Covid financial disaster

[Shaboon1978]

2 years ago I lived in a 5 bedroom house and my husband earned 150k a year, 280k of equity, no worries, lovely holidays etc. He lost his job in the city and life changed overnight. Fast forward to now, renting and 150k left, he's setting up a business which should earn 50k a year, I earn around 40k. I've lost all respect for him tbh, in my eyes he's swaned about for 2 years whilst I work going to the gym and I suspect invested on the stock exchange and lost 100k but wouldn't ever tell me. I feel like taking what I have in my name 46k and getting out. I'm 43 and he's 58

Is there no transparency on finances?
We have shared accounts aka both salaries go into one account. Where did the equity go to if you have no visibility?

He's no far from retirement age.

We have no joint account, he's always earnt the money

If you are seriously considering divorce they get legal advice. Starting point is usually 50:50 share of all assets including pension funds. Do not underestimate the value of his pension.

What happened to “richer, poorer” etc? Your DH earned a huge 150k a year and now he hopes to earn 50k a year. Losing his job, and such a well paid one, must have been a shock. But now he’s creating a new job for himself. Well done, him. You want to leave him just because he isn’t earning as much as he did?

Why did you just not buy another property with the equity and a mortgage on just your salary if necessary , much better use of the money than renting .

Why don’t you go and get a job that pays 150k a year if you’re so bothered?

Ah so now the cash cow has shrunk he's for the bin?

Agree with @Snowiscold - poor you, you can no longer have a supported lavish lifestyle due to circumstances which are beyond your husband's control, and at least he is trying to redress the balance by establishing a business to provide an income. Is your respect for him based soley on his salary?
Spare a thought for others who started from a much lower position in the hierachy, have lost much more, now have even less, but support one another through hard times. 'Cos, y'know, that is what people do, in a partnership

Get a job?

"for richer for poorer" OP.

What have you been doing with the past several years that you 'only' make £40k? Have you been swanning around enjoying all those nice holidays and that 5 bed house?

On what basis ought he respect you?

Struggling to sympathise.

Wow so he’s lost his job (I assume through no fault of his own), had started a new business to earn £50k a year (more than you) and you’ve lost all respect?!

Why don’t you use your equity to buy somewhere mortgages on your salary. He also must have a good pension he can use in a few years?

You do realise you’ve come across like a complete gold digger don’t you? So things have hit harder and you’re first thought is to take what’s yours and do one - lovely

You do come over a bit gold-diggy in you OP, but I suspect there’s more to it than just the money, and I would absolutely want to know where £130k had gone in two years because that’s ridiculous.!

I think he'd be better off without you!

This isn't disastrous by any stretch of the imagination. You're being ridiculous.

I apologise for my wine fuel post. I now feel dreadful at what people think of me! I should add that most of the money was mine , I guess I am very anxious for the future as we have no pensions etc and I can see it all going quickly as he refuses to alter our previous lifestyle. Please no more negative comments, im trying to be more positive, I guess really the crux of me evaluating my marriage is that he wants to retire abroad soon and I'm not ready or maybe will never be. Apologies again

I also should add that he put all of his pension post into a share and lost the lot, hence while I am worried about his money handling

should add that most of the money was mine
Ah so your money is your money, his money is joint money?

Why don't you have a pension?

You're not making much sense. Why have you got no pensions? What is he planning to retire on?

I don’t understand what you mean when you say most of the money was yours. What money are you referring to?

While I don’t like to hear of anybody's life being turned upside down, I can’t help wondering what you both were doing with money that your life changed overnight when he lost his job. Surely on that kind of income you had savings, investments, mortgage income protection? I mean I understand that as income increases people often take on extra financial obligations but it doesn’t read like you two had much of a buffer if you’ve already lost your home (that you had a lot of equity in), even though you were still earning.

That doesn’t sound like much equity on that salary.

Where has the £130k been spent in the interim, invested or just spent?

I'd leave if I was you, my much older ex husband was terrible with money, he just saw me as his retirement plan, he's in his 60s now with no pension, I'm still in my 40s and I finally own my own home despite giving him a big payout as part of the divorce. I might have less but at least it's secure.

I’m a bit shocked someone who worked in the city and earned 150k got to 58 and appears to be sticking his head in the sand over the future and continues to spend as he has.

Why are you renting?