Please help me work through this

[Jananx76]

Hi.

I really need some help to get my head around this as I am massively struggling to cope.

I sort all of our finances and over the years we have built up debt. A lot of debt. I can't bring myself to type the exact figure but it's inbetween 40 and 50K. Most of the debt was build up years ago and for the last few years I have been making an effort to get on top of it.

Husband knows we are in debt but doesn't know the extent of it. I'll be honest that part of me has been happy to hide it to avoid the stressed out discussions and potential arguments. All of the debt has been acquired through family stuff and there are no hidden gambling habits, or anything like that. We both work full time and have a vgood income so we are up to date with payments etc.

We have had a very expensive 6 months. I won't go into specifics for fear of being identified but we have had a lot on. For this reason I have not been able to overpay in the way that I was previously and I have had to use the credit card. As a result our debt has actually increased a bit.

Things are settled now and I can get back on track, however I feel sick, gulilty and worried that husband might find out. It's weird as he knows we have a lot of debt. I talk about it and he knows it bothers me, we just don't mention the numbers.

I'm sitting here now, alone ( everyone else in bed) worrying and feeling sick, going over the budget again and again. I move the debt around for the best deals across both of our names. I am terrified that he may check his credit report and see how much there is.

I feel like I have been a terrible wife and have deceived my husband, but then another part of me thinks that I shouldn't have to shoulder all of the blame and responsibility.

Part of me wants to sit him down and show him everything but another part of me knows that it will just lead to a different stress. I know that we can pay the debt off and I have a plan to get it down to a much more 'normal' level within 3 years, however I feel awful tonight and as though I am going to breakdown

Please help with advice. :)

So if everything is paid for and 2k left you will have this debt paid off in 2years maximum? If that is not possible, perhaps "everything" is not covered - ask yourself what perhaps? You need to be straight with yourself to address this.

On a similar vein it seems that you are feeling guilty about the debt which is why you don't want to tell your husband. What was it that caused it? Is he more of a saver than you? If they were joint purchases did you lead on the decision.

I tend to be like this and my DH would spend nothing if it wasn't by me. The having to tell him helps me to keep myself under control. I see that to be a good thing.

My monthly pay is less than your "left over figure". You should be able to tackle the debt quickly. Just stop buying things on credit. Only spend money you have, not money you can borrow.

Debt repayments are MINIMUM figures designed to make the company money. Never, ever just pay the minimum!

Your OP suggests the debt has been growing over time, not reducing?

Unless it used to be 60 or 70 or 80k and you’ve got it down to 40k?

If so then I think you are being a little naive. You haven’t been “managing the finances” at all - you’ve been letting the debt grow and grow. As per a PP, you need to throw every spare penny at it to get it down!

Sometimes it's a salutary lesson to live like paupers for a month or two, just to give you an idea of how much of your spending is discretionary.

Buy nothing that isn't essential, when shopping, ask yourself if you can do without every single thing you consider buying, and if you need it now, or can defer it. Take a packed lunch to work, don't buy any clothes, or have meals out etc. You'll soon see how much of what you spend is on luxuries.

What you save can go on reducing your debt. And you may find that you don't actually miss a lot of those things all that much.