Row over money

[mikyboy]

Iv been with my partner for nearly 2 years and we both decided that it’s best if we live together so she moved in with me, it’s been so lovely, we both enjoy each other’s company and love doing things together, yes we have our disagreements at times, but who don’t, we are both retired and only receiving state benefit which is not a lot but we get by,
The problem I have been having is my partner as been giving and lending money to her 25 year old son, he don’t live with us he lives with his girlfriend, however, they are both working and on around £3200 a month, as saving to get their own place, as they are both still living at my partner old house and all he pays is £200 a month, ad that is to cover, rent, council tax, water, gas and electric and my partner pays the rest so that causes arguments between me and her, on top of all that her so rings her asking if he can or tow £50 or £30 etc at times e pays it back but most of the times he done, I said to her, we get very title money to live in our self’s and can’t keep lending or giving obey away to your son or anyone, he and his girlfriend are in over £3000 a month and why can’t they manage, she said I don’t know she also said that she never had anything when she was young and don’t want her kids to go without, I said how is he going with out as his own job pays him almost £2000 a month plus over time, so how is he going without? He is not a kid but an adult so needs to learn how to manage his money better and needs to learn the true cost of living by paying you the right amount to live in your old house,
I don’t like what she is doing and I feel he is taking her for granted and yes it’s causing tension with me and her and I’m worried if it continues we will have nothing to live on and it could break our relationship up, I have tried taking to her about it but always get the same answers, I’m not going to see my son go without and don’t make me choose between my kids or you, even tho all her sons and daughter are all adults all over the age of 25 and all earring good money, can I ask would you be doing the same if you was on state pension and have very little obey coming in, and your sins or daughters was on good money yet still ask to have money or borrow money from you, what would you do?

Poor woman is full of guilt and her son is playing on that. At the moment I have two relatives constantly going to elderly relatives crying poverty. It’s wrong. If your partners house is rented, she should tell them she is ending the tenancy as she cannot afford two houses and they cannot afford hers.

Part of being a parent is giving your children the skills to live independently.

You should be supportive of her, encourage her to realise her son needs to stand on his own two feet, rather than do it isn an argumentative critical way. Nobody responds well to that.

Agree that your partner needs to tell her DS that he needs to take over the tenancy and start paying the rent and council tax himself, along with all his other living costs. No ifs, no buts.

If you two are on state pensions, they have around twice as much money as a couple as you do, so why is she paying living costs for another independent working adult who has more money than you do? Madness.

If she wants to help them, she needs to give them budgeting advice, or point them towards the likes of Moneysavingexpert and tell them to read the budgeting articles or do the 'learning about money' course.

www.open.edu/openlearn/money-business/mses-academy-money/content-section-overview?active-tab=description-tab?utm_source=mse&utm_campaign=ol&utm_medium=press

You're not doing your job as a parent if you're still spoon feeding them in his situation. By keeping giving him money and paying his bills for him, she's preventing him from standing on his own two feet, which he should be perfectly capable of doing in his situation, without mummy holding his hand.

I would call that elder abuse, shocking behaviour from her entitled selfish son. Sadly mothers seem quite susceptible to being guilted into this type thing with these selfish adult children l. They will take until there is nothing left to take. I've seen it my own family more than once. I'm sorry I don't know how to stop it if she doesn't have the wherewithal in herself to stand up to him or even realise it's unacceptable. Is she codependent in other ways? Does it impact you in that she can't pay her way at yours? Perhaps her understanding the impact on you, as well as realising she is enabling her sons financial recklessness might help.