Why am I so worried about money?

[Catarinah]

I don't know what's the point of this thread really, other than ny constant worrying about money is really starting to effect me. I've always been this way, never really spend, most of the time I buy second hand, look around for bargains, a bit of a savvy shopper etc...but now it's getting to the point that everytime I spend it comes with guilt. So I have a good enough job, 30k a year, but will be going back part time in January so then 15k a year (currently on maternity). My OH is on 32k a year. We are home owners (mortgage of course) and both have savings, him around 10k and I actually have 64k saved just in a bank account (this is what I mean, this saving is just from years of being careful with money). Im 31 btw. So with ny situation in mind, surely there's no real issue to be constantly worrying about money? I'm a qualified teacher (this isnt my job now) so I know I can pretty much never be unemployed as I can always do supply work. My family were never in any money troubles as I grew up (theyre business owners). My OH is very free with money but has also done well to save, he didn't have anything when we met and now has a house and savings. I just don't understand where my worry comes from but I feel like it's robbing joy out of everything I do :(

I think you need therapy to understand what's going on.
(I know that will cost money!) but you might have a form of OCD?
If it's blighting your life you should do something about it sooner rather than later.

Oh I do have OCD, should've mentioned that, and anxiety, I've seen therapists etc so in a way I guess it's not surprising I worry about money!

Hope you're getting interest on the 64k, but interest rates are abit crap at the moment.

So it's a manifestation of your anxiety & OCD.
What did the therapists say?
In my experience you have to shop around for therapists, some are very happy just to take your money and have no interest in moving you on - you need to find one who is proactive in helping you recover.

@Bananalanacake no I'm not actually! Different stuff really, I've seen a few different therapists over the years and to be honest my greatest therapist is my boyfriend... He understands me and my anxiety better than I do! Anything else you can think of that I could do myself to proactively tackle this?

Don't keep £64k in a savings account earning nothing while you are paying interest on a mortgage!

I agree counselling would be a good way forward. This money worry can develop if people experienced shortages of money in their household when they were growing up. But this isn't true in your case.

Do you have a particular plan in mind for your money? For instance, are you saving and being frugal now because you worry about not having enough to live on in retirement? In which case, have you taken steps to look at building up your pension provision rather than just cash in the bank, so that the money is working a bit harder for you and better rewards the hard work you are doing to save it in the first place.

If you have a plan with clear objectives to work towards, and you could see that you were meeting them, you might be able to relax a little.

Yeah that sounds like a good idea. No I don't have anything in particular that I'm saving for.. Bigger house soon I hope, maybe start a business down the line, just life really!

How much is your mortgage and interest rate? You’d be far better paying a chunk of that off than having £££s in a savings account.

I'm not so sure that the OP should use her savings to pay down the mortgage. From what I can see, although she has the greater savings, they are not married and she is shifting to part time hours after her maternity leave. That will have a negative impact on her pension provisions as well as her own financial situation, and should they ever split up, more likely to lead to her being in financial distress.

If you have guilt spending money, perhaps a good idea would be for you to allocate yourself a sum of money each month that is yours to do with exactly as you want? I do that and keep an excel spreadsheet to keep track of it. Some months I spend hardly any of it and some months I spend a lot

@Candacewasalwaysright you are of course right!

OP are you planning to get married and/or have you ringfenced your assets?

Yes we are planning on getting married one day. Thats a good idea @Candacewasalwaysright. How much would you allocate? Dont even know what would be normal haha! I do spend by the way, but I'm savvy with it... Second hand/charity which I think is just smart shopping, but I'd like to be able to splash out more without feeling bad for it :)

Gosh, how much indeed?!

I suppose it depends on what you spend money on. My personal money is solely for what I spend, so clothes, cosmetics, if I eat out or travel with a friend, etc. I also retired early to move overseas for DH's job so I don't have to buy work clothes which you would need to do.

Ordinary toiletries, meals out with DH, joint holidays, they come from our joint funds, as did anything to do with the DC. I don't spend a single penny of my 'own' money on them, they are a joint expense.

DH and I have the same amount of money each month to do with as we want, perhaps you and your DP could do the same? FYI, he's s bigger spender than I am, so my running balance is always larger! If you're cutting your hours to look after your DC I assume you have some kind of joint finances.

Also, if you can't afford to make pension contributions from your new combined income to bring your contributions up to your previous full time salary level, I would definitely look to use some of the savings to make that up. Until you are married, you have no potential claim on your DP's pension if you split up, and so many women seem to get left high and dry when they have made the financial sacrifices for children. I'm not saying that you will split up, just that it's better to prepare for the worst situation and hope for the best.