Inheritance to share or not to share

[corgy]

My aunt died with no husband or children. She left a will and I am the only beneficiary.
I did not know how much she left me and I told my sister (also my aunt's niece but they did not get along very well) that I would have shared the money with her.
When we went to the bank we found out that the amount my aunt left was nearly £250.000, I decided to give my sister £90.000 and to keep the rest for myself.
She is now very upset with me and does not understand that my circumstances since I told her the 50/50 thing have changed. I lost my job due to Covid-19 and at the moment my incomes are lower than my outcomes. Her economic situation is not much better than mine but at least she has got 2 grownup children (27 and 23 still leaving with her) while my Dd is still 12.
I feel sad as this is the most selfish act I have ever done.

Tbh I think you were generous OP (although it was a bit silly of you to promise her half). £90k is a lot of money!

I'd be turning in my grave if I left a gift in my will for a particular person & they went ahead and gave it away to someone else. Your aunt left YOU that money so it should have been kept by you

You only need to pay tax if you die within seven years of making the gift, and it is on a declining scale so the rate if you die 1 year after making the gift is higher than if you die 6 years after making the gift. And this is inheritance tax so is not your sister’s concern as would come out of your estate in the unlikely event that was an issue. That aside, you have not done a selfish thing and don’t let your sister think it is. You gave her £90k of your money. That is v generous and I would imagine it is by far the most generous thing anyone has ever done for her. I also would normally be in the divide equally camp too and would definitely with my sister but your situations aren’t equal so if you did, there would still be in equality. Your solution at least gives you both some equality but the method to do that isn’t equal.

LOL. Laugh and say “ this attitude is why the money wasn’t left to you in the first place”

The mistake you made was to naively tell her 50/50 in advance, or to discuss it with her at all, really.

You do need to priotise being able to care for your child, and as a PP pointed out you won’t now be able to claim any benefits based on the amount of savings you have. Unless you put it all into your mortgage if you have one.

You e chosen to gift your sister £90k and she’s moaning it’s not enough....ffs

Greedy ungrateful butch springs to mind

With regard to the tax situation, hopefully it was done with a deed of variation, then there's no tax to pay I believe.

Your aunt left You the money, you ignored her wish and gave the money to the person she didn't like. I don't think it was the right thing to do at all, you should have kep everything. Given the way your sister reacted your aunt had a bloody good reason not to leave her any money

You aren’t selfish. Your aunt gave you the money you then gave your sister £90,000 that she should be grateful for.

The only thing that’s weird is that you imply that if the inheritance had been smaller, you’d have shared 50-50.

But anyway ‘share’ does not always mean ‘equal share’ and I think anyone bent out of shape about a £90,000 gift they weren’t previously entitled to doesn’t need to be listened to.

If you particularly wish to salve you conscience (and you shouldn’t have to), I’d give each grand-niece or nephew £10K each. That way her side of the family gets an extra £20k, given directly to her 2 adult DC, and you keep your DC’s £10K.

@PanamaPattie

How did your sister sort out her tax situation with such a large cash gift? I'm surprised she's moaning. I wouldn't share an inheritance with anyone! Never a good deed goes unpunished OP.

There is no tax on gifts. It might affect benefits but it doesn't have any tax implications.

Seven, and even then 97% of the time there will be none due. Only 3% of estates pay inheritance tax.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Why aren’t you respecting what your aunt wanted? Sounds like she had the measure of your grabby sister.

Absolutely this, I would be utterly livid (from beyond the grave) if I left my estate to someone I cared about and they gifted any of it to someone who I did not get on with, so disrespectful.

Personally I think you should have kept it and possibly only given your sister a token amount.

The "problem" is that you said you'd share it so it now looks mean in a way that you won't. Ironically, if it were smaller and you'd share it, of course your sister would have got less but so would you. If you'd have given her £10k of £20k and "managed" with £10k yourself, I can see that it looks odd that you can't manage with £125k.

None of this takes away from the fact that your sister has no entitlement to it - but equally you shouldn't have made a promise that you weren't willing to keep.

Your sister isn’t entitled to anything. You have been more than generous by giving her £90k. Your aunt didn’t want her to have any inheritance from her estate.
You don’t need to justify the reasons for the distribution of the money, it’s yours to do with as you please.

I guess it's your money to do what you want with but it's a shame. If your aunt knew you were going to give it to your sister, maybe she would have given you less and donated to charity or something.

"Sharing" doesn't imply 50%, it could be any amount.

My dad gave me a large sum (by deed of variation) when my nan died. He gave my sister 10% of that sum (she is not his daughter so not Nan's granddaughter).

I considered sharing my sum with her so we both had the same but to be honest she whined and wailed about it so much that in the end I decided not to. It also occured to her that I won't get any money when her grandmother dies. Also, she hadn't seen nan for years, where I used to visit her until fairly close to when she died, in the nursing home.

I gave her adult kids a few k each though.

I am happy I did the right thing.

This is why wills need to be fair in a family, not for the benefit of the person you may have valid a reason for leaving out but because of the aggravation you leave for the person you did care for.

You didn't have to share, but if you said you would share equally, you should.

Out of interest,when you said you'd share equally, how much did you think you were likely to inherit?

@SleepingStandingUp
I thought 85k, but as I said my economic situation now has changed.

YABU, I hate it when people promise something and then retract their offer. Your mistake was promising her half before knowing how much you would inherit and without carefully considering your own financial position first. I don't think you were morally obligated to give her £125k but once you'd promised it, it was shitty to break the promise and give her less.

As an aside, are you claiming new-style JSA (it's not means tested so you can) and do you rent or have a mortgage? It would be wise to invest the money in your home if you can; paying the mortgage or buying somewhere (shared ownership if you can't afford to buy 100%).

Something similar happened to me.
I was left an estate of over $1 million. I split it between my 3 brothers and my Mum.
I don’t regret giving Mum money, but I do regret how much I gave my siblings . With hindsight, I would have given them a token amount each of $50,000 and kept the rest.
At the time I was upset by my uncles death and I did what Mum told me to do

[quote corgy]@SleepingStandingUp
I thought 85k, but as I said my economic situation now has changed.[/quote]
So you were expecting to get £85K each, or you were expecting to split £85K, so £42,500 each?

I can see that if you were expecting £85K each that giving £90K is more generous anyway- but your changed circumstances don’t really figure into it, do they? If you’d got £170K (85x2) not £250K, would you have given her proportionally less due to your changed circumstances? So you might have given her only £50K, day? If so, tell her that.

But really, just own the decision to take more. It’s fine, but you need to believe it’s fine regardless of justifications.

[quote corgy]@SleepingStandingUp
I thought 85k, but as I said my economic situation now has changed.[/quote]
You're under no obligation to give her anything, bit of is been prepared to leave myself with £42k to share it with her, it seems a bit 🤷 to not be prepared to make do with £125k to split it evenly.

And I know your financial circs have changed but what would you have done if you'd only got the £85?

At the end of the day the money was left to you not your sister. It was your kindness that gifted her the £90k she should be grateful you gave her anything, as clearly your aunt didn't think her worthy of it. Personally If I was left an inheritance I wouldn't share it no matter how guilty I felt.