Splitting from dp. No job, no money. 3 kids

[TeenyfraeTroone]

Have decided to call it a day.
Have a dd from a previous marriage(7) and 2 ds with dp(3+2)
Won't go into all the boring reasons why other than to say that he is tightfisted and doesn't communicate - a fact confirmed by several of his friends in the course of our relationship.
I am a trained nurse, but haven't worked for nearly 4 years since ds1 was born. 13 months between ds1 and ds2, so am a SAHM.
My car is paid for(by my parents)as is his.
He works away from home and earns about 4-5k a month. We have a large house(bought for 380k 3 yrs ago) and a small mortgage(73k)
He is 46, I am 40. I am a joint owner with him.
He gives me £700/month for food, clothes, petrol, mobile, christmas club and about £25/week of this, I spend on nursery care for ds1.
I put nothing into the house financially apart from 8k that my nan left me which paid for a new drive.
Ideally I will find somewhere to rent in the village I live in as my kids have a big social network here. My parents and sister also live here.
I have no desire to screw him at all, and knowing him he will have it all worked out.
I have been on the working families and child tax credit websites to get some info as to what I could expect and have put feelers out to get a job, albeit very part time.
My ex dh gives me nothing for dd1 as he claims to be unemployed, sees this big house and £££££signs and therefore thinks his responsibility ends in MacDonalds.
What do I do?

Sorry to hear things haven't worked out.

I'm not an expert at all on this but common sense tells me that, if your mortgage is that small, it will probably be cheaper for your dp to keep you in the house and pay the mortgage than get you a rented place. As the father, he would be expected to support you and your ds's for some time and perhaps even your dd too if he has assumed care so far.

It may be more convenient for you, cheaper for him, especially as he works away from home so will not actually be needing house himself.

I hope I'm right but there are plenty of extremely qualified people who will be able to give you a better idea - keep bumping until someone comes along.

Thanks lala. it is going to be one hell of a fight. He wont give a shit about the kids, but from a financial POV he is a pretty smart cookie. he has told me in the past that his accountant is well known for being sneaky and has managed to not py his own ex wife maintenance for their 3 small kids.

You be a smart cookie too!

Tell your solicitor (cos you may well need one) that the accountant has a name for being sneaky and not paying maintenance.

You MUST look after your own interests. I would say this even if your DP was a decent guy and it was an amicable (if that's possible) splitting up.

Do you have a Civil Partnership agreement?
Contact Gingerbread re. getting legal advice.

You say you have not put anything financial into the house but you have put £8k into the driveway, which i would think counts as putting money into the property for repairs/renovations.

As you are a SAHM, you have more rights than you realise. (I found a lot out before i got married in Feb 07, re rights of SAHM, and we have a lot - incl a right to the house simply by living there and the more children, the more entitled we are to keep the house, but again, you MUST get legal advice.)

Start taking details of financial matters immediatly. Especially HIS!
How on earth does he earn that much money and not pay maintenance!
Get all information on as many accounts/investments he has, as he will try and hide them.

Its my ex that doesn't pay any maintenance. He claims he hasn't got a job.
Current DP and I have not yet split, so he hasn't had the opportunity NOT to pay yet.
Good idea though re details of financial stuff. He's back tonight so will get to it on Monday.

Lala, the morgage is interest only and has another 8 years to run. That means nothing to me but may to you

Hi Teeny,

I think you may be in Scotland, so you need to see a Scots solicitor if so. I'm an English divorce lawyer, and this info may or may not be helpful;

1. Maintenance

The Child support agency will expect him to pay 20% of his net income for the children.

1. The house

As your name is on the deeds, presumably as tenants in common in equal shares, you have an equal interest unless he can prove otherwise, regardless of the fact that he's paid more mortgage etc. Under Schedule One of the Children Act, you could apply for an order that you and the children stay in the house till the youngest is 18, and that he pays the mortgage, bills etc during that time.

1. Spousal mtce etc

Obviously you can't get spousal maintenance or a share of his pension as you're not married. It's for that reason that I'm suggesting you make a Schedule One application.

As I say, if you are in Scotland you need to take specialist advice.

I'm not in Scotland actually mumblechum. It's a nickname from an ex's scottish father. Is there a difference between being in Scotland and in England?
TBH I don't want him to pay for me in this house. It's bloody enormous, 1850, costs a fortune to heat, needs loads doing to it every year etc, etc,