MATERNITY LEAVE & finances

[ShimmyYay]

Hi all

Just a general question to get an idea of what is “normal” practice… when on maternity leave would you expect your DP|DH to cover mortgage and bills when you have no income bar for the SMP coming in?

Just trying to get a consensus here.

The positive pregnancy test might have been a clue things might have to change

You’d think so but I’m always astonished at how many think babies cost nothing, maternity pay and childcare costs seem to come as a huge shock etc.

Once babies arrive, anything other than a family pot is almost always deeply unfair on the mother.

I’m the higher earner so it would be ridiculous to expect DH to cover everything. I have higher savings and normal income than him so I’m using the savings. It’s not deeply unfair on the mother if the mother is the higher earner!

Agree with PP that the man can't always cover it if he doesn't earn enough to cover the whole expenditure. Surely early discussions and equal saving will mean these "issues" can be ironed out in advance

Are you still the higher earner while you're on maternity leave though? I didn't say that the father should cover everything, rather that everything should go in one pot. Just because you're the higher earner why should you cover more when the baby is half his?

Early discussion is the key.
My DH couldn't afford to cover all the bills on his own unless we lived off beans so we did a saving plan to cover my shortfall contribution which we both put into so that their was alway enough. It was a combo of savings, Christmas money (and got small gifts) and cutting back

@Dyrne I was shocked that he was shocked , I had told him exactly how the maternity would play out in terms of which months I could contribute my usual amount and which months I couldn’t. I also bought most of the baby items including pram , cot , clothes and told him I wasn’t expecting any money from him as he needed to save for maternity. Somehow he obviously compelled missed the memo , honestly unsure what to say because he’s very intelligent and we’ve had this discussion on a number of occasions. Today he was shocked and said he didn’t understand. So I have come on here to check that I wasn’t missing something 👀

@ShimmyYay sounds like you need to have a conversation about how you manage your finances as a family. Individually paying for bits and bobs can work out; but it sounds like you need to do something different to ensure you’re both contributing fairly.

Maybe once you’re back earning again suggest opening a joint account for “family costs” (such as baby clothes, nappies etc) and discuss the fairest way of tipping that up; whether that’s you each put £X a month in, or a % of your wage, or whatever works.

In the short term, point out that if he had an issue covering the shortfall at the end of your maternity leave, he had plenty of time to say so; but as it is it’s too late to organise any childcare to enable you to get back to work earlier so you’re stuck. (Maybe with a healthy dose of “you do realise childcare is £1000/month?!?”)

was never even a discussion as all finances were joint so it came from the joint account

I don’t know women don’t expect more! It’s just so depressing

Clearly a miscommunication somewhere along the line and fair play that you are covering all bar 2 months. however generally I think maternity pay needs to go into the pot plus child benefit so that it's not just your spending money for the month. Yes both needs to make sacrifices financially and if that can't be done then you go back to work after enhanced pay ends - taking SMP for a full year isn't compulsory and childcare costs are split

Everything is considered to be joint here, so on both my maternity leaves our whole family has taken the hit, not just me. We’ve been lucky in that I have a decent maternity package and we can cover the majority of bills on one salary.

I naively assumed this is how everyone approached things once children are in the picture.

IMHO if you are jointly having a child you should be jointly sharing finances

Have you saved up for maternity or have you both?

I’m confused about why he’s shocked. Did he think you got 100% pay or did he think you were solely sucking up, the effects of you taking maternity leave to care for your joint child?!

All our money besides a small, equal, amount that we each keep aside for gifts etc goes into our joint account and all expenses come out of that, including money into our joint savings account which has enough in it to cover the shortfall between my normal pay and my maternity pay for the duration of my leave. My DH considers everything that is his to be mine, if anything I am the one who is a bit more funny with money but I do consider anything that’s mine to be his as well.

My DH couldn’t cover my share as I was the main earner by a huge amount. My share of the bills was three times his salary!
We used all our savings to cover the difference. It was well over £20k and we will be poor for a very long time. No luxuries for either of us until nursery costs reduce.
Worth it though!

It takes two to make a baby. To me, it seems only right and fair that both parents have access to money, whoever is earning it. If you don't currently pool your incomes, now is the time.
Caring for your baby is still a full time job!
Ask him - if the roles were switched - would he be happy to be on parental leave, care full time, be skint, all while you comfortably kept your earnings.

He sounds like he’s a bit of an arse. Why did you buy the pram etc and everything baby?

Our finances were joint before, there was no his mortgage payment and my mortgage payment there was just the mortgage payment.

When SMP stated I put less in the joint account and he put more in.

Now I’m on mat leave almost everything I buy comes out of the joint account, anything for baby, baby classes/activities but also clothes for me. It’s because of pregnancy that I need a few new clothes/nursing bras so that’s a joint expense too.