Payment of mortgage when separating from DH

[17bluebirds]

I need some help to get this straight in my head, please.

We've been married over 20 years. We own our house with 13 years left on the mortgage.
H moved out a few months ago. We used to pay the mortgage from a joint account that we both paid similar amounts in to. Now I am paying the mortgage on my own.

So is there a way I can somehow protect or record that I am paying it all, and get more of the equity when we sell?

Or does he just get to benefit from my payments and any increase in price in the mean time?

I really dont want to sell yet, he isn't pushing for that, but he is still part owner and that annoys me.
I can't afford to buy him out, my salary is far to low to get a big enough mortgage.

Any ideas what I should be doing?
Thanks

I suppose you are benefiting from being able to continue living there and benefiting from his share of the equity remaining in the house ? If he were to force a sale now would you be able to buy anywhere else on your own with the equity you have as a deposit?

V unlikely. Equity and mortgage could give me about 150k. I'd need a 3 bed place, for me and 2 kids. I'd not get anything in my area for that.
He would get a one bed flat for himself. So he will be ok.
That's why I dont want to sell yet..

He may not have to pay the mortgage, but he has the expense of renting his own place. Will a one bed flat be big enough, presumably he will want time with his children too? Best thing may well be to sell or could he buy you out but you have a greater share of the equity if you are the main carer for the children?

Depending on where you live, he could easily be paying more to rent a 1 bed flat than you are in the mortgage!
So first, make sure you’re being fair.
Why does he only need a 1 bed? Don’t you want your children to have their own bedroom at their dad’s house?
Once you’ve calculated that you’re being fair, then of course you can (and should) agree between you what to consider. Start divorce proceedings, and include it in your Consent Order.

He doesnt want the children with him. At the moment he looks after them in the family house when im at work. Doesnt see them apart from that. (Although to be fair, that is every morning and evening before and after school)

So if we sell, neither of us will be able to buy a 3 bed place. Really feel stuck here. The kids cant share (ds is 12 and dd is 17) dd is hopefully going to uni next year, but our local one as she wants to stay at home.

So is there a way I can somehow protect or record that I am paying it all, and get more of the equity when we sell?

No you need to think of this as paying rent on his half of the equity

No idea of the legalities, but from a moral perspective (assuming you are all still on good terms), I would say it depends how the mortgage compares to the rent he is presumably paying to rent elsewhere?

I have no idea what he is paying. He has moved into a HMO and is getting either housing benefits or his parents to pay for it.

On one hand I feel cross that I'm paying for an asses that he is still has a share of, and probably making a profit in increasing value, but on the othe hand, I really dont want to sell or remortgage , cos i cant afford it.

I've just had a quick look at a few sites. And some places say they wont lend to me, others want £500 a month more over 25 years to lend me what I need to buy him out. Both are impossible options.

It sounds like he doesn’t have suitable accommodation to have them visit, and if he’s seeing them 2x a day 5x a week, that suggests he still wants contact.

Is he in an HMO because that’s all you as a still financially connected couple can afford for him? That would have a bearing on what’s fair.

Have you filed for divorce yet? If you both agree that you’re staying in the house and he’s waiting for you to buy him out at a later date, it’s pretty standard stuff for you to agree a division of the asset that reflects any mortgage payments you make alone. You can’t just record it though - you need to make it official, and the best way is through a Consent Order.

However, it’s absolutely fair that he still gains from an appreciating asset, because it’s jointly his asset, that he doesn’t have the benefit of living in.

I've no idea why he chose to live there, he just said one day he was moving out.

I'm not sure he wants contact, just feels obliged to look after ds, who has sen and cant go to after school clubs etc. He doesnt see dd, she keeps well out of his way when he is here.

I'm just scared if I start divorce proceedings that I will end up in a much worse position. I really cant see how I can afford to house me and the kids on my salary if I have to start again. The current mortgage is affordable for me.

You need to speak to a solicitor. I think where you are responsible for children the split may not be 50/50.
Is your current mortgage deal on a very low rate that is no longer available anywhere?

Just a v small mortgage cos we first bought so long ago.
But I'd have to increase it by about 3 times to buy anything round here. Which I can't do on my salary

How are your pensions in comparison- is his far higher than yours?

Does he plan to have the DCs stay with him at any point in the future or accepts they will always be with you 7/7 days a week?

I kept the family house as my exH pension was over 3x mine, he didn't initially want to support childcare at all and I could afford the mortgage and paid it alone for about a year before divorce.

Niether if us have much pension provision at all.

If you both agree that you should stay in the house, for the children, then you have 3 things to agree on:

• what % split of equity you make now
• when you will buy him out
• how your mortgage payments from now on will be considered

The % is a question of fairness. I don’t think it’s related so much to the fact that you are in the house, as what your relative incomes are.
Once you agree that, whatever it is, you will owe him money.

It’s quite standard for that repayment to be delayed - but you need to detail it in your Consent Order, and possibly request a Mesher Order. It would quite normal for him to be owed his agreed % of the eventual selling price - not the cash equivalent of the % as it stands now. He would still own a % if the house, so his asset should appreciate.

Have you seen a solicitor yet, or had any conversion with him about the longer term plans?

Is he paying you anything at all, eg towards the kids?

I spoke to a few solicitors, but wasnt able to make any decision at the time cos it was all too new.
He isn't paying any maintenance, but has agreed for me to keep a larger %of our savings, equivalent to 18 months of minimum maintenance payments.
I dont really want to deplete the savings just to live but I guess I dont have that luxury.

At the risk of sounding manipulative... my solicitor told me that when someone leaves, they are more likely to give you a better “deal” in that immediate period. They feel guilty perhaps, or the feel an appropriate level of duty (rather than guilt!) and they haven’t yet had a chance to mentally decide they’re actually hard done by financially. Also no new interfering partner, sticking their oar in!

Those savings might be awarded to you anyway - so in effect, you’d be paying his maintenance for him 🤨

I’m not suggesting that he’s being unfair. It doesn’t sound like you have a big income difference or many assets. He’s living in an HMO so hardly the lap of luxury, and has skipped off with half or more of your savings. He’s also seeing his children (your older girl disappearing off doesn’t mean he doesn’t want contact) and caring for his son. So I’m not meaning to sound antagonistic. Sometimes, marriages break down, and assets are complicated, and nobody is actually being a dick.

I would try to move this forward, legally.

He isn't being a dick, you are right.
I was ill yesterday, got taken into hospital by ambulance. He has been great, stayed with the kids, made them dinner, looked after me whilst waiting for the ambulance etc.. Really kind.
But I still dont know how we will house ourselves moving forward.