Splitting from dh. Advice on what im entitled to please?

[SparklePrincess]

Dh has decided he doesnt love me & despite my efforts to salvage something from the wreckage by arranging to see Relate & an evening out for us without the dc (both of which he refused) ive come to the conclusion that there is no hope for us now.

We have a house with around 350k equity in it after the mortgage is paid. (which we have lived in for 2 years) My name is on this mortgage, but it wasnt on our previous house (where we lived for 7 years) I havent worked in almost 9 years (before I had my eldest dd) so have not officially contributed any finances to the household.

After the split I would only be able to get a term time job. (minimum wage) I put my own plans to train as a Nurse on hold when I had the dc & was unable to re train in anything
once they went to school because I had to fit in with dh`s erratic work pattern.

What percentage of the equity would I be entitled to? Theres no way I could afford to maintain our current house if he were forced to leave, & I wouldnt want to either. To be honest, I just want out now asap & would prefer to take the children & rent somewhere. Is this a very bad idea? Will it mean I have effectively given up my rights to a stake in the house as some people have said to me?

Any advice gratefully received.

see a solicitor right away
the starting point is equal shares but only after the children are housed and needs are met.

it is not based on who contributed what in terms of money, it is based on need and ability to earn.

also there are things like pensions to divide, any other savings and assets.

If you leave, you have not given up a share of the house, but you would lose a lot of control in practical terms and it could be the most frightening and unsettling experience for the children.

there may be a basis for your DH to be ordered to keep paying the mortgage (but live elsewhere) until it is all sorted out

I didnt really want to involve solicitors yet. Doesnt look like we could divorce for 2 years anyway unless I use "unreasonable behaviour." That would only get his back up though & end up costing a fortune in the long run. Just want to do it simply at the moment. I understand he would need to give me 20% of his salary maintenance from the CSA website. It seems very low, but he cant argue with that. If I did just leave with no money no job, would I automatically be entitled to housing benefit & any other benefits?

Speaking as a divorce solicitor myself, please please SEE A SOLICITOR now.

If you don't want to issue proceedings yet, you can still sort out your finances through either mediation or between solicitors, and either way end up with a legally binding separation deed to tide you over till you divorce in 2 years (btw, I realise you don't want to "get his back up" with a behaviour petition, but that may be the best thing for you, especially if he doesn't play ball on the finances.

As well as child mtce, you may well be entitled to spousal maintenance for yourself.

You can find a local family law specialist through www.resolution.org.uk

And DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. You wouldn't get housing benefit as they would consider that you're making yourself intentionally homeless.

Thanks mumblechum. At least I know where I stand now.
Doesnt sound particularly hopeful if I cant even leave the house. Theres no way on earth he would leave.
Doesnt look like a particularly happy time ahead. No change there then.

a solicitor could also advise you about an occupation order. this orders someone to leave a house even if it is in joint names (or even a single name). There have to be reasons justifying it.

The CSA payment calculation is for child maintenance. If an ex-wife can't earn because she is looking after children there could be payments ordered from ex-husband for her, at least for a while. This is different from child maintenance.

you may not have worked outside the home - but everything you have done in it bringing up the children counts as well. So sorry you're up against this - crap time of year for it - all the best

Thanks

Don't leave.
See a solicitor (or even two or three).
Worst case you get 175K + csa payments.
Best case you can get the house, with him paying.

But as others say DONT LEAVE the house.

Eh since unreasonable behaviour would get his back up, what does he want? Does he want a divorce?

mumblechum has already said it but i am a law student and sat in on an interview with my solicitor mentor the other day of a guy who was pretty much in your position (but obviously a man!) and i was really surprised at how much good advice the solicitor gave him ( and i want to BE a solicitor!) regarding all his options. Would really recommend doing that if at all possible. All the best to you in a really difficult situation.

Thanks for advice. Its all rather depressing really. I was hoping dh would pull his finger out & make an effort, but it seems thats never going to happen. Will try to keep my head together over the christmas period for the dc`s sake, then speak to a solicitor in the new year.
Its the last thing in the world I want to happen, but if he doesnt love me & isnt even prepared to try with Relate I dont see any other option.