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NC with narc sibling - anyone able to help me know where I stand?

3 replies

buttercupyellow4 · 09/04/2021 18:56

I've long wanted advice on this but its all been such an emotional mess I've waited until I've felt ready to explore this. My sibling has severe mental health issues which for self preservation sake I decided to go nc. My last surviving parent died and made us joint executors. My sibling would not let me near any paperwork whatsoever, was very controlling and cloak and dagger and stopped responding to any emails. I was traumatized and frightened by their behavior around my parents death and didn't know what to do except run a mile. (We hadn't had contact for many years before parents death.) The lady who created my DM's will, when I rang her after she died for a copy, told me my sibling would not leave the room and was in total control throughout - she expressed she was unnerved by my sibling. My parents were in a huge amount of debt (largely from input from my sibling) and given my siblings history I was frightened of the way he would handle probate - rarely have I felt things have been above board with my sibling. For this reason, I wanted out and signed a form exempting myself from my role as executor involvement with probate. I've since learnt sibling has been renting out my parents house for past few years. I am confused by this, given my parents immense debt. He broke contact with my parents family as soon as my DM died.. it was done in a rage and they felt my sibling wanted them out the house, snatching back the key from them.

I always felt walking away was the best option... and at peace to keep it that way, as nothing is worth the abuse around this person. Today though with financials of my own family playing on my mind I wonder if I have been rash and could perhaps consider what rights I do/don't have.

Sorry for long post. My questions I guess are - if a house is in so much debt how could he be keeping it going? My parents were being threatened with the mortgage company taking it away years before they died. And also did I sign away my right to being involved with the house when I filed in that probate exemption form - life was a blur at that time? My gut is to keep well away, but I wanted to post in case anyone had wisdom to help me to lay this to rest.

OP posts:
Margaritatime · 09/04/2021 23:34

The starting point is to get a copy of probate and wills for both your parents. www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

It may also be useful to get a copy of the register for your parents property to see if the title has been transferred to your sibling. www.gov.uk/get-information-about-property-and-land/copies-of-deeds

Signing a document to relinquish your executor role does not impact on any inheritance you may be entitled to.

buttercupyellow4 · 11/04/2021 10:49

Thanks for the info. I have checked out both. It reveals the house title is in my parents name still. The will states that the estate would be divided between my sibling and I. (Although I was told by sibling that the debts outweighed the price of the property, and the house would be taken from the bank.) However, as mentioned before I discovered it is being privately rented by sibling.

I have ordered a copy of the probate doc. this perhaps may tell me more about the debts? I am wondering how I would know if he tried to sell it & how, if there were money to be divided how I would be found, is there anyone I could inform or would I be found via the electron roll?

OP posts:
Margaritatime · 11/04/2021 11:22

You may have to set up an account but Land Registry allow you to watch a property and send updates if there are searches (pre sale enquiries) etc. It’s currently off line but this is the link propertyalert.landregistry.gov.uk/

Wait to get probate documents and find out who probate was issued to. As a residual beneficiary you are entitled to a copy of estate accounts. In view of your relationship with your sibling I would see a solicitor and ask them to write and request a copy of the estate accounts. The solicitor can also advise you how to proceed to get your fair share of the estate debts as well as assets. If the house is rented the money either is going to pay off debts or you/the estate are entitled to a share.

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