Do you have fun money?

[lionpaws]

Do you have an allocation of money each month for 'fun'? Sorry, this turned out to be really long but I need to tell the whole background story!

Background - I am a sahm, DH earns about 43k pre tax.

We have a mortgage of about £660pm, savings & investments, an emergency fund. We budget for all monthly expenses carefully, bills, food, insurances, pets, household, phones, Netflix, family eating out etc. all from the joint account. DH transfers enough into the JA to cover all this and puts the rest of his salary in our investments or emergency fund.

Pre covid we each had £100 a month fun money for spending, lunches etc.
It was always a bit awkward, in that I would always feel a bit guilty for having that money and spending it. DH rarely buying 'things' for himself but he would go to gigs and things like that. Sometimes we would do those kinds of things together.

We stopped the fun money during covid as we were buying more joint things, extra food treats etc.

We had a no spend January and decided to start up the fun money again for Feb. We had a few discussions over it and ended up having a conversation where DH was saying he's only going to have £50 as he doesn't really need more than that. He was saying how much do I want, and I just said I wanted my £100. I planned to just buy a few skincare bits, and I've seen a wallet I like which will basically blow the entire £100 and I feel really guilty and like I need to justify buying the wallet even though we budget for the £100 each. I feel like hiding how much I'm spending on it from DH.

I do feel a little awkward about being a sahm and not earning any money myself, and I feel like that puts DH in 'control' of all our money. I have full access to our joint account and I know I could just say to him I want to buy whatever and it would be fine but I don't know, I just feel awkward about it.

My mum was never able to really buy things for herself as we weren't well off when I was growing up and Dad would always take responsibility for financial things. So maybe it stems from that.

Think I just needed to get that off my chest really. Thank you if you've read all that!

If it was a joint decision for you to be a SAHM then it’s a joint decision as to how you spend the money your husband earns.

100 a month is hardly an extreme amount if you are still saving.

Yes I have fun money, £100 is pretty conservative imo. However I work pt. Clearly your DH is very careful with money & obviously used to restraint. I think it's amazing you have an emergency fund, savings & investments with that income (don't mean to sound rude) so how much is there actually left for fun?

@iveturnedintoachip thanks! Not taken as rude at all. We've worked hard to get here.

He wasn't always like this, had debts when we met and we were both a lot more spendy. We started being more sensible in 2016, about a year before bought our house, and then when we had DS in 2017 I think DH just wanted us to be secure should anything happen. I had planned to return to work but DS had some unexpected health issues when he was tiny. He gets DLA and I get Carers Allowance which do go into the pot as well.

We end up with about £1200 after all outgoings, which we save.

@Trisolaris it was a joint decision, and I do need to remind myself of that. I'm amazed at what we've managed by being careful and I guess I feel like I'm 'letting the side down' if I buy things just because I want them!

Your husband seems to be very good with money as others have said to have saved so much. My daughter earns a similar amount. Her husband is a sahd. No way could she save as you, as a couple have done and each have £100 spending money. There will probably be some who come on to say your dh is controlling where money is concerned but it doesn't look like that to me. He is prepared to spend less himself while still asking you what you want/need. I think you just need to give yourself this £100 spend money if you think you can afford it. The problem would be if he expected you to cut down your own spends unnecessarily because he has chosen to do this himself. If you are sure he is not secretly worried about money just continue with your own spends.

If you can afford £100 pm each and still save, then you should take that amount and if either of you don't want to spend it, just save it.

Your DH might decide he wants something later or he might just like having savings.

£100 a month is quite low anyway, if you have a reasonable disposable income, which you do with his salary, the DLA and carers allowance, no childcare costs due to you being a SAHM and a mortgage that isn't huge.

I think 1.2k is amazing to have "spare" so dont see the issue with £100 each & if he doesn't want to spend it himself so be it.
It's good to have a safety net which I assume you have a good one since you been saving that amount for a while. Equally you shouldn't deprive yourself too much.

What are you saving towards? Unless you’re saving towards something specific or you don’t have a pot of savings already I don’t really understand why you can only have £100 fun money when you’re saving so much.

Well it depends if any annual and irregular expenses have to come out of the £1200.

If this needs to cover school uniforms and shoes, holidays, Christmas and birthdays, white goods replacement, car repairs, MOT, servicing and replacement, that sort of thing then these expenses can average out at hundreds of pounds a month, so the savings wouldn't really ever build up to a huge amount, because you'd be constantly taking from the pot.

@user1493413286

What are you saving towards? Unless you’re saving towards something specific or you don’t have a pot of savings already I don’t really understand why you can only have £100 fun money when you’re saving so much.

Why do savings need to be for something specific?

I wouldn't feel guilty if you can afford it.

This month you want a wallet, you won't be buying one every month. Your DH may not buy anything for a few months but might fancy a new bit of tech or something in the summer which costs £200. Its swings and roundabouts.

I like saving money but also.....life is short! Don't feel guilty about also enjoying yourself. Buy things that you like for you and your son.

Thanks everyone for the replies. All really helpful and rational.

I'm really lucky my husband is so good with money. I wouldn't be in this position if I was left to my own devices! He's an accountant though, so it's just what he does!

The £100 is already accounted for as spent, so it doesn't really matter what I spend it on. I guess after so long of us not using it, it felt frivolous to spend it!

I ordered the wallet!

Yep! We have £500 each. I use it for my fitness class, hair/nails (pre covid), make up clothes, gifts for him or friends,

Well done! Hope you enjoy new wallet

I think fun money is really important and I honestly couldn't manage without it. We both work but pool finances together and have 100 each a week to spend on whatever we want.

We have Splash Cash.

We basically split up the bills and family savings proportionate to our salaries, and whatever we have left over we do with as we please. I pay into my own savings as does DH.

DH generally puts his splash cash into his stocks and shares fund, I splash mine!

Yes, we both work...I earn about 1/3 more than DH. We both put money in the joint account...him weekly, me monthly. Mine covers the mortgage and all the bills. His covers the weekly food / loan repayments etc. We've worked it that we have 80 - 100 left per week to spend each.

I think it's fair as we both have exactly the same each week and we're both happy with it.

We have a setup that works for us. We earn about equal amounts.

One entire salary goes into savings.
Other salary goes into the joint pot and pays mortgage, all bills, general living expenses, some savings, general stuff we do as a family.
Out of this pot, we each then have £400 that goes into our personal accounts that we spend or save as we see fit. This is typically used for personal care (hairdressers, nails etc), lunchtime coffees, online shopping, presents, trips out with friends etc.
Additionally, we also have a smaller amount £200/month each) that goes into personal savings account. This is to cover bigger personal items- gadgets, handbags etc.

Obviously we’re lucky that we can save and spend to the extent we do, but neither of would be in favour of a situation where one is “paid” less than the other in terms of discretionary spends.

I should have said, one of us earns twice as much but we both get equal ‘personal spends’

100 pcm is very reasonable and it sounds like you can more than afford it. Saving is important, very important, but so is living!

It's hard being reliant on someone else. I think for many women that feeling is also a push back into the workforce. Not that you aren't working now.

Try not to feel guilt. You both contribute and no one should feel because the money isn't theirs, they can't buy themselves needed things and even a treat! Enjoy that wallet.

@lachy love this,splash cash!
I definitely need splash cash. Tried a couple of months with no treats etc, was miserable. So now allocate myself a monthly amount.

Also love ‘splash cash’!

I’m a sahm at the moment. Have been since my 3 year old was born. Getting back to work in the near future, but until that point and since our child was born, my DH has transferred me money to my single account. We have a joint account that his wages get paid into, and I use that for family expenses such as food shopping, stuff for our DC, car costs etc...and all the household bills comes out of it, and we each get the same amount transferred to our single accounts, as ‘splash cash’. Any surplus in the joint account gets transferred to our savings.

Ive read multiple times on here women who are sahms and they literally have to beg their partner and justify themselves for money any time they want to buy something.

We have the same 'fun money amount' each month. Both of us work full time.

What we do with that is entirely up to us. Often we save some of that in our own savings accounts (we have joint as well) and then but something we want later on. I think it's important to have the same amount even if one of you want to spend it in full each month while the other saves it.

and then but something we want later on

and then buy something we want later on