Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Unsure whether to go on mortgage

18 replies

Peonies157 · 16/06/2021 14:23

Been with partner for 2yrs, lived together 10mo and things are good and stable. He is very keen to share life 100% and would put me on the mortgage in a heartbeat. He has a good job, earns more than me, so apart from saving a few quid each month which wont make THAT much of a difference to him, I dont think theres an ulterior motive.

I was financially abused for a decade and left absolutely destitute - nothing but my old car to my name - by my ex husband 3yrs ago. I'm VERY wary of this commitment therefore! It's not that i distrust new partner, I just realise I sleepwalked into that financial situation and no wish to do it again.

Nowadays I have a decent job, largely back on track, and if we clubbed together, overpaid the mortgage and interest rates stay sensible we could comfortably be mortgage free by 50. If i DON'T go on the mortgage, I'm not really sure what the savviest alternative is. I do live here almost free (i pay bills and food) and for various reasons its not sensible to move for a while so my money will be piling up, but i know cash savings arent worth much interest and will devalue, while the house is accruing equity...

Sorry to be so mercenary but its due to my history, and need to see might daughter right. We had a close call; i'd be less concerned if it was only my future to think of - anything can go wrong in a relationship.

Interested in any thoughts!

OP posts:
HandlebarLadyTash · 16/06/2021 14:52
  1. go on mortgage
2 buy own affordable property- this will cause issues in terms of buy to let mortgage/ tenants all the headaches of being a landlord 3 invest in stockmarket / pension

Personally I would avoid becoming a landlord.
Do you like his property? is it going to increase in value? Do you see the relationship being long term? If yes then I would go on the mortgage

Original poster
Peonies157 · 16/06/2021 15:00

I'm not keen on being a landlord :/

His property is OK, its not what I'd pick but i'd be daft to complain too hard - we have what we need, if we moved again itd be to that dream home in the country.

I do see it as long term, but no children.

Pension is definitely high on the list as i had nothing until recently, but i do want to balance things a bit as i might not live til then! Mortgage free also helps with that i suppose as whatever i've built up wont need to go on rent/mortgage.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peonies157 · 16/06/2021 15:01

Forgot to say - i think it will increase in value, but not masses

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 16/06/2021 15:03

Living together ten months after a financially abusive relationship, I'd be looking to do my own thing. Can you buy on your own?

Original poster
Peonies157 · 16/06/2021 15:09

Soon probably i could buy in my own right but i dont want to buy to let, i'm a bit busy for dealing with troublesome tenants and dont honestly believe the margin is there anymore.

Split from ex husband over 3years ago now actually, im happy to have moved on and be living with new partner i dont feel i've rushed things really, i was single/rebounding for 16mo and been with new partner 2yrs so i dont feel a need to move back out again!

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 16/06/2021 15:52

Is he all up to date with the mortgage? The only reason I ask is because it's highly unusual for someone to offer to put someone else on their mortgage. Especially when they already live there and pay the bills.

Singlenotsingle · 16/06/2021 15:55

It's not the mortgage that's important. That just gives you liability to pay it. Get your name on the deeds!

Tohaveandtohold · 16/06/2021 15:56

I’m surprised as to why on earth he will want you to be on the mortgage. I’ll want to check that he’s up to date with the payment, there’s nothing sinister ongoing.
You’ve lived together for less than a year and he has nothing to gain from it but more to lose should the relationship end.

XiXiXi · 16/06/2021 15:58

I'd hang fire for a bit. Two years is nothing really, and ten months is barely a heartbeat.
There's no rush. If you're earning well at the moment you need to build up your own savings first.

MinesAPintOfTea · 16/06/2021 16:01

Given the timings, was the moving in related to lockdowns? If so then doubly worth leaving it until we’re back to normal life a bit

VanGoghsDog · 16/06/2021 16:12

@Singlenotsingle

It's not the mortgage that's important. That just gives you liability to pay it. Get your name on the deeds!
That's the key, people do seem to muddle the two up. A mortgage is just a debt, why would you want to become liable for a debt? It doesn't give you any ownership of the property so it's just a massive liability.
Original poster
Peonies157 · 16/06/2021 19:15

I mean the deeds yes, that was the mistake i made first time round!!

He's just set a new rate today so pretty certain he's up to date! Theres no reason he wouldnt be - sensible, steady chap, no gambling habit or expensive hobbies and a good wage.

I think he's just keen to share! I think i'm the first, really, really serious relationship he's had. He's had longer ones but they dont sound as serious, he never lived with them. I also think he trusts me enough, he'd run a mile from anyone financially silly. Think this is his way of showing trust and love and i appreciate it and im sorry to shit on it but im still finding it hard to trust, i cant fuck up again Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Peonies157 · 16/06/2021 19:16

No moving in was more about my divorce, i was all set to rent a place once things were sorted with my ex but then it seemed silly to be running two homes when we'd be spending all our time with each other anyway

OP posts:
Whyareblokesonhere · 17/06/2021 20:06

So do you need to work out the worst case scenarios? You go on mortgage and deeds and he becomes abusive or lazy (knowing you would pick up the tab) and you need to get out, what penalties would there be

Would it be sensible to save up X amount that on worse case scenario you could access quickly and rent somewhere for say six months, nothing fancy but just so you could if you needed to, say that is £10k that you put into premium bonds

Then what would the plan be with any equity in the event of a split, if the house had to be sold how would the legal fees etc be split - how much would they likely be, do you also need to save that amount and then either add it to the mortgage (so it could come out of equity) or again have that on standby etc

In many ways his reaction to these conversations will also tell you a lot, not romantic but would be very sensible to go through every scenario and plan accordingly

HeddaGarbled · 17/06/2021 20:13

I’d wait another year, and then if all still good, get married and combine finances at the same time.

Original poster
Peonies157 · 17/06/2021 22:54

Gosh. I really dont want to get married again Confused this escalated quickly!

I discovered there is an option to pay a lump sum at the end of this term in 5yrs, so the plan is i save until then and if we are still together then, i will pay in (and get my name on the deeds!). I feel a lot better about this option!

OP posts:
Dashel · 18/06/2021 08:53

Personally if you don’t love the house, I would save money and possibly in a few years look to buy a new home together. It does feel very early days to be joining financially together and it might be nice if you were buying a house together from new so it felt more like a joint home

Thisisus909 · 18/06/2021 08:57

@Singlenotsingle

It's not the mortgage that's important. That just gives you liability to pay it. Get your name on the deeds!
Yes a lot more straightforward if you are registered with land registry (it doesn’t need to be an equal share)
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread