How do you do it?!

[sausagesandbeanz]

I need some advice please, getting slightly desperate!
New mum, currently on mat leave.

Didn't have the opportunity to save for mat leave last year due to furlough and didn't have any spare cash.

I did a benefits calculator to see if I could get additional help with SMP and it came up saying I'd get approx £900 pcm on top of SMP so I thought that wasn't bad and I could manage.

Skip to now my statement from the other day from UC says I'll only be getting £200.
Me and my partner are absolutely skint. We can just about pay for the bills at the end of March and then that's it, we will be 100% struggling at a loss of over £1k pcm.

He's got 2 other kids which we have 50/50 and provide everything for when they're here, the costs are as if they're with us full time but obviously can't claim for them because their mum does (rightly so) and our housing is cut because the gov say we don't need a 3 bed house as we technically only have 1 child (although we have the other 2 half the time and they need somewhere to sleep!)

I'm at my wits end, we 'earn too much' for extra help but haven't got enough money to pay our bills. I don't know what to do anymore, we only need the help until I end of August!

All this and on top, if I go back to work full time (which I'll need to) we can't afford to pay for childcare before claiming whatever back from the gov.

How the hell do people do maternity leave & childcare under the age of 2 without help?!
Or how can I make money while being on mat leave?

Any advice would be welcome, we're nearly out of options to the point of going our separate ways for a period of time, moving in with parents and saving as much money as possible.

Just to add, we don't have any stupid subscriptions except for Netflix, everything else we can't get rid of due to contracts or being a genuine bill.

sorry to hear of the financial situation youre in.
Its difficult to offer help as we dont know your full circumstances.
For example how much does your OH earn? Can he do O/T? Do you have debt payments i.e credit cards, loans, car finance etc?

Obviously things like Netflix are easy to cancel but as you say you dont have that, but expenses like Sky, mobile phones, broadband providers even if in contract are sympathetic if you are experiencing money difficulties (especially in todays Covid climate)
A quick call to these and you could save, i know its not going to give you £700 but its a start right?
If money is tight and you have loans contact them to see if you can have a holiday payment, you have suggested your situation is temporary, im sure they will help. Its better than a default.

Speak to your local council, do you pay council tax can it be stopped or reduced?
Shop in Aldi, meal plan, download the free food sharing app Olio.
Sell on ebay, even if you just get £20 thats better than nothing.

I hope this doesnt sound like im preaching, i just want to help with the little information i know.
take care x

If you split the CB claim, and your boyfriend claims for one child, does that help the situation? Even if he agrees privately to give the money to his ex, receiving CB officially is sometimes a gateway to other benefits - and may help with housing (though I don’t think 2 kids = 3 beds). Not a fiddle, it’s perfectly reasonable and plenty of people do it for a 50:50 split.

It's tough. Unfortunately many of us find ourselves in the squeezed middle.

Earn too much to get access to benefits but don't earn enough to pay the bills.

I phoned everyone I had a monthly bill with and told them I was struggling - they all reduced my bills. So I saved £100 per month. I also switch my mortgage to interest only so my payment reduced. I did meal planning and only bought exactly what was needed. I made sure I had a reward card for every shop I went into and got free goods whenever possible. I used coupons all the time. Switched to supermarket lowest brands. I scrimped!

It was hard, but worth it. I got to be with my baby for a couple of months longer and once I was earning again I'd got used to living frugally so kept going with it and saved ££.

Good job I did as I lost my job due to covid. Got no help again but have managed to survive.

Re childcare - you may need to go back to work sooner than you’d like. With both of you earning, can you take out a loan to cover the childcare for a short period?

I’m confused though on you not being able to afford childcare before claiming back from the government. Claiming back what?

For his older children... is their mum paying any childcare when the kids are with her? If so, would she be prepared to temporarily pay you instead? It would take a pretty good relationship to effectively be paying her ex to look after his own kids (though it would be you, and during her time) but I’m trying to think of anything here!

My reply is going to be all over the place so I'm sorry, haven't got used to the app yet!

• we have 2 loans which we're trying to consolidate but our credit history has been shot by our exes it's proving so much more difficult than we thought to sort it out.

• I do pay my dad for a brand new car (we get it on a cheaper deal due to his work) but it's such a significant amount, if I spoke to my dad and stopped paying it until I'm back at work that's our relationship done in his eyes so I'm stuck with that.

• I have thought about suggesting splitting the CB but I also know she's on UC and I couldn't do that to her, it's not fair and also it's not her problem we're having financial difficulties.

• my partner is £1 above minimum wage, he already works 12 hour shifts but he's no issues doing OT when work throws it his way which unfortunately is quite rare but if he does OT then the UC goes down more so it's a catch 22.

I'm probably going to have to start ringing round everyone to try and see what they can do.

Ideally if we could rid the loans and the car we'd just scrape by but I couldn't rid the car, my dad would just hit the roof.

Thank you for all your suggestions, I'm going to try and action as much as I can. I just feel so lost and helpless and much to my dismay I may have to head back to work sooner than I wanted but like I said, I then have the added childcare which we can't afford either.

Feeling rather sorry for myself, I think tomorrow I'm going to need my big girl pants on and do as much as I possibly can!

@Cocomarine

I thought you had to pay childcare upfront and then you could claim back 80% of it from UC?

I would stop with those 2 loans immediately!!

I had to take a payment break for mine recently. The first bank I just went on to my banking app, requested a 3 month break by filling out a very short form, and it was confirmed in minutes. The second bank I just had to send an email, they replied, and it was sorted in minutes.

Don’t be embarrassed, I didn’t even have to speak to anyone. Because of COVID the banks have systems set up in place and it’s essentially no questions asked.

It’s a pity your dad can’t be more kind and help you out with the car loan.

we have 2 loans which we're trying to consolidate

I hope you don’t mean consolidate onto your mortgage!

@TheDuchessOfBeddington

I think I'm going to have to get breaks otherwise I'm going to break!

He's helped me before when I was on my own for a couple of months but his girlfriend gets the hump and I don't particularly want to put him in that position again.

Noooo, too poor to have a mortgage 😂

Your problem seems to be debt (loans, car repayments) and trying to support three children on a low wage. There's no easy answer I'm afraid.

Have you checked your Uc claim is correct ? Is your child definitely on the statement. I'm just asking because sometimes elements get missed off.

@DorisLessingsCat I know and I also know that it's not the best situation to bring another child into, I don't ever regret my DC I just wish I'd been a lot more money savvy beforehand.

@Babyroobs yeah, I rang them today and basically he said we earn too much that's why we get deducted so much. Caught in catch 22.
I literally don't know what to do, he suggested speaking to local authority but I wouldn't know where to start.

I also didn't realise Child Benefit is something completely separate so I've got to sort that out too! Atleast that will help somewhat.

Definitely take a break from the loans then. As you already both have poor credit ratings, you don’t need to worry about ruining them! Start by just requesting - as a PP said, with Covid it can be a simpler process at the moment. If that isn’t accepted, see a debt charity like Stepchange for their help to reduce to a token payment.

Then the car... you don’t need a brand new car 😳 and dramatic I know, but I honestly think if sensibly reducing your outgoings is something that’s going to wreck your relationship with your dad, then face - you don’t actually have a relationship with him now.

Unless you’re going to make him personally liable for the money, and you swore blind to him you could afford it after he expressed concern, then really - what kind of dad is he?

@Cocomarine yes, I've spoken to DP about breaks and we both think it's something we definitely need to do for now.

When I got the car, I wasn't fussed about it being second hand or even a new ish car I just needed one that would fit all 5 of us in. The only problem I had was that I didn't have a deposit to put down on a used car and the easiest option at the time was to continue on a new car scheme at an extremely reduced rate.
At the time I thought we could afford it even with being on mat leave but a year in and I now realise although it would have been difficult, I could have just said no to a car full stop and saved a lot of money that I don't have.

Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing 😭

Can you give back the car? Also you could look at doing some KIT days at work as you can do up to 10 and get full pay for those days. You may have to go back to work early.

I changed job and did 12 hour carework shifts when dh wasn't working. It worked quite well. Dd was either with me or dh so we paid no childcare. I was in that rut where my wages were similar to childcare costs. With the care work I quite liked only working 2 or 3 days a week, rather than 5. I went back to office work when dd started school. It's not easy though. I hope you find a way.

@Racoonworld
Again that would just cause a massive hoo-haa with my dad, I have briefly looked into it and I think some finance companies request you still pay half the cars value which would be pants.
The company I work for is abit crap, they didn't know what they were doing when it came to my maternity and don't offer anything other than the basic SMP, it was a battle to try and get them to understand I still kept my work perks and I continued to accrue holidays including bank holidays (I work in an office) they literally thought I was making it up to take the piss.

@Enorel it just seems near impossible, I'm absolutely baffled by it!

When you do you back to work you can use tax free childcare to get a 20% contribution from the government. It made a big difference to us.

You can’t afford the car. How old is the baby? Can you look for work at the weekend or whenever it is that your partner doesn’t work?

@sausagesandbeanz I’m not sure why your car would cause a problem with your dad, But if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it. You’re going to have to give up something, either your car or go back to work early. A long maternity leave is a luxury many people can’t do.

I would highly recommend you speak to step change. We were in a similar situation when we had out DD and we managed to get our debt out on to a debt management plan and pay a much more manageable amount. They may even be able to help with the car situation.

Make a long list of all your monthly outgoings, bills, rent, loan repayments. Mobile phones,
Add Food and petrol and work out how to get theses down to minimum.

Then add up all you income - wages, child benefit maternity pay. And other benefits.

Take the bottom number away from the first, and if it is a minus amount then get over to moneysavingexpert debt board and ask their advice.

Don’t consolidate debt, until you have worked out a budget to go forward on. Or the debt will reappear bigger than before.

Good luck......

The loans and the car are the issue. Try step change for loans advice, to freeze interest and make a payment plan towards the balance rather than service minimum. Claim CB and look fir any pt work you can do while your dp looks after baby.

It seems utterly unfair that you have DPs two children 50/50 and their DM gets all the benefits when you're also on a low income. Does she work, can she work?

It would seem fairest if you both claim for 1 DC each and you both get some of the CB and any top up benefits and if she's short, she'll also have to work more.

Have you done a proper budget that shows how much you are short. How much are the loans and the car payment to your dad? How long do they all last?

You could have a look at Moneysaving Expert and do everything that is relevant. Who's names are the loans in? If the loans are large and long lasting, it might even go as far as going bankrupt or getting a debt relief order if you have no spare money and no assets, although the car will complicate things enormously.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/budgeting-debt-help/