Prenup??

[monkehsee]

Not sure if this is the right board but wanting opinions on pre- nups?
Yes/no? Experiences of yes or no welcome.
I have a lump sum of money to put into our mortgage and will be the higher earner, both have children from previous relationships and I would like that lump sum to be secure for my children's future. He is terrible with money ( self confessed) and has debt to pay before he will be able to contribute financially to the 'family pot' so to speak.
I'm thinking of some sort of 'in trust' agreement or pre nip but not sure how it would work or if infact that is setting us up to fail before we have even started???

In your circumstances, I'd protect my wealth my children's inheritance by not marrying him.

Yes 100% have a prenup in place.
You can’t risk inheritance for your child from your own money!

I thought pre nup were not legally bounding in the uk?

Either way your best option for protecting yourself is not to marry.

Don't marry him. Just don't. What do you gain from it?

I want to be married before we move in together and buy a home and potentially have a child together.

@rainbowthoughts

I thought pre nup were not legally bounding in the uk?

Either way your best option for protecting yourself is not to marry.

I'm in Scotland where they are legally binding

I am also in Scotland and didn't realise that! Sorry.

Why do you want to be married? Usually marriage offers a certain level of protection, but in this case it seems you will lose, not gain.

@rainbowthoughts

I am also in Scotland and didn't realise that! Sorry.

Why do you want to be married? Usually marriage offers a certain level of protection, but in this case it seems you will lose, not gain.

I guess I wanted security for the kids in one respect, that promise to each other in front of our friends and family and I do have a respect for the sanctity of marriage

I would not marry someone who was useless with money and in debt, that is a stone around your neck. Its more than just the deposit what about all the payments and bills you will be covering while he 'pays off his debt'. My experience with people who use that as an excuse not to contribute fairly, is that its a real cushy number they mysteriously never manage to resolve. If you do value your children inheritance, then don't marry until the debts are paid off. Nothing wrong with a long engagement. And if the debts are never paid off, then you've had fair warning of what's to come.

Agree with WelliWash, don't marry him until the debt is paid off. Also if he is "terrible with money" and you have a child together you could every well end up funding him in perpetuity if you spilt up. He becomes the resident parent prenup or no prenup
To be honest in these circumstances you would be INSANE to marry him. I'm sure he is lovely as you are funding his lifestyle but that will get old soon enough.

I think you’d be quite mad to marry him, pre nup or not. You’re putting yourself at massive risk here!

Also if you want security for the kids this is a sure fire way to put that financial security under threat
Prenups are not always legally binding, no matter where you are. They have to be seen as "fair" so I would think that even if you have one, should you spilt up and he goes for the money (which he will, they always do) you will lose a fair chuck of your children's inheritance

He is bringing literally nothing to the table, apart from debt.

I had a Property Adjustment Order drawn up to protect the money I had put into our home. So it was clear that I owned a higher percentage of the house. I was also the higher earner.

With so many marriages failing, it is sensible to put protections in place.

I also would never have a joint account with anyone, or any arrangement where you can be "jointly and severally liable" for any debts.

Protect your own financial security. Nobody else will do it for you.

(And I think you'd be crazy to marry somebody who you know is a nightmare with money.)

I think you're looking at this through rose tinted glasses. As a teacher, I have seen a massive shift in children whose parents are not married, and believe me, it makes not one jot of difference to them. What security do you think marriage will bring to the children? The security that if you do split up and you’ve not pretended your finances he can screw you for half on your money?

In England, you can buy a house as tenants in common and specify what % of the property each person owns. So, if you're paying a 25% deposit yourself then splitting the mortgage payments 50.50, you can allocate 75% of the property to you and 25% to him. But if you don't think he can even afford to pay the mortgage at all, then have a bigger % yourself.
You also need a watertight will. Here’s some info. www.gibsonkerr.co.uk/wills/5-things-to-consider-when-making-a-will-in-scotland/

Pre nup link www.thorntons-law.co.uk/for-you/thorntons-family-law-divorce-solicitors/prenuptial-agreements-in-scotland

I have a will and currently the money from my life insurance and estate is in trust with my mother as executor of the will should anything happen to me.
Maybe some sort of non- legal type commitment ceremony would be better so we can still make a commitment to each other but it's not contractual and I can draw up something to protect my children's interests also???
I still would like to have a nice commitment ceremony to celebrate our commitment to each other and our blended family. It means a lot to the kids that we get married but they wouldn't need to know the logistics of it. A hand fasting or celebrant type thing.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/adventureinstead.com/what-is-a-commitment-ceremony/
This type of thing?? Then I'm protected from his debt and we will still have made a public commitment for the kids

Pay to see a lawyer. It'll be the best few hundred you've ever spent.

@Weirdlynormal

Pay to see a lawyer. It'll be the best few hundred you've ever spent.

I am seriously considering it.