Power of Attorney- do you have it over your elderly parent's estate?

[miljee]

I unwittingly caused a furore at my mother's over the w/e when I suggested that as she was seeing her solicitor to amend her will (just making me an executor instead of her own brother- I was abroad at the time of the original will) she should consider giving me -or someone she chooses- legal P of A over her affairs SHOULD the need arise. Whoa! SHE'D decided when if at all she did that! And maybe in 10 or so years' time, if I DIDN'T mind (she's 74 and a heavy smoker...).

I'm trying to convince myself that the problem is she doesn't understand P of A at all- I think she thinks it means I can access her cash any time I like! We get on OK- she's leant on me quite heavily since my father's death 18 months ago, when I executed HIS will effectively (I wasn't actually an executor but I diligently handled all of his affairs to her benefit and satisfaction!) but she's always had this suspicious streak.

I'm actually quite pee'ed off about this. I mean, I just KNOW the whole shebang will end up in my lap 'come the day' and this is one thing she could do to ease it all along for me- or to whomsoever she gives P of A to! (My brother is a good bloke but financially profligate so not her best choice maybe?!). Or even should she suddenly find herself in hospital or whatever, with P of A I could sort out her bills etc.

I gather it costs a lot of money to register a P of A- Is this the case? Or will it cost us a whole lot more and way more hassle if I have to get a P of A over her financial affairs in the midst of the emergency that precipitates it?

And PLEASE no posters expressing shock that I should even THINK my mother isn't immortal and thus find 'future planning' vulgar. Once YOU'VE been through the loss of a parent you'll see it all in a very different light!

I think dicsussing wills is just quite a touchy subject for some parents; they don't actually yet want to accept that they will a) die or b) that something may happen to impair them later. I think you're being wise to raise the issue but I don't think there's a lot more you can do.

dh has p of a for his mother as she is abroad a lot and we sometimes have to deal with bills etc. It didn't cost much to set up then but I think that they have recently changed the rules as too many people were sending their aged rels off to an old peoples home and selling their houses without telling them.

Not that I am suggesting that you are planning anything of the sort

My grandparents have recently sorted this and given my mum and her brother P O A for them should the need arrise

as far as i know it wasnt especially expensive and even though they are both fit and healthy and fingers crossed have years and years of healthy life ahead of them they just thought it was sensible to sort NOW... while there is 'no stress / major disaster' and everyone IS fit and healthy etc

you are quite right... if it did suddenly need to be in place and wasnt it would be very stressful for all concerned at what is already by definition a highly stressful time

I'm just sorting that now for my father who is rather ill in Jamaica. So I have no illusions about the process and will be interested to see how you get on.

My mother has PofA over my grandmother's accounts and so on. Was put in place before she had dementia, thank goodness. Didn't cost much, and boy has it helped (though even with it, there is a hell of a lot of hoop jumping involved to convince banks and people that the order is in place).

Definitely something that EVERYONE should do, before it is needed (because when it is needed, it can be a hugely protracted affair getting PofA in place without "informed consent".

my 2 siblings and I have equal poa for my parents not sure of costs though

my 2 siblings and I have equal poa for my parents not sure of costs though

Not only do my (not elderly) parents have PoAs, but we do too! Just because you're young, doesn't mean that you can't be in a car crash and end up in a coma for a couple of months. I think that they're as vital as wills TBH.
Could you reassure her that it doesn't mean that you could take over her finances whenever you want? My grandfather ended up with dementia and it still took a lot to convince the solicitor to enact the PoA (doctor's letters, reports from social workers etc etc). Maybe her solicitor could let her know that the solicitor acts in the interests of the client, not the attorney. Maybe a professional and impartial opinion would carry more weight.
PS realise this may not help though, we have stubborn elderly people in the family who couldn't be moved by a charging rhino, you have my sympathy.

My brother and I have POA over our mum's estate at her suggestion - we sneaked in before the rule change so it wasn't expensive, her argument is the she goes away a lot and if she were ill abroad we would need to pay bills, sort money out etc if she couldn't, the only thong i insisted on was that there had to br signatures from both of us to action it - I trust my brother,but IMO it should be something we do together. I'm also executor of her will

My parents have POA over my gran's estate. they sorted it out several years ago when mu beloved grandad was still alive and my gran had a diagnosis of early dementia. It has been invaluable.

Thanks, everyone who's posted. I believe that what might happen is that some time further down the track, mother may make some tentative enquiries herself- perhaps even asking a friend or two about it- and most likely finding they've already sorted it- THEN suddenly I'll find she thinks it's a good idea and wants to proceed. She'll need to believe it was HER idea. An annoying aspect of this is that she mentioned on the w/e that her brother's wife and a sibling are trying to get P of A over her mother's estate because her mother has rip-roaring dementia and needs the level of care they just can't finance themselves. Mother says they're having the devil's own job- so WHY WON'T SHE SPARE US THE (possible) AGGRO by doing it now herself? I pointed out the attorney would be her informed choice and even perhaps pushed my luck by suggesting that in the absence of a P of A my cash strapped brother who has always felt a bit of a sense of entitlement might well be seeking the cheapest, wee-soaked nursing home available for her should the need arise, fearing for his inheritance unless someone responsible is controlling the cash flow.....

Sadly, I can't approach the issue again in the foreseeable future, we'll just have to keep our fingers crossed that nothing bad happens, but at least I'll have the cold comfort of knowing I tried to sort it!

I have POA over my parents estate. I don't remember exactly how much it cost to register, but it was a very small sum.

My father asked me to do it when he retired because he was worrying about his mortality and has and a few health scares. And he wanted it to be me rather than my feckless brother who dealt with things.

(think I've got this right
They can set up what is called enduring power of attorney. This means you don't have any power over their estate NOW, but can activate it fairly straightforwardly if and when it does become necessary. Simpler and cheaper to do it this way than to wait until they are incapable then set it up.