Joint account or no joint account?

[wontonwoman]

Hey guys so I'm fed up of money! Fed up worrying about it and fed up of never having any enjoyment in life because of lack of funds.
DH and I have always been relaxed about how we arrange payments and never bothered with a joint account, but we only ever just get by. This is because we bought our first home late in life and in a bit of a rush. We were renting and our landlady was messing us about and kept talking about raising the rent significantly amongst other things (always coming in to repair and upgrade the flat etc it became never-ending) so we decided enough was enough and we threw everything we had into buying a house and not having any spare cash left over has been our downfall. We had nothing! No bed no sofa just nothing as we rented fully furnished. We got given stuff and then we bought a lot of second hand stuff. Anyway I'm on mat leave with my second, and my husband pays all the bills except for childcare (which is extortionate at £53 a day when I'm working) we have no family and no support and we have never had any financial support either. Husband has no money left after paying bills and he puts everything on his credit card and I pay it off each month. But I'm on statutory pay and it's his credit card so I don't know how much is owed. Just had the conversation as it's the end of the month. Me: how much do you need? Him: how much can you give me? It went like that I never got an answer and then he had a go at me saying I don't understand that after paying all the bills and mortgage he has nothing and we should have a joint account so I can see how much he spends. He's been going on and on lately about mixed things, he makes ok wage we are doing well then next thing he needs loads of money. He is the big spender and I am the frugal one. If he wants to go on holiday he will talk about it endlessly which causes lots of arguments even though we simply do not have the money to do it and he things we should just put it on the credit card. Now he wants a new tv so he is looking at getting on on Black Friday and sing a deal where you get the tv and start paying it off 6-12 months later. I'm tired of this battle. Would a joint account help or should I avoid given his spending!
Thanks so much for your help.

You're married and you have a mortgage I assume in joint names. You're already financially connected. In that instance I would want a joint account under the circumstances you describe so I could see where money was actually going. I wouldn't worry about scrimping and saving and not having much furniture though - a lot of people do that at the start. We had no curtains for a year, our sofa was a blanket over some boxes and we slept on a mattress on the floor when we bought our first house.

We don't have a joint account but we are with the same bank so can transfer money to each other immediately.

What you do need is a spreadsheet of every single outgoing that you have. Include everything. Phones, debt payments, kids pot, food etc. Only then can you see what's happening and can look at solutions. We are lucky enough to have some left after everything has gone out, and that gets divided in two. It's very transparent and fair. Remember that things should get easier when the kids are a bit older.

We have a joint account but the most important thing we do is sit down together ASAP after payday (I'm a SAHM) and go through finances, moving money around to wherever it needs to go. We make sure bills are covered in the joint, we each have some personal spending money and any excess in savings.

You absolutely must sit down and get your finances in order or you may well fall into a big financial hole that neither of you see coming

Joint account for all joint expenses that go out on debits. This includes food and all child related expenses. He may not have the debit card unless you have both agreed how much he can spend and on exactly what.
Joint savings account for holidays and new tv etc

Then an account each for personal spending on fripperies and wot nots and coffee out. So when his money is gone it is gone.

Thank you for your replies. I feel like something is wrong. We got some insurance money through a claim for a leak and it went to him. The work is almost finished and we will need to pay the tradesman soon. I wonder if he's spent it or something. I really don't know. He always get huge presents too for example I know that he spent almost £400 on my birthday. Maybe a joint account might be worth it then.

Don't. Keep your finances separate and stay in control of your money. If you can't trust him to manage the household income fairly while maintaining separate accounts, it's an issue with your relationship that a joint account is not going to solve.

@WitchesSpelleas

Don't. Keep your finances separate and stay in control of your money. If you can't trust him to manage the household income fairly while maintaining separate accounts, it's an issue with your relationship that a joint account is not going to solve.

Thanks. That was my gut reaction in the first instance but I was thinking that maybe I can see and control it more with a joint acc. But I hear what you are saying. He's either having an early mid life crisis or he's hiding some debts I recon.

He knows I hate debts and it really stresses me out. The amount of times I've said that can wait until I'm not on mat leave and have a full wage coming in, is u real I'm like a broken record. He has the attitude of if you want it get it money isn't real. But we have kids to think of now it's not all about us.
Someone said remember that kids grow up, you're so right the childcare costs are crippling. I feel tired of worrying about it all. I think I'd feel a lot better if I wasn't always trying to talk him out of buying big expensive things, but we are never on the same page when it comes to money.