Splitting Living Expenses

[DiamondBright]

I want to live with DP, we both have our own houses and DC, there's no possibility of having any more DC together so assets and inheritance is an issue, I also expect to inherit a reasonable about of money myself at some point which I don't want to be part of a joint estate to be shared with his DC. It's all very unromantic but needs to be discussed and backed up legally so we both now where we stand.

The options are that I buy the new property with the mortgage, deeds etc in my name only and he keeps his house and rents it out, his property stays in his name only and goes to his dc.

Or

We both sell, and buy together as tenants in common with wills ensuring our shares go to our dc when the second one dies, this can be done so the survivor still has full control of the property and can move as long as the capital is protected.

The second option is probably the simplest, saves having a rental property we don't really want, with tax implications and means the new property is ours and the mortgage payment, bills etc. can just be split 50/50 or thereabouts based on income, we can also pay off the mortgage faster with two salaries, so I'm thinking it's the way to go, with legal advice.

If we went for the first option, and I can see how this could happen if my house sells and then we find a property to buy before DPs house sells, how do you split finances then, bills etc. are 50/50 the same but surely DP would have to contribute something towards the mortgage, otherwise he'd be living rent free, but I've seen lots of women on here advised not to contribute towards a mortgage they're not named on, but that can't be right.

Those who've done this, how did you organise finances?

As you say, 2nd option is probably the cleanest.

When sorting out wills etc one thing to consider is whether your DP would get custody of your children if you die - it may be worth considering leaving him something to help him afford that - no point in your children inheriting everything if they are at risk of homelessness before that. If their father is still in the picture and would take full custody then it’s not as necessary.

My youngest dc will be over 18 by the time we move in together so that's not an issue.

If your house sells can't you move in with him for a bit until his also sells? It wouldn't be fair for him to contribute towards your mortgage and also pay his own when it's not his fault your house sold first.

I always wonder if the easiest solution in these situations might not be a semi-detached with a freshly cut door.

@yvanka

If your house sells can't you move in with him for a bit until his also sells? It wouldn't be fair for him to contribute towards your mortgage and also pay his own when it's not his fault your house sold first.

In the interim, until his house could be rented out, I agree we'd have to come to an arrangement, I was thinking more after we've moved in and his mortgage was being covered by the rental income.

@MixedUpFiles

I always wonder if the easiest solution in these situations might not be a semi-detached with a freshly cut door.

It's difficult, we've both had time to recover from divorces emotionally and financially but it's still very difficult contemplating owning a property with someone again, joint bills etc. my exH was borderline financially abusive so this needs to be a very considered decision, with everything agreed upfront and formalised.

If you're in a position to buy the house yourself and have him pay rent then I would do that personally.

He can pay rent equivalent to half of all bills including mortgage and still be building equity on the rental house so it wouldn't cost him any more, in fact renting out a whole house he'd be building more equity than he'd get living with you for paying the same money out - everybody wins.

Plus you'd have the peace of mind knowing you're not financially tying yourself to a man you've never actually lived with.