Feel so let down by child maintenance and completely overwhelmed.

[Pearl0876]

My child used to spend time 50/50 between my house and her fathers, yet since March he has not had her stay more than a handful of times. Due to no genuine reasons, he claims its to keep everyone safe from covid but seems to conveniently not be worried during his birthday weekend and Christmas. Tbh I think he's just trying to save money. Our house was really struggling due to being recently self employed, we weren't entitled to furlough and although grateful for the support from universal credit, the amount rewarded was about half the cost of our regular bills, without many luxuries. I feel bad for moaning about this as i know there are people in much worse situations as we did have some savings, which we've been using to cover the rest of our outgoings each month. the availability of work is still on and off currently, although we are trying to find other ways to top up our income, it's still a struggle and our savings are now pretty much at 0. I decided to apply for child maintenance in September and in November got a letter saying that my child's father would be paying about £200 a month, which was a massive relief tbh. Then no payment came on the expected date and i was told he had asked hem to re calculate and blatantly lied that our arrangement was still shared care and that our child spent 3+ nights a week at his home. I wasn't worried as he has absolutely no proof of this as it's complete bs. We never had a formal or written child care arrangement so I have no proof to show them but I have been solely responsible for our child for 10 months now and home-schooling along with my other child., our expanses have increased, we had to spend quite a bit to make sure we had everything needed, printer ect, I feel so let down that he doesn't even believe he should be chipping in. I obviously have told them that this is an utter lie and asked what evidence they would accept but they have ultimately decided there's not enough proof our arrangement has changed and he shouldn't have to pay a penny.

I feel so angry that I have been completely truthful and also waited 6 months to even apply? I gave him every opportunity to get things back to normal and yet all he has to do is lie and now doesn't have to support his child at all.

I can't talk to him as we have no contact and tbh it wold be completely pointless.

I'm not really sure the point of this post, I just feel so let down and hopeless, I really cant see our financial situation getting better anytime soo and I'm so worried about not being able to afford the mortgage or food at some point.

This and trying to home-school a 13 year old and 6 year old who both need hands on help with school work, I spend about 10 hours a day making sure everything is complete, It's exhausting. Then once they are in bed, I desperately try to make new things to sell on etsy, as this is the only way i can make money right now..

Really don't know how i can take much more of this. I've never felt this overwhelmed before. Honestly trying to keep it together in front of the children but it gets harder by the day.

Sorry for this rant.

Does the 13 year old understand the situation?

They've been repeatedly told by their father hat the reason they're not allowed at that house is because of covid. At the same time I've made it clear that legally they've been allowed there the entire time. Have tried not to say anything negative about him but I think deep down they know this is their fathers choice. They're a very clever child and have access to newd and the internet so it's not hard to check but it must be a hard thing to accept. They weren't aware about the maintenance claim until recently but they did over hear a conversation between myself and a family member and I've since shown an official letter that states he is claiming the 50/50. He was then adamant to our child that he would never lie and has told them he's actually told our child he told cm our child has been at my houss the entire time since march. I think he's trying to make me seem crazy and paint himself in the best light possible. The fact that he knows they've seen an official letter and yet he still manages to deny that he's lied makes me feel anxious that our child will believe anything he says tbh.

Hmmm. Difficult one. To get more input I’d put this on Chat or AIBU.

You need to challenge that with the CMS and tell them he has had no shared contact and the £200 is right.

Could you write to your MP. I found this out a rocket up the CMS

Although I'm still waiting 28 months later. Ex either moves. Changes job or phone number. I've given up. Bit every so often I give the CMS a push. And hope they catch up with him one day

Sorry that doesnt help at all

Email him and ask what 3 nights / 4 days per week is having DC from now on. Either he starts having them those days, or use his refusal as evidence to go back to CMS. Get everything in writing from now on.