My dad is dying, and my sister-in-law seems hellbent on scamming money out of him; any advice, please?

[Catwentfiddleifee]

I've changed my name for this, for obvious reasons. My dad has written a proper will through a firm of solicitors, leaving a small legacy to each grandchild, and the rest to me and my brother. The total is highly unlikely to incur inheritance tax (especially now), although my SIL has been trying to extract gifts from my dad on that basis (ie, give it to SIL's children now, so the chancellor doesn't get it).

A large part of my concern is that I want to put an end to my dad being pressurised to focus on money in his last few weeks/months - it literally makes me sick. It should be the last thing he has to worry about, especially since he's made a will and taken care of things.

I'd like to be able to circumvent any further attempts to manipulate my dad over money. Any thoughts or advice would be fantastic - TIA.

Tell her that any gifts donated within months of the donor's death are looked at by the Treasury and will incur inheritance tax if it is payable on the estate as a whole (he has an annual allowance of £3000 per annum which is tax free).

However, wouldn't it be better to speak to your brother and get him to reign in his wife??

I think your brother should sort it. It is pretty distasteful tbh.

I would do as freckle suggests take brother to one side and get him to get her lay off your dad so that he can not be under any pressure or stress especially as he has taken care of things. I am really sorry about your dad hug for you.

Thanks, Freckle - it's a difficult thing to raise. My brother - who is v difficult - would see it as me attacking 'his side of the family' if I said something. I have been trying to find a form of words for 'back off and let him die in peace' but haven't yet found it.

Thanks for the hug, Rosa. You can imagine how and I am.

I think it's gifts in the last seven years that still count as part of the estate, over the yearly limit for gifts.

Are you around when your SIL talks about this? I'm afraid there's probably little you can do about it, tbh, other than helping your dad as best you can.

perhaps something along the lines of "the stress of thinking/talking about money is making Dad worse I think we should just forget about tax avoidance it's too late anyway"???????

No, NQC, both my brother and SIL are crafty enough not to do it when I'm around. I only know because my dad tells me that he's agreed to pay this or that for their children, and my brother told me that SIL was trying to avoid inheritance tax by doing it. That was when we first knew dad was v ill, so I was too upset to take a stand.

Thanks, Cargirl, that is a good wording.

Thats so sad...perhaps you could just advise your dad that inheritance wouldn't be avoided by these 'gifts' and he should just tell her that his will is sorted and not to be such a money-grabbing bitch concerned!

Oooh, very good wording ...

Maybe you should just say 'back off and let him die in peace'. No point being subtle if your brother is difficult as I suspect he would find some way of taking it personally no matter what you said.

NotQuiteaCockney is right too. There is no point in hassling him to avoid the chancellor getting the money as the gifts won't make any difference to the IHT liability if there is one.

Sorry to hear that you have to deal with this.

I don't even know how they're going to get the promised sums out of him, unless they bring him his cheque book and stand over him. I suppose he can be made to relinquish small sums in cash.

Thanks, Niecie, you are very right about my brother - he will always be in a huff, whatever happens. And he will always make out that I'm in the wrong

I'm now thinking of writing to them, instead. I'm wondering whether to add something like 'don't bother trying to get him to change his will, it won't stand up in court' - (better worded) - but I don't know if that's true. My dad certainly wouldn't willingly disinherit me, but I can imagine that my SIL would have a go. My dad is still compos mentis, but is often in lots of pain, so would not necessarily look at what he was signing. And he does have to sign paperwork.

Would it be worth getting some sort of power of eterny (sorry bad sp I know) so you could have control over your dad's finances? If he is mentally aware now that's great but what happens if he deteriorates adn can be easliy confused into signing a 'new' will?

Another track is to try and find out about inheritance tax from a gov website and then present it to your b/sil in a 'hey, you've worried me about the inheritance tax thing so I've done some research and this is what it's about -do you want to have a look at the guidlines?' This can be done in a completely 'naive' way so you are not appearing to threaten your b/sil.

Could you suggest your dad comes to live with you? The you can at least be there for visits with the b/sil?

Part of me quietly thinks "eeek" at mentioning the will, as you could inadvertently put ideas into their heads.... Empathise, can't be an easy situation to be dealing with, when really money should be the least of your concerns. Just hope your SIL feels a sense of guilt somewhere down the line...

Does your Dad realise what she is doing? Or does she make it sound like she is doing him a favour - give us the money so the Chancellor doesn't get it but really we don't want if for ourselves??? Sounds like a right cow to me.

SO sorry to hear about your Dad.

Thanks - it's as you say, IWTBP. I don't want to say anything against either of them, because it would upset my dad to think they were trying to rip him off .

Is there anyone else who could speak tho either your SIL or your Father?

I just want to say that your dad has a very lovely daughter.
I don't know what you can do really just want to wish you well.

Really feel fo ryou hun. My auntie tried to get my dad (who had been signed over my grandfathers estate before he passed away) to give her power of attorney as they were ooverseas about 2 weeks before he passed away. She allso bought a new mercedes on hire purchase the week she found out he had cancer..... we just had to be blunt with her, it has killed family relations, but sometimes you just have to say what you have to say. is your mum still around, can she noot say something perhaps?