Urgent help needed - Safeguarding bank accounts and mental illness

[pinkiepromise123]

Apologies, wasn't sure whether to post here or under Mental Health but have started this thread to try and help my DB.

DSiL has been mentally unstable for sometime, in and out and hospital and extremely unpredictable. Sadly matters have escalated and she is pretty much drinking herself to death. She is refusing all help and is basically on self destruct.
DB has had no choice but to move himself and the DC out.

DSIL is spending vast amounts on alcohol and DB is petrified that she will empty not only their joint account and potentially take out a large overdraft, but also take the DC savings (he is not a joint signatory and there is ££££s in there.

As he understands it he could request to have their joint account frozen but is loathe to do that because of all the direct debits.
However more worryingly is the risk of her spending the DCs savings and him not being able to do a thing about it.

Does anybody at all have any advice of how he can navigate this awful situation? With joint accounts can one person put restrictions in place or can it be frozen but leave direct debits going out? Can he do anything to block withdrawals on the DCs accounts?
He doesn't have Power of Attorney and in any case she is considered to have 'capacity' (but that's a whole other shitstorm)

Any help is so very much appreciated

As he understands it he could request to have their joint account frozen but is loathe to do that because of all the direct debits.

A way to do this would be for your DB to open a new account in his name and transfer the direct debits to the new account.

Can he do anything to block withdrawals on the DCs accounts?
No

He might be able to freeze accounts if he first files for divorce and then applies to the court to freeze the joint assets (which is what the childrens savings are)

I have no direct experience but wanted to say that this sounds very difficult for everyone involved. Are there charities which support partners of addicts? These may be good starting point or a free initial consultation with a solicitor who works in safeguarding/family law. An important issue will be ensuring your SIL is safeguarded as she is also vulnerable. Are social services involved with the family? They may be able to offer support.

@StephenBelafonte

As he understands it he could request to have their joint account frozen but is loathe to do that because of all the direct debits.

A way to do this would be for your DB to open a new account in his name and transfer the direct debits to the new account.

Can he do anything to block withdrawals on the DCs accounts?
No

He might be able to freeze accounts if he first files for divorce and then applies to the court to freeze the joint assets (which is what the childrens savings are)

Can new accounts be opened quickly and direct debits switched with urgency?

Sadly, as I suspected regarding the DC accounts. I hate to think of what she could do and by the time any potential divorce happened it would be too late

@slidingdrawers

I have no direct experience but wanted to say that this sounds very difficult for everyone involved. Are there charities which support partners of addicts? These may be good starting point or a free initial consultation with a solicitor who works in safeguarding/family law. An important issue will be ensuring your SIL is safeguarded as she is also vulnerable. Are social services involved with the family? They may be able to offer support.

Thank you Yes social services are involved and DB is registering her as a vulnerable person.

It is a horrendous situation and poor DB just feels like he's in free fall. The fact she won't accept help is making it all the more worse

Your DB just needs to ring the bank tomorrow morning and make an appointment to go and open the new account, It will take an hour or two of his time. If he explains the urgency of it all they may be able to get him in quicker. You're may be right about the childrens accounts but the bottom line is, the sooner he takes action, the sooner he can freeze the accounts (possibly). Maybe it will limit some of the damage if not all. The divorce doesn't have to be fully finalised to freeze accounts but you do have to have applied for one, anyway, best left to the legal people that one.

How is she getting cash, has bil taken away his and the DC cards. He needs to go to the bank and explain the situation, how old are the DC.

@MrsTwitcher

How is she getting cash, has bil taken away his and the DC cards. He needs to go to the bank and explain the situation, how old are the DC.

He has just found her debit card and taken it but she will still have access to cash from the DCs account (10 and 7 yo)

Just realised haven't even asked DB about credit cards

take the dc cards and bank books away and any credit cards you find, poor woman, alcholism is a terrible illness and what a shame she won't get help.

DB going to make an appointment with a solicitor.
Don't think he has even been able to entertain the idea of divorce (he still loves her and I think hopes she will recover), but sadly this that might be only Avenue left to him if she is refusing help and she is putting them at risk

I don't know if any of these will be able to offer him and the dc support,
does she have family or a social worker.
www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/domestic-abuse/

DB really struggling and almost paralysed in taking back any control of the situation. He has been signed off work and isn't sleeping. Literally living day by day looking after DC is all he can cope with whilst DSIL is so unpredictable.
I feel helpless as I'm 4 hours away and can only really be a listening ear especially during lockdown.

I feel he really needs to take back some control and have advised him to speak to a solicitor and the bank but I think he's too scared too as it sets a ball rolling he feels they won't be able to come back from.

He needs hand holding and almost step by step instructions on what to do. So apart from the above is there anything else I can advise him to do in these early stages? Apart from his PiL who are limited in their support he doesn't really have anyone else and very few close friends

To provide a more step by step guide we'd need a lot more detail and unfortunately your DB/SIL are the ones in control/knowledge.

To stop her having proper access, you need to do far more than just take away a debit card - what's to stop her walking into a branch and saying she's lost it? Some bank branches will let you walk out with cash if you provide ID and a likely story (bag lost/mugged/whatever).

What types of accounts are the kids' savings in?
If it's (say) an ISA or a LISA, those are harder to get to. Same if it's (say) in a Junior ISA. If it's just in a standard crap spare current account in his/her names, those aren't the kid's savings, that's just a pot of cash that she has stored away - as far as the bank is concerned, that could be a running away fund for her, or for buying a new car, or something else.. there's little protection.
Basically, for protecting the kids, it's better in SOME ways if it's genuinely held in their names. Usually done for tax reasons but also (e.g. cases like this) care reasons.. or if she was in an accident and "their" savings were raided to pay for her care (because the gov benefits system wouldn't see it as the kids money, would it?).

Anyway, all that isn't much use to your DB right now.

What you need to do is help him to figure out WHAT form the kids savings accounts are in, then work out a way to help protect it accordingly... there's just not enough info in your posts to help.

For getting him a current account, some online applications can be processed very quickly, especially if he's already a known customer. For example, if he has a credit card with (say) Halifax, but his/her current account is with Natwest, he could approach Halifax to open a current account more easily than randomly going to an unknown bank who may have extra checks in place because he's an unknown. Look there first.

Or look for more "online first" banks.
Metro has a current account that you can open online vvvv quickly, see
www.metrobankonline.co.uk/bank-accounts/products/current-account/
.. but there are others. Virgin Money is another mostly online one that i've used.

Start there - get more info, and figure out the most hassle free way of sorting this with him.

also find out about the credit cards. that's a huge potential problem with almost unlimited damage. focus on that ASAP!

bank accounts and debit cards can have funds emptied, but there's a finite pot. credit cards are a whole other scale of impact.

he can apply for free access to his credit report (lots of free services, such as www.moneysupermarket.com/credit-monitor/ ) can help.

He also needs to remove her as a secondary credit card owner if they have a joint credit card.

he needs to look at fixing that and cutting off her damage options there.

p.s. don't wait for the apt with a solicitor, he needs to act now on the £ front. by the time he's spoken to a solicitor and asked advice (which they're not experts on, they're legal advisors, not financial advisors) she may have done zero or HUGE damage.

he can mitigage all this himself before then (maybe not stop it entirely, but mitigate).

Thank you, I will try and talk to him tonight.
I also think he needs to get her to leave the house so he and the DC can move back in.
I get that she's vulnerable but the DC need some normality and their home back.

He's worried she will create trouble by turning up at all hours if they move back - I just think he should do it, change the locks and get a restraining order if need be. She does have other family in the area (although their goodwill is waning) so wouldn't be homeless.

Hope I don't sound too heartless, I just think that given she is refusing help, DB just needs to now do what's right for him and DC.

I just think he should do it, change the locks

you can't just do that if she has legal access e.g. is named on tenancy, is a joint mortgage holder.

you need to calm down, deal with this effectively, and help your DB figure out practical steps, not doing reactive emotive stuff like this that will just escalate the situation.

by all means explore the restraining order, and get the kids back into their home ASAP by legal means, but kicking her out if she has a legal right to the property will not help in the short or long term, seriously, that will only make things far far worse.

You're right, I need to stay calm for his sake. Just so difficult when I hear his distress and the turmoil his DC are in.

Will help him to make the proper steps forward