Will disagreement with DP

[Yaqis]

Dp & i have a child each and 1 together.

I have a larger inheritance than him, i will be splitting equally between my 2 bloodline children.

He has said he will give more to his first child because the child we have will be lucking out with my inheritance therefore meaning his 2 kids' inheritance amounts will be off.

I am saying, in the nicest way possible that doesn't matter, and his first child will also be getting inheritance from his mums side so its unfair to give more to 1 child.

(The issue of splitting all between 3 isn't an option for anyone curious)

Am i right that he should split his equally? I just dont see why my inheritance should act as a buffer. Its essentially me covering more of the cost of how much we leave our kids, is it not?

Maybe i need other perspectives?

Yeah you’re right, he should split his inheritance equally between his own biological kids.

That's a brilliant way to foster resentment between his kids when he pops his clogs. If that's his aim, then crack on.

Whilst you are not wrong and your logic is perfectly reasonable, I can understand the emotion that's driving his decision. He loves his children equally and wants an equal standard of living for all of them.

Interesting- I’m in the exact same position as you OP except DH and I have two children together and he has one (much) older child from a previous relationship.

I am in the process of booking an appointment to sort our wills but I was really surprised by his reaction when I broached my intentions with him. He hasn’t yet indicated how he would achieve it, but so far has suggested that he ‘didn’t think DS1 would be treated any differently.’ I didn’t press it further as he was clearly a bit shell shocked (since it’s probably the first time that I have shared my intentions) and so I’m giving him time to process it. But bottom line is I understand @Outlyingtrout’s comment is probably where he’s coming from. I’m not sure this outcome is possible though unless you know exactly how other DCs might inherit from other people. Surely you can only control what the beneficiaries of your own estate get??

I'm with you. Unless there is some clear reason like large gifts being taken into account or a child with special needs equal means the children you leave behind all feel valued.

Are your wills in place that suggest your DP inherit first or have you stated in the event you die your assets go to your DC? You need to be very clear and also if you have a joint mortgage for example and die first your DP will default own and could sell and keep the assests. So you need to be pretty sharp on ensuring your share goes where it needs to

What he does with his money is completely up to him, as is what you do with yours.
By the time you pop your clogs you might be penniless anyway!

I don't think he's being unreasonable actually. I have 2 DC with exH and 1 DC with now DH. My older 2DC will have a substantial inheritance from their grandmother/ father, DC3 has no grandparents so we have balanced what is being left to them to address this issue. Older DC and exH all know this and agree.

It's not always a bad thing. Sometimes it is: my father left all of us siblings and grandchildren wildly different amounts. It took 12 months to sort out and made equal. Nightmare.

Going against the grain here cos I kind of get where he’s coming from. For me it would depend on the holistic inheritance for his first child. If they’re not going to inherit from their maternal side then I can see why he might want to make it more equal. But if they are likely to inherit then it should be split equally. I’m not saying he’s right but I can see where he is coming from

I agree with you OP

However if you die first and as your husband he is the beneficiary he can simply do what he wants after your death.

For that reason I would ensure a certain amount is left directly to your child to ensure they get at least some inheritance

I don't have step children bit I do have considerably more assets than DH. For this reason he is left the minimum amount (£170k in my will with everything else split between our children)

I can understand his stance. I have 3 children, one from a previous relationship and so I’ve considered leaving most of my estate to him as my younger children will be receiving considerable more from their father / his family over the years and even more so when he passes. Not sure I could do it, but I can see why he’s thinking the way he does.

I do understand your perspective though and I think it depends a bit on the wider family situation as well. My DH has step siblings on both sides. His grandparents and parents choose to treat all DC and SC as equals in terms of gifts and inheritance, which is lovely in theory, but the SC all have their own grandparents and parents as well from whom they will inherit. DH and his siblings won’t inherit from the SC’s other grandparents. It just seems to work one way in his family.

With the cost of care running above £50k / annum, it is absolutely wrong to rely on any kind of inheritance.

In the absence of special needs, the only fair was is to split your estate evenly amongst your children.

Relying on an inheritance which may or may not materialise is really not a good idea and is bound to cause resentment.

If he insists, please ensure that he explains his thinking at the time, so they know what to expect and can raise any objections.

If all heirs are adults and agree, a deed of variation can be made after death, to even things you.

Would would want their parent to leave them less?