SAHMs leaving partner what do you do?

[ILoveTracey]

Hi,

I'm a SAHM currently doing a course that finishes next year.

It's become very clear that my relationship with OH (not married) is untenable. We have two kids 3 and 6. We live in a privately rented house in London.

Sorry if it's a stupid question but how do we separate? I have no income to speak of. Youngest about to start 2.5 days of nursery a week but I know I couldn't afford to stay in London.

I have a small inheritance in my ISA so don't think I'd qualify for UC initially. It's honour bound to only be spent on a house deposit but needs must. It wouldn't even cover half a years rent near the school and I don't think a private landlord would take me anyway with no job.

I just don't know where to start. I feel very trapped and pretty foolish for allowing myself to get so trapped. Any advice gratefully received. TIA

I’m sorry for the situation you find yourself in OP, it must be a hard one to manage especially with young children.
You separate by either you both moving out of your rented accommodation into new accommodation or one of you staying in the shared place and taking on the rent individually, and the other one moving out. You also need to decide on how you will split time with the children. My limited understanding is that if you have joint custody then you would not receive child maintenance from your ex. If you take on the greater share of childcare then you can apply for child maintenance.
What course are you doing? I think you are likely to need to get a job and use your inheritance for a flat deposit. If you are at uni you may be able to get some financial support to continue your course, it’s worth enquiring at least.

Would it be possible for you to split but continuing to live together to share the property and rent? Alternatively, you may have to look at moving to somewhere cheaper in London or elsewhere. The benefit cap can price a lot of people out of being able to rent anything in London and especially if you wanted something half decent for the kids. This would have potentially implications on them seeing their dad though, unless he could also relocate somewhere outside of London too so he could be around.

If you could stay together for a bit longer, could you finish your course and get a job before you look to privately rent? Depending on how important your course is and the long-term prospects it will offer vs the cost of another years studying, it might be worth postponing or stopping altogether and just going back to work.

The good thing is that having that inheritance, you’ve got a decent deposit if you could source private rented. You just need an income to be able to afford the ongoing rent.