A different kind of thread

[Betty94]

Hello,

I've been on mumsnet for about 7 months now and I've seen all sorts of posts from "is £1500/1600 disposable income enough?", "is £150/160 disposable income enough" etc and comments suggesting that anything less than a £100k income a year is poverty stricken.

Would you agree that as long as you have a roof over your head, food in you belly, access to clean water and aren't scrimping for your next meal or the electric bill then you're doing pretty okay? I mean yes it's be lovely to have a day out every weekend or 6 holidays every year but there's much worse - I remember being on holiday in LA a few years back and the homeless people literally lived in tents and were so dirty - I think they'd kill to be in some of our positions.

A weird thread I know but I think sometimes on mumsnet we can get caught up in other peoples posts that we can forget how fortune we are and this is my new way of thinking and it's helped me a lot so I hope it helps someone reading this

I agree. I've been been in the position of feeling sick at the thought of checking my balance at a cash machine or seeing my entire salary swallowed up by my overdraft as soon as I was paid. We don't earn a fortune but we have enough to pay our bills, feed the children and have treats. I don't look at what other people have and don't care about the latest gadgets or cars, just having the peace of mind of knowing that everything is covered is enough for me.

Well of course someone who can get through the month is fortunate compared to someone living in a tent.

But there’s a stress in knowing that if your boiler breaks, you’re having cold showers and no heating for months, because you have no savings.

Or that if your car breaks down, financially you’re going under because you only get paid if you can get to work, and there are no savings to fix it.

Neither of those things might happen. My husband wouldn’t lose any sleep over what might happen - whereas I’d be in a permanent state of stress of what it.

Not affording treats?
Yeah, for myself I could appreciate that I wasn’t living under a bridge and feel the gratitude. But seeing my kids missing out? That would make me unhappy. (I’m not talking about latest iPhones and AF1s)

What if my child starts Y7 and everyone is making new friends and whatsapping in those groups... and my child is left out because I can’t afford a phone for him? Yeah, I can think about the guy living under a bridge. I’m still going to feel guilty and hurt for my child.

I’m all for thinking about how lucky I am... but for people experiencing relative poverty - especially seeing their children experience it - I certainly wouldn’t be telling them, “yeah - but others have it worse.” They know. But it’s still stressful and hurting them at their income level.

I do think I am very fortunate money wise.

But I also think it can be really unhelpful to tell anyone they should think they are fortunate when they are feeling sad because they can't afford something simple like a treat, a luxury or even a holiday.

comments suggesting that anything less than a £100k income a year is poverty stricken

Generalised hyperbole doesn’t help. No one has said this.

Most people DO have an ability to put things in perspective, but even if you are doing OK and getting by, it doesn’t stop you worrying about particular issues, or aspiring to more.

Human civilisation would still be managing on subsistence farming relying on leeches to cure ‘humours’ and relying on carts pulled by oxen if we had not striven to improve our collective and individual lot.

As you say a wide spectrum of fortune is present on MN so anyone who is not capable of having perspective has some form of issue.

RainingBatsAndFrogs there was a thread yesterday about minimum salary for family if 4, and someone did say 100k for an acceptable standard of living.

While many in poverty in the UK may be doing "well" compared to some countries, I dont think it's acceptable to have a rich, developed nation where people cant afford to eat and heat a home of a suitable size. I would also add to a basic requirement list, sufficient money stashed away to cover a broken washing machine or boiler breakdown without having to sacrifice food or utilities.

I honestly meant this thread in a more light hearted way in that sense as an individual I worry a lot about money and I constantly compare myself - it's all relative like people have pointed out, of course you're allowed to worry and it's shit but if you're constantly obsessing about it like I was then sometimes taking a step back and thinking you know what it could be worse and I'm not saying you're not allowed to be upset because people have it worse, that'd be like saying you can't be happy because people have it better. All I meant from this is sometimes taking a step back and being grateful for what we do have instead of what we don't can be helpful. I'm not telling anyone anything, I feel it's helped me stop obsessing over things and waiting to see what happens as in yes it'd be crap if my boiler broke but I'll worry about it when it actually happens and not before kinda thing

I agree. And I know this is an unpopular opinion but taking out of the equation the single people solely on benefits and those who have to subsidize their rents (for whom life is very difficult and benefits are not enough to live on), I really don't think that benefits are too low.

InTheLOngGrass
there was a thread yesterday about minimum salary for family if 4, and someone did say 100k for an acceptable standard of living

Which isn't the same as 'poverty stricken'. As in the OP.

I agree 100%
I typed a whole message but I think it would come across as inconsiderate, given your thread meaning. If anything, your thread is a kick up the ass to remind me that we can pay our bills without an issue. Anything we chose to save on top, or any debts we are able to pay on top are a blessing. I've been stressing all day but its taken me until reading your post to realise that I should be grateful. I am, thank you.