This is really long and boring, and highly unfestive, so please ignore unless you are a masochist, I hate to ask this at such a time.
But yesterday I finally had all the documentation through about my appeal to the benefits agency. It has made me feel really rotten.
Basically in October I had a medical interview thing to assess whether I was still depressed, and thus qualified for benefit on those grounds (Income support).
I was feeling terrible with PND on top of my usual depression, (such a cheerful soul, I really am!) and had a very short exam, it was only about 15 mins not the usual 45. The Dr. didn't ask me many questions. I had tried to look tidy and was holding Ds2 throughout, and tried to be lighthearted and friendly, in retrospect not a good idea.
It came back as a 'does not qualify' decision, based it would appear largely on the fact that I was tidy and seemed 'relaxed' (she had no idea that I had been in a spin about it for weeks, I guess I hid it well) but troublingly she had noted down answers which I had not given, eg. 'usually managed to tidy up' - I would never say that, it is a tip here, friends avoid coming round because of it - and 'does not suffer because of poor sleeping' which is just ridiculous. I wasn't even asked most of the questions, she had given the same (wrong) answrs to loads of them.
I asked them to reconsider, went to see my GP who knows my state of mind, she wrote, my HV wrote, I had scored 24 on the Edinburgh test, 19 on PHQ-9, both indicate severe depression. I was even referred to the mental health team for an assessment which I have now had. I am on the waiting list for therapy and am seeing an OT in the interim. She also rang the BA and gave her opinion, which they told her thy would make a note of.
They sent my long letter back to me saying they could not change the decision, I would have to appeal. I wrote another very long letter, which took a great deal of effort, typed it and printed it out describing my actual answers as they would have been had I been asked the questions. I sent it in with the correct appeals form, it was all I could do, it was very detailed.
I rang the BA last week and asked the status of the thing, they said it had gone back to the decision maker and i wouldn't have to go to appeal - I was so relieved and felt a little bit better till yesterday.
Then this pile of paperwork arrived, saying that I would have to appeal, and containing the decision maker's argument, which said basically that I had 'contradicted' the statements I had made in the exam (I didn't make them in the first place) and that I was evidently of sound mind, able to argue my case cogently, and could use a computer to type. Which reminds me of Catch 22 to be honest.
I am afraid and hurt and really, really upset by this seeming total lack of justice. Nobody believes me, they don't even take the word of my own doctor, and if I argue my case they say it is evidence that I am fine.
I now have to get through Christmas with this playing on my mind. I have to decide whether to have a tribunal where I am there, and probably again get judged on my appearance - and if I turned up looking scruffy they would probably say it 'contradicted' my original appearance, or something - or a 'paper' hearing, which means I won't be there, and cannot put my point across any further than I already have.
I am praying that my OT will be able to attend with me, or instead of me, but the date for the tribunal is not given, and she is very busy, and I don't even know if she would represent me. They totally ignored her phone call, it is not even mentioned.
I am freaking out a bit here, last thing I can face is a hearing about this, I feel like I've been pulled apart and assessed too maky times lately, it is horrible and intrusive. I am temptd to tick the 'I do not wish to continue with the appeal' box and have done with it, but that would just be dishonest - believe me, were I able to work I would be delighted to tick that bloody box.
I'm sorry this is so long.
I needed to offload somewhere, I am taking it out on Ds1 who senses I am upset and is playing up.