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Original poster

Benefits help & leaving a controlling relationship

19 replies

benefitshelppls21 · 21/05/2021 22:41

I've recently realised that I am in a controlling relationship and I am trying to find a way to leave but when I leave him I will also lose my job and income as I worked in his family's business

We have no DC. When I look at what benefits I would be entitled to on the entitledto website, I would get £114 per week, and the absolute bare minimum I could get my bills to per month is around £1100. That includes my mortgage of £450 per month, that's assuming I could keep our house and he would move into a second property that we own and were going to rent out (similar equity and mortgage payments). We don't have any significant savings - about £2k between us and in our area I can't really buy much else or rent for cheaper that my mortgage payment now.

I feel like I'm stuck and won't be able to leave him. Working for his family has created a lot of trauma for me, without going into details it's been a nightmare and my self esteem and self confidence is rock bottom. This might sound awful but I hoped I would be able to have a couple of months before I started looking for work again, I feel literally sick at the thought of having to get a "real" job where I work with other people again because I have been told I am so useless and pathetic for so long. I'm trying to unlearn that I might not be, but it's so fucking hard.

Even if I start looking straight away, I don't know how quickly I will get something, and we used our mortgage holiday period during lockdown.

It's all such a mess and I feel even more trapped now, please does anyone know what can I do?

OP posts:

osbertthesyrianhamster · 21/05/2021 22:43

I'd try to get a job first. You won't get help on UC towards a mortgage and there's no guarantee he'll agree to move out.

Original poster

benefitshelppls21 · 21/05/2021 22:45

@osbertthesyrianhamster I can't. I can't have time off to go to interviews.

OP posts:

Apileofballyhoo · 21/05/2021 22:50

Have you got any family you can move in with? Until you get a job?

ladygindiva · 21/05/2021 22:52

Sounds to me like you might be best off using the savings as a deposit to secure a rented property and leaving as you would get a rent payment allowance on top of your benefits if you are unemployed. And then hope to receive your share of the properties later on when hopefully you have found other work. Best of luck xx

ladygindiva · 21/05/2021 22:55

I should add that maybe if you own property in your name this would affect your entitlement, why not speak to someone about this? I'm not sure where you can enquire but I'm sure there must be somewhere.

nimbuscloud · 21/05/2021 23:00

Hopefully you have family who will help you.
Or friends.

Original poster

benefitshelppls21 · 21/05/2021 23:09

I'm really stuck. I don't have any friends, and barely any family. Even if I did move in with my Mum, I would still be liable for the mortgage payment though?

It seems so unfair, I've worked since I was 13 (although that was a paper round and not paying tax to be fair), I've tried to be sensible with my money, the UK is supposed to have such a good benefits system, and I am just utterly screwed.

I was looking at rental properties, I could only get a studio or 1 bed for £450 a month, and I probably wouldn't be able to take my dog and he is the only good thing in my life. If I sold my property, and then tried to buy again I would lose so much in solicitors fees and estate agent fees and stamp duty that I don't know if I would have enough for a deposit left over. It's such a mess, an absolute fucking mess. I know it's my fault for getting into this situation. I so wish i could turn back time to the day I met DH and do things completely differently.

OP posts:

nimbuscloud · 21/05/2021 23:10

Can you get a loan ?

Original poster

benefitshelppls21 · 21/05/2021 23:12

I'm so sorry for being so negative. I think I'm panicking a bit. I just have no idea what to do or where to go. I've never claimed benefits before and I don't have anyone in real life I can ask.

OP posts:

nimbuscloud · 21/05/2021 23:13

Contact Citizens Advice. They should be able to assist.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 21/05/2021 23:13

How about going to a refuge?

ivykaty44 · 21/05/2021 23:15

Is the second property empty? Could you move into that house now?

JanFebAnyMonth · 21/05/2021 23:16

Go to GP and get yr mental health assessed. You might be signed off sick/could possibly claim ESA?

You can benefits advice from the CAB and a few other organisations.

There will be a way.

JanFebAnyMonth · 21/05/2021 23:17

If you ring Women’s Aid they will talk you through the options and help you see that you are not to blame.

Babyroobs · 21/05/2021 23:50

@benefitshelppls21

I'm really stuck. I don't have any friends, and barely any family. Even if I did move in with my Mum, I would still be liable for the mortgage payment though?

If you rent somewhere I think you would get help with rent as long as your property was on the market. However you would not then be entitled to Uc once your property sold assuming you had more than 16k savings. To be honest in many parts of the country houses are selling quickly and above asking price - my friend has just had 3 offers within days of it going on the market. I would stay with your mum, sell the house quickly hoping for a quick sale then get a rental once you have found another job.

Babyroobs · 21/05/2021 23:52

@JanFebAnyMonth

Go to GP and get yr mental health assessed. You might be signed off sick/could possibly claim ESA?

You can benefits advice from the CAB and a few other organisations.

There will be a way.

ESA would be the same amount as UC, likely less until you've been assessed and even then it may be hard to be awarded limited capability for work and work related activity which is the only way to secure more in benefits. people are taking a year to get assessed in some cases at the moment as there is a big backlog in some areas.

Zofloramummy · 21/05/2021 23:59

If you have savings of over 16k which are proven to be the proceeds of a sale from a relationship breakdown you are still entitled to receive UC for up to 6 months. It is assumed that the money is to be used to finance a purchase of another property and therefore won’t affect your claim

Year0fThePie · 22/05/2021 21:19

Start applying for jobs now
Get CV updated

LakieLady · 25/05/2021 21:10

@ladygindiva

The OP would only get help with a rented property if she was trying to sell the house she's in at present. And then it might only be disregarded for 6 months (DWP have the discretion to extend if you can satisfy them that you're really trying to sell it).

The empty property would count as capital, and unless it's worth a tiny amount (under £16k), the capital would preclude her from being entitled to any means tested benefits.

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