Deciding what to do when you retire

[SmithfamilyRobinson]

DH was propelled into retiring early last year when he was made redundant. He has a pitiful pension, a generous inheritance (in stocks & shares). The small pension should tide him over until pension age (5 years). Normally the business where he worked, if not for covid, would have offered planning for retirement sessions.
I am working, good pension and mortgage will be paid off in 4 years.
I've flagged that I'd like to sell up and buy somewhere to cash in on equity when the house is paid up, if not sooner.
How do we decide what we do next? Stupid question I know but how do we mediate our different ideas? For instance, DH wants to buy a house in rural France (because they are cheap). He speaks no French. Neither of us are bothered with DIY. We could afford nice holidays in areas with lots going on. That's a no then. (I blame daytime TV). We have 2 x DS and maybe this summer will have an empty nest. I am hoping my work will last another 4 years tops... I'd like to study (hopefully funded).
Two properties? One rural and one more convenient for being in London/travel hubs? Or is that too much hassle?
I know this sounds lame but anyone come across any resources for lifestyle decisions rather than financial ones (we have spoken to Pensionwise, in DH's case too late).
We've never really had pipedreams and we've been together over 30 years!

I am not sure this will be helpful but just wanted to mention a few things that I've realised recently:

1. Property prices in Scotland tend to be a lot cheaper than England.
2. Scottish property laws are different - all flats/apartments are Freehold.
3. Glasgow and Edinburgh airports have excellent routes across Europe and beyond.

Good luck for the future.

I recommend the retirement answer man I think he’s called roger Whitney - he has a podcast. Very American, but it’s mainly more about the concepts behind retiring - dreaming, planning, compromising etc, than nitty gritty details and I find him positive abs inspiring.

Thank you both. I love Scotland. Exactly a year ago last weekend with covid looming I was in Skye... I wish the DS had chosen a Scottish uni so we could visit more often (not clever enough...).
I think for both of us we need to agree/compromise.
I don't really know how this happened - one minute I had a 4 and 2 year old with £22k of debt and now we are OK and at the end of our careers noodling around (also now having lost both sets of parents).
Also (looks at DH) I don't think I want to travel around the country in a camper van.

I’d bear in mind that you don’t need to be joined at the hip.
OK, I know that a property in France isn’t a one person thing!
But take the camper van... my husband is older than me and will retire well before me. We’re both camper van fans as it happens! But I know full well that whilst I’m still working he’ll bugger off in it whilst I’m retired. He wants to do a 6 week ski trip when he’s retired - fine, I’ll fly out and do a ski holiday in week 3 or 4.
So I would say - separate your activity desires from your over riding lifestyle choices - and embrace doing those separately. It will give you plenty to talk about!

Some of my DCousins live in France and have for several years.

From then and their friends, the ones who are happiest and have made or successful have properties on both England and France.

The ones who have been unhappy have lived in isolated properties in France with limited French and no planning for how they will cope if/when they need more help.

I did go on a pre-retirement course and the key areas were:

• financial: check your state pension entitlement, understand work/private pensions, work out expenditure etc.

• skills audit: what are you good at, what do you enjoy/get pleasure from.

• what do you want to achieve? at work you have goals/objectives you need to set some for retirement or the days will drift by. We set SMART goals for the first 100 days.

• societies, clubs, volunteering you might want to do/build on.

• travel etc.

• recognise that we are all ageing so the first 10 years is when you want to do the big holidays, long haul travel, DIY etc. as this is when you will have the most energy and hopefully the health to do this.

Enjoy it.

I wouldn’t even consider buying a home abroad with Brexit and COVID restrictions. Maybe when things are more certain.

Is he happy not to be working? My DH is 55 and said he wants to retire in 5 years. What he actually meant was he wants to stop working in his current field and start up his own business making money from his hobby. Says he can’t imagine not having anything to do every day. I on the other hand will have no problem filling my days with nothing constructive.

We have 2 homes at the moment but plan on selling both to buy one property in retirement. It’s been fantastic having a holiday home whilst our children were young but I don’t want the expense or hassle in my older age. Also COVID has stopped us using our second home for the last year. Hopefully we won’t ever have to live through another year like this but you never know.

Hello. I listened to one of Roger Whitney's podcasts last night - good tip. I am going to listen to some more and get DH to listen to the ones about being suddenly retired.
He didn't like his job - oh the constant moaning, it was a relief being made redundant. His only experience is in retail. He freelanced at something else (let's not go there... £19 tax return late, £1000 fine, didn't appeal the fine either). Doing a course to cross-train is on his radar and would be paid for by his former employer.
I'm really not interested in owning a holiday home or a mobile home for that matter. I suspect that some of the crazy low prices in France are from panicking Brits waking up to the consequences of Brexit.
My radical and somewhat (counter intuitive) thought was actually to buy somewhere BIGGER with land around it a little further from where we live (but still commuting distance to London).
However, I can see it isn't beyond my imagination to start thinking about a bucket list of things I'd like to do and places I'd like to see. And get onto pinterest, gather these ideas together.
Normally I would have travelled to conferences abroad on my own and caught up with my 'people' who I have known for most of my career. And I have been WFH for a year now... spending all this time with 3 men...
I realised that unless I planned my future more carefully, the reality is that retirement might be more of this without the diversion of work!

I know exactly what you mean op.
We are a bit further on than you in the "process".
We are having to do baby steps while we make up our minds.
But crunch time is just around the corner. So some steps will get a lot bigger very quickly. We are struggling with all the decisions and ramifications so taking it as slowly as we can for now.

I think the financial world is going to be different even by the end of this year.

On the Money Saving Expert forum there is a talk forum on pensions. Within that there is a long running thread called something like 'the number'. Basically it started as a discussion about how much you'd need to live off in retirement but has morphed into people discussing their plans and the newly retired discussing their experiences. I find it really interesting and it's worth a read.

Ooh thank you. That sounds useful.

Good shout by Lightsabre, here's a link to another similar long running one;

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6019383/its-time-to-start-digging-up-those-squirrelled-nuts/p1

Super link @flummoxedlummox Thank you very much.

Unfortunately I cant find yours @Lightsabre. It will be my fault, my googling skills are far from the best.

@lightand

I think this might be the link

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2146737/pensions-planning-the-number/p187

Thank you @BertiesShoes - that's the one and the digging up squirrelled nuts one also a good read!

Yes I have been reading both tonight.

Just about to finish work (mid April, age 58) - DH carrying on for up to 2 yrs, but interesting to see the figures bandied around on those threads, and realise we will be fine financially, it’s just the planning of what to do....

I read this thread last weekend and sent DH the text of Margeritatime’s list... although I cannot get my head around SMART goals in retirement!

Mind you, an ex-HR director friend (also retired) told me that if you seriously want to plan, you need BHAGs (Big hairy audacious goals). Err, maybe not!

There's some really good tips here. Clearly a gap in "what happens after Mumsnet"...? When you've "grown up" and thinking about what's next. WFH has certainly opened my eyes to how desirable it is being at work vs being at home. Oh, the yawning void of the 4 walls. The reality that, OK won't have the equivalent of salary when not working, but pretty sensible decisions made regarding work pensions in the past which have grown over time.
I was a bit put off by one of the MSE threads I lit upon. But will have another look. Largely around the showboating of "I have squillions in my pension, will I be OK?"

Oh the squillions thing on MSE makes me half laugh and half seethe with jealousy 🤣

You get used to it. After a while, you realise that it isn’t all just people showing off - it is all relative, and a site like that is going to attract those interested in pension planning, and you’re likely to be interested if you’ve got a lot to plan!

I have never seen a response on that board putting anyone down or being less helpful because they don’t have much. Stick with it!

Ooh. Great thread.
Really useful links too - thanks Lightsabre , flummoxedlummox and BertiesShoes

I remember my parents both going on a 'retirement preparation' course before they retired. It wasn't financial planning (I think this was for people just about to retire), but was about making sure you don't just drift into a slump. keeping in mind this was in the 80s It started with things like "Cancel your newspaper delivery. Get up, get dressed, and walk down to the shop yourself every day", which, whereas I know it sounds rather patronising, after a year of wfh and ALL going out the house for social, leisure, sports, arts, family or any other usual things, now makes a lot of sense to me. It's about having a bit of structure in your life, and not morphing into people that don't know what day it is and spend all their time in leggings and slippers.
So, whatever it is your dh want to do, I'd really encourage him to do something..... a project like re-developing the garden..... a new hobby he's always wanted to do...... volunteering for something (most organisations are crying out for people who will be treasurers or Chair committees or secretaries even if he didn't want to do face to face stuff)..... or take up walking football, or rambling, or hill walking or climbing...... or setting himself a challenge like visiting every Premiership Rugby Gound / Cathedral / Lifeboat stations / {insert interest of choice} in the country (in his camper van if that materialises)....... or get a job that he might enjoy - maybe serving in a bar or maintenance or gardening at a nearby organisation.
Just 'something' to give some purpose until you are around to do the travel or whatever you want to do together.

Just a suggestion for your DH as employer will fund retraining, but can he do something useful eg qualify as a plumber or electrician (so he can re-plumb or rewire the house you buy next). Or a mechanic (so he can fix said camper van.

Would help keep bills down, as well as potentially provide some income in the years till you retire. He could work just part time a few days a week too.

When you get an empty nest could you put your furniture in storage and rent the house out? then go to France and rent a small place for a while? Then move on to spain and Portugal etc

Id rather buy a motorhome than a second home, you can travel to Europe and look around but not be tied to one place, added to the fact the investment in a small camper van will probably be cheaper than a second property and cheaper to run, take bikes with you and park up inlay places along the way.

Or sell your house and buy somewhere smaller and still travel with the remaining capital

moving somewhere new - as in a new area will leave family and friends behind, so you may need to make a concerted effort to make friends in the new area. My grandfather lived all his life on the coast, when he retired many bungalows near him would sell to up country people who would stay for 2/3 years, They'd miss their friends and family and move back

Portugal is very nice weather through the winter and you'll find many brits down their enjoying the weather till easter then they come home (obviously not during cover)

just a few idle thoughts

I realise I have rather jumped on this thread. Hope you dont mind op. [If you do I will happily make another thread].

From my point of view, all ideas welcome, and I mean all. When I posted last saturday, I wasnt sure if what we will do[still dont to a certain extent]. But without saying too much, parts of our life is in for major change. Personally, I think give it six months, on a cold November day/evening, and my DH is going to say "well what do we do know". I think he/we can keep ourselves occupied so to speak, whether that involves travel or not, for a good few months. But after that, personally I think he will still need to work. Yes, he has done many hours and hard work, very hard work, but he still has a lot of energy and good health for now. He is not used at all to having much free time from since he was a mid teen.

Another one here. I'm still working and will retire soon. Anytime between this August and next August depending on how long I can bear it here at work. I'll be 65 this August but had always th;ought I'd soldier on to 66. DH works 2 days a week in an interesting role, and has taken his old work pensions, will get OAP later this year and is living the life of Riley. I'm a bit worried about how I'll feel after working full time forever (even went back to work when children were 6 weeks old) I've some plans for coaching people involved in legal proceedings but a bit nervous about getting started or even if it is a good idea. If I think about staying put in our existing house that feel very staid and unexciting, if I think about moving that seems a very big change to contemplate. I think bravery is required but not for the sake of it.