similarly worried? Do you feel you are a team when it comes to finances?

Any debt left?

Any chance you could downsize or relocate to get rid of your mortgage entirely now? Then make sure what did go on mortgage payment goes straight into pension pot?

@EmmaH2022
Possibly. But these are all things that could go wrong.
The latest thing is that our house is a near a pylon and reading another thread on Mnet about how no one would consider a house near a pylon. My parents have a wonderful retirement, both retired by 50, mortgage paid off when they were in their early 40s. Just can't help but think I'm a failure because we live payday to payday, no real savings, crap pension. State pension forecast is £179.80 a week if it still exists in 2050 something!

Try and channel some of your thoughts into working out what your pension will be worth in X amount of years time. It has years to grow yet.

I don't think we can downsize at the moment, not without moving further out costing more in fuel and travel fares. Sadly my DH has had depression and anxiety for years. While month to month money problems worries him he doesn't think about the future like I do.
We have about 3k of debt left and it's on 0% credit card and definitely clearable before the end of the interest free period.
It's definitely anxiety that's the issue here. I just don't know how to get it under control and it's affecting my sleep and I've started hair pulling again and have a 50p sized bald patch on one side of my head

OP, in my 40s we lived similarly to you, with no hope to ever afford giving up work and retiring! However, here I am, retired just before I hit 60, (although in work 2 days a week) with the mortgage paid off, kids all grown up and independent and living comfortably.
You’ve got 25+ years before retirement, plenty of time to increase your pension. I’d advise paying as much into your pensions now as you can, the earlier you pay in the greater the benefit.

@Soontobe60 thank you, it's actually nice to hear it's doable.

Could either of you make a sideways move into the public sector? The pensions are usually really generous. Even a decade in the public sector could make a big difference.

Also, don't be despondent about chipping away with even small amounts, it all starts to add up. Try some mortgage overpayment calculators and play around with them. Even small overpayments can make a dent over time.

It seems this is about your anxiety, rather than actual financial issues.
Your mortgage will be paid off by the time you retire. You do actually have a pension - which many don't. Realistically, it sound possible you will inherit from your parents "that don't have to worry about his" as well?

There will be a state pension, you are contributing towards it right now with your NI contributions.. Just make sure you make the full 30 years.. That's around 775, so you both have full contributions that's a decent amount, whether the state pension sticks around for years to come who knows but I'm certain your age group will be good