DPs house and shared finances

[TheFatDuck]

I need some advice on what to do about my DP’s mortgage and how we share our finances.

DP and I have been together around 5 years. We have plans to marry and have DC etc.

Before we got together, DP bought a house with a sizeable deposit. When I moved in around 4 years ago, I was earning significantly less than DP. At that time, it was decided that we would pay equal proportions from our respective salaries to cover the mortgage and bills. It was decided DP would remain on the mortgage and I would not be added. As my proportion was so minimal, I was happy with this.

At that time, I said to DP that should I start paying significantly more towards the mortgage (say 50% plus if my salary were to increase) I would want something to show for it if we were to split up. I was concerned that should I pay 50% of the mortgage for a substantial period and we were to break up, I would have nothing to show for the money I put in and that I would essentially be paying off DPs mortgage. This did not go down well with DP at the time.

DP and I are now earning near enough identical salaries and I am wondering what is now fair in terms of finances and what we pay. I am of course happy to split bills 50:50 but would be uncomfortable splitting the mortgage 50:50 as I would not want us to break up and for me to end up with nothing.

I proposed that DPs deposit and mortgage contributions up to now could be ‘ring fenced’ some how with the remainder of the mortgage being split between us with me being put on the mortgage (although I am not sure how this would work in practice). DP thinks that I shouldn’t get the benefit of this however as I did not put in any money for a deposit in the first place so does not want to do this. I think DP thinks I am being a bit grabby. Am I?

Am I being unreasonable in wanting some sort of protection for myself? What is the fairest thing to do here for both parties?

Ultimately I am happy to pay some sort of ‘rent’ to DP if it is nominal but don’t want to pay a huge chunk (which DP would put towards the mortgage) if I end up with nothing if we break up.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and can offer any advice?

Thank you

Hmm, that’s tricky. I’m in a similar situation in a way but I do have a property I own but don’t live in. The plan is for us both to buy somewhere in the next eighteen months or so, selling both properties.

Would he consider moving? Personally I’d want to live somewhere I’ve chosen and have decorated myself, etc!

When you moved in you should have paid reasonable rent and a share of the bills, not his mortgage. If you are planning on getting married, do that as soon as possible and the the house put into both names.

Until you marry, I would split all the other bills 50/50. He continues to pay his own mortgage and you save the equivalent amount after a to,ne rent payment as such to him. Then if you marry, you can pay a lump sum off the mortgage and if you split you have the means to get your own housing. You’d have had to pay your own rent anyway without him so would have had sucked costs anyway.

I’d not advise my children to let a bf/gf take a share of a home they owned in their sole name predating them.

I wouldn't marry someone who didn't want to do what you had suggested. you aren't being grabby - you have talked about ringfencing his share of deposit and payments made. This is fair - and can be achieved by owning a certain percentage of your house.

What does he expect you to do? Pay 50% of his mortgage for him and end up with nothing if you split in 5 years time?

Before we married I paid the rental equivalent into a bank account.

Once married some went on holidays and the rest went to a buy to let deposit (we'd been lucky enough to add to it).

Yes it's unfair for you to have a share in what he's managed so far. However, it's also unfair for you not to be building assets in your name.

He sounds like the grabby one, wants you to stump up 50% of his mortgage and bills on a house you have no stake in, presumably you don't even have your own room in it. Id work out what it would cost you to live elsewhere if you moved out and not pay any more than that, your arrangement should not be benefitting him to your detriment.

You aren't being be grabby as you've suggested ring fencing DP's prior contributions.

If DP doesn't like your suggestion, what is his alternative? Surely he can see that you paying 50% of the mortgage and having no claim on the house at all isn't fair?

If he doesn't want to put you on the mortgage, then the fair solution is that you pay 50% of bills and a small contribution to the mortgage in lieu of rent.