Will help

[JustHurt]

My husband owns property to the value of about 2mil.
We have 10k in savings and a nice little amount after bills for disposal income. I say we... it’s he! I get a small ‘housekeeping wage’ as a stay at home mum to our young children.

We have an appointment next week to sort out a will.
He/we are really not good at talking about money and he still 10 years into our marriage see’s everything as his. Well it is, everything is tied up in his business of which I am no legal part of.
What can I reasonably expect to put forward to add to a will? How much say can I actually have as to what goes in it? Can I say I expect to be looked after as loose conversations have mentioned that everything will bypass me and go straight to our children... just as his parents did.

I think it's really awful when everything bypasses a spouse and goes to the children.

You are a legal partnership. You shouldn't feel that he's rich and you are poor.

In a way you'd be better off divorcing and getting your share that way, then leaving it to your children in your will. At least then they couldn't get it until you died.

I think this is conversation you need to have with DH before seeing the solicitor/will writer. The solicitor will not tell either of you want to do but will take your instructions on what you each want to happen and translate that into a Will. If you do not know what you want and have not had a conversation beforehand it will be a bit of an unproductive appointment.

What I would say is have a look at inheritance tax rules. This will be a good entry point for a conversation with your DH as any money he passes to you in his Will is free of inheritance tax. If he dies first and passes everything to you children this is not tax efficient. Look into the basics and talk to him.

How long have you been married? Did he acquire the money while you were married or before?

He inherited the money/property whilst we were together but not yet married.

I realise we need to sit and have a good chat before the appointment
What I suppose I am asking is what is it reasonable for me to put forward to my husband. What is the norm in this sort of situation?

It would be reasonable for him to ensure that you are provided for in the years following his death without a decrease in your standard of living. It may be that this could be achieved with some over for him to bequeath to the children. Equally, he could leave everything to you and trust you to eventually leave it to the children.

There's a way of creating a trust for your lifetime that would mean, for example, that you kept the family home but when you die ownership reverts to the children. (That way, if you were to re-marry, your new husband wouldn't reap the benefit of this husband's assets.) The solicitor will be able to give you a better explanation than I can!

I notice you're talking about a will - it would make sense for you to be making one too.

I literally have nothing to put in a will. Even the car I drive is in his name. I’m quite ashamed to say that. I fell in love young and have lived off my husband since originally working for his business but now just caring for our children.
Day to day my life is blissful but I do have this black cloud of what my future could look like.

Do you truly believe he loves you? If he does, surely he will understand your worries?

It feels like I’m walking a tightrope trying to discuss money and finances.
I totally get what your saying it saddens me to think that if our love was judged upon finances communication we’d have divorced a long time ago.
Good job we are amazing I’m so many other ways but we are definitely not good or equal in this department.

Ask him to take out a life insurance policy for himself that would go to you if he isn't going to name you as beneficiary in his will.

I have to say I took a sharp intake of breath when I read your OP, but I think you know that your situation isn't what a lot of women would accept in this day and age.

I'm sorry but I agree with others, you would be far better off getting a divorce.

The minimum I would expect from the will is lifetime use of the house and some sort of monthly income (pension?)

Your wills would usually be ‘mirror wills’, i.e. they are the same.
Typically, all your estate will go to him, and all his goes to you, depending who goes first. Then to the children after the death of the second spouse.

It doesn’t matter if your estates are (vastly) different sizes, I would still proceed in this way.

If you have an appointment with the solicitor, you could just wait until then to discuss, they will guide the conversation for you and ask all the Qs that need to be asked.

Amazing as a couple yet you're so inferior to him. Fucks sake love get some standards.

What's normal is that you have equal access to the FAMILY money. Equal say in how it is spent. And assets in joint names. And you to inherit. How do you think you'd manage if he was hit by a bus tomorrow and it all went to the kids? How would you pay the tax bill? How would you feed them? Pay the mortgage? House them? When you make a will you have to do it with the thought that he'll die tomorrow. Not when the kids are adults and no longer need housing.

Thank you all
Those suggesting I divorce purely based in financial reasons I should add... all money is tied up in property and the business all of which has been passed down 5 generations. If I was to divorce and split that all up I would be doing my children out of that same privilege.
I am most happy with my idyllic lifestyle and have no intentions of divorce I am simply asking what would be reasonable for me to push for with regards to the will so I feel I can go into this appointment confident that my suggestions (demands) are reasonable.

..... not to mention I would consider myself happily married.

Fair enough, but sometimes by looking at what you would get if you divorced you can see a better picture of how you should be treated now.

If you are happily married then your DH should be happy to listen to your concerns.

One option is an Income in Possession Trust - it can be set up so that you have the rights to income from the estate as long as you are alive but you are not the trustee and can't decide what happens to the money when you die. That way he could be confident that the money is being passed to his kids but you will not have to worry about money.

FWIW, I agree with other PPs that it's pretty outrageous that you live on such a basic income while your DH is loaded. But appreciate that's not what you asked.

You need to start from the principles in titchy’s post.

If he died tomorrow, what would happen?

As he is sole earner, is there hefty life insurance so that you have easily accessible money to survive?

Who would run the business so that your children could ultimately inherit it? If all the property is tied up in it (like a farm, say), how would the wages be paid etc.

Further on from that, when the children have left home or potentially inherit the business and its assets including your house, where will you live? And how will you survive without your own income?

Do you have a pension being paid into?

All these things need to be considered as if he could die tomorrow, but with a long-term eye to the future.

And yes, you need a will too, even if it feels like you have no assets.

In general though you need a longer-term plan around your own financial independence as being totally reliant on one wage earner who you feel you can’t easily discuss money with is not wise. Do you have plans to work outside the family business? If you’re not a part owner I’d be unwilling to put all my time into it.

Life insurance!!