Splitting bills

[Lollipops5]

Hey all,

So before I had my daughter me and my partner split all household bills 50/50 as we roughly earned the same. We would each pay for our own cars ect individually as you would expect.

Now I’m back at work and only part time I’m only picking up around £1600 pm. I’m still paying half of the bills which is fine, -£550. My car + insurance + phone bill + petrol + few other silly things - £400pm. My daughter only goes to nursery 2 days pm which is costing £500 pm. My partner agreed from day one we would split the fees but I yet to get a penny off him. All bills paid pm I’m left with £150. By the time I’ve say done a food shop or got a pair of shoes or a little outfit for my daughter I’m in my overdraft and it’s a never ending circle. Last month I told him I sick of never having money to the point last month I personally couldn’t afford a pack of nappies and he said he will start giving me half of the nursery fees £250. But yet again this month nothing. For valentines he went out and brought me pointless shit that I don’t need, a bottle of perfume and some earring! And while I appreciate the thought I would much rather he give me the money so I’m not on my arse every month. But now because he’s brought them I feel like I can’t ask/demand the money the month. Should I ? He works full time and is taking home around £2700 pm.

Thanks

This is not on at all! Rather than you paying the nursery fees and him giving you money back can’t he just pay the bill?

You need to work out paying a proportion of the household bills by how much you earn, this isn’t fair at all, I’d be livid

Ok so who's bank account does the bills come out of? Cos if you're paying him, I'd Def deduct it.

He should be paying at least half the childcare costs and anything for baby should go in the general pot along with food shopping

This is a difficult one... is this typical behaviour from him or an oversight?? Is there anyway of transferring the nursery fees to come out of his account and you give him half?

He's got you a bit here because you can't simply stop paying the bills and if you stop your childcare you can almost guarantee it'll be you sorting out that mess.

Trying to work out if you're over the threshold for child benefit with 2700, could you claim that?

The bills are now 1600, OP. 1100 plus 500 for nursery. If you're paying nursery by yourself then you only pay 300 for bills, not 550.

Though 50:50 seems unreasonable particularly as you are minding his child while he works. I'd go back to work full time tbh, he doesn't seem trustworthy.

Childcare bills for a joint child should be, well, joint.

House, house Bills, childcare bills, the food shop, and a slush fund for dds needs is a joint expense. Split it proportionally against your incomes.

The leftover is each your own.

Yes you should still expect him to pay his share of the nursery fees! And you should be expecting him to backdate what he gives you back to when she started.

Get the bills moved over into his name, then you pay him a proportion (less than half, as he earns more than you). Stop paying 50:50 towards the household bills. That's just ridiculous.

(That should have said nursery bills in my first sentence)

You talk as if your DD is only you responsibility, is your partner not her father?

But as you all live together, I assume that he is her father so all household and child related costs are both your responsibilities so should come out of joint income with the remainder split to leave you the same amount of personal spending money.

You've put yourself in a very vulnerable position by having a child and going part time without being married, especially as your partner doesn't seem to realise that the cost and career impact of having a child should be shared between you.

The fairest way would be to open a joint account with both salaries and child benefit paid into it (if he earns £2700 pm, I suspect his income is in the high £40ks pa, so if he gets bonuses or pay rises, that takes his salary over £50k after pension contributions he will need to start to do a tax return to pay back some of the child benefit, which should be in your name as the lower earner/main carer). The joint account pays for all household and child costs including childcare and food shopping, clothes for DD etc and some of this money needs to be put away in savings for annual and irregular joint costs like appliance replacement.

What's left then gets split 50/50 and can be sent to personal accounts to cover personal costs. That will mean you have some spending money of your own, and he'll have a lot less money, but that's the way it goes when you have DC.

Pay £250 less a month towards joint bills. That’s his half of the childcare fees.

Pay less elsewhere tell him to pick it up

This is kind of how things ended up with my ex, as a result, post divorce I have substantially more disposable income now than I even did during my marriage. I'm planning to move in with DP soon so I've been giving this some thought.

I would write a list of all the fixed monthly expenses, which includes nursery fees, this needs to be split according to income so rather than 50/50 it might be 40/60 you need to agree what's in and what's out, so you might keep car payments and mobile phone bills out for example.

Then set a budget for other expenses such as groceries, clothes for DC, savings for holidays, Christmas etc. this also needs to be split according to income, the money needs to go into a joint account(s) and one of you needs to manage it.

What this looks like from the outside is that your partner's income hasn't been affected at all by having a child whereas yours is (less income, nursery fees and you buying your daughter's clothes and shoes).

At the least, he needs to give you his share of the nursery fees backdated. How do you arrange paying the bills? Is it a joint account or transferring what gets spent to each other? Ask him to set up a transfer for the bills on the day he gets paid. That way, he can then know what's left is his.

I suspect he hasn't really got his head round the costs of children and the idea of being £250 down a month is putting him off. At a minimum, assuming you are ok with bills being 50:50, he also needs to add on more for your daughter's clothes and - as lockdown ends - any other costs like playgroups etc.

It's ok to ask for the £250 even if he did buy you a Valentine gift. That should have been an extra. If he can't understand this then give him a pack of nappies for his birthday.

You are losing £1000 / month in order to be home to care for your daughter plus the £500 nursery fees plus all expenses related to her.

So he actually owes you £500 + £250 = £750 per month plus half of all other child related expenses. He needs to back date this money from when your child was born as well, so he owes you several thousand already.

Alternatively, get rid (because seriously how can you find this gross sexist unfairness in a person attractive). His salary must be about £40k in which case the child maintenance calculator indicates he will have to pay about £400/month. On your salary you could claim about £1,150 in universal credit on top of your salary with your childcare expenses.

Unless he stumps up with what he owes you and pays on time, you are financially much better off without him. Find a decent man who wont sponge off you and your daughter.

This is a really weird and unfair set up. I couldn’t imagine having to ask my partner for money/not having enough for nappies. You should both be getting paid into a joint account where all your main expenses come out of and then having your own account for some fun money. Totally agree with what @BarbaraofSeville wrote

You've put yourself in a very vulnerable position by having a child and going part time without being married, especially as your partner doesn't seem to realise that the cost and career impact of having a child should be shared between you.

Joint account and both pay in proportionately to income. Then all bills come out of this account.