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Original poster

How much do your working 19 year olds contribute to the household

20 replies

jenkel · 10/01/2022 11:17

My ds is 19, 20 later this year, is doing a foundation degree at the local uni for 1 day and works 4 other days of the week in a job that is connected to his degree but is relatively low paid. At the moment he contributes to nothing, dh wants it to stay like this for a few more years, until he has finished his degree. We have bought him a car but he is paying driving lessons, we tax, insure the car but he is soon to take his test and we have said if he passes we will sign the car over to him along with all the cost implications of having a car. We pay for his phone bill. I think he should now be contributing a bit more, especially with the cost of gas/electricity sky rocketing. We have booked and paid for a family holiday later in the year too. I don’t think ds will have any issue contributing to the house, it’s more dh that doesnt want it to happen, he had a very poor childhood where parents spent money on other things like drink/drugs and he went without a lot of quite basic things so think that is the reason behind it. DS is not extravagant in his lifestyle and is saving quite a bit of money for a house deposit so he is really sensible. Just trying to gage what people think before I approach dh.

OP posts:

TrophyWinner · 10/01/2022 11:42

Ds1 works FT on a little bit more than minimum wage. He pays £50 pw. He drives my old car, which I still own, but he covers all the costs. He also pays his own phone.

DS2 is doing an apprenticeship. He also pays £50 pw and his own phone. He doesn't drive but uses my bike to get to work

I do save it in a separate account which I may or may not return to them at some point, but they don't know that.

elelel · 10/01/2022 11:55

Mine don't pay anything but they are both saving so I'm happy to give them the chance to build a good base for moving on. We are not well off at all, but it's manageable. Kids take turns at buying us a takeaway each week and we provide meals the rest of the time.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/01/2022 12:14

He should at the very least pay for all the costs of his car, his phone, clothes, subscriptions he chooses to have, all food and drink he has outside the house, if he orders a takeaway etc, personal grooming items and similar, plus continuing to save some of his earnings.

If you can afford for him to otherwise live with you rent free, that's fine, but if he's earning at least NMW for the 4 days a week he works, he's got a decent amount coming in, so he definitely shouldn't see all of it as personal spending money, especially if you're not well off enough to continue to pay for him. For the holiday, I would expect him to save up his own spending money, rather than you pay all costs while you're there.

elelel · 10/01/2022 12:50

Yes sorry I didn't think about the other costs. DD bought and runs her own car, nothing to do with us. I pay for Netflix, Disney etc for the house, they are welcome to use them but rarely do. They also both pay their own phones. I buy shampoo/shower gel but they tend to buy their own because they prefer other brands. I stick to the same because of bad skin and autism.

CharSiu · 10/01/2022 15:03

DS will be starting his degree apprenticeship later this year. His pay will be almost 20k. He has been working for the last 18 months earning a similar amount. He pays £20 per week and buys the odd takeaway. He paid the top up for my car insurance so he can drive it, his phone, all clothes, gym membership and all petrol. He also pays a tv sub as he wanted it. He is also saving for a house deposit.

Do you actually need the money? We don’t at all but they need to learn life isn’t free. His contract is currently zero hours, when his apprenticeship starts we will ask for £50 per week.

user1487194234 · 10/01/2022 20:13

Mine won't pay anything until they have finished their education and are in full time employment

Musicalmaestro · 11/01/2022 23:59

20 yr old here pays £200 per month and cost of own phone.

Charlieandlola · 12/01/2022 00:04

Mine pays me back for his phone contract and pre payment prescriptions. I am keeping the ££ to return to him in some way . He pays for petrol -
I pay for insurance and services. He buys small grocery items if I ask too .

Girlintheframe · 12/01/2022 07:44

21 yr old pays £25 per week in full time MW job. Pays all own costs like phone, car etc. Eats at home 4 days a week but stays over night with GF every night.

CayrolBaaaskin · 14/01/2022 23:20

They shouldn’t be paying anything if they are students. You are obliged to support them.

NotDonna · 15/01/2022 07:53

It depends on what’s affordable for you. We don’t ask DD18 (paid apprenticeship) to contribute at all as she’s saving in a LISA towards a house deposit. We are very fortunate that we can afford to support her. If we were struggling (or near to) then I’d ask her to contribute. She’s very aware of how fortunate she is, which does matter.

Babyroobs · 15/01/2022 11:56

We have two working sons at home. 20 year old on an apprenticeship and 22 year old not long home from Uni. We don't charge them anything at the moment as the one on the apprenticeship doesn't earn much and the other has Uni debts etc to sort.
watching with interest though as we will need to start charging them something soon. It is hard though as the eldest literally rarely eats here, maybe a couple of meals a week. He works in hospitality and gets good food half price so tends to eat at work. He is also rarely in as he works a lot of hours, so it feels difficult to ask much of him. On the other hand the younger one eats us out of house and home !

talia66 · 15/01/2022 20:49

My son is doing a degree. Whilst he is in full time education we will not make him contribute. In fact his education is costing us a small fortune! Once he is done and working full time, that's when we will make him contribute.

Giraffapuses · 19/01/2022 23:46

Financial contribution should be reality based. Our monthly post tax income is just over £5k so we don't ask for anything. But, if we had less, we would ask them to contribute to meet the actual cost.

guessmyusername · 22/01/2022 15:37

My dd pays £50 per week. She works for a charity so not a high earner. She is saving for a deposit to buy her own place. I feel that they need to learn that they need to contribute when earning. I keep it in a separate account and plan to "give" it back when she gets her own place, although she doesn't know this.

HopelesslyOptimistic · 22/01/2022 15:45

@elelel

Something really endearing about this post. Love the fact they take - take away turns 😊

GreenClock · 23/01/2022 13:50

I think that healthy adults not in full-time education should always contribute something on a weekly basis. £50-£75 seems reasonable.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 23/01/2022 17:55

My DC are a bit older, 21 and 23 and both earn 25k per year. They both pay £140 per month. We don’t need the money but thinks it’s fair that they pay something towards the household.

PeakyBlender · 23/01/2022 20:42

Nothing, I'd rather they saved.

lakeswimmer · 23/01/2022 20:51

Nothing - he's not earning much and I want him to save so he can help pay his way through uni; he's applied to start in September this year and we can't afford to top up his maintenance loan.

If he doesn't go to uni and ends up living at home and working in the longer term then we'll ask for a contribution.

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