How would you feel if you found out your partner racked up 10K CC?

[Barrett1]

I found out (only because our house was up for a remortgage) that my partner had racked up a 11K credit card.

How would you feel about this in a relationship if your partner didn't consult with you about this and you only found out as you had to be transparent with finances through remortgage application?

I am so angry and upset. I am the complete opposite with money, I spend what I have and I make sure I pay more than my min amount if I ever borrow anything.

do you live together, been together for years etc? if its was mine I woud be annoyed as we have joint accounts and shared mortgage etc, but if we didn't then I'd see it as their personal finances and not too much of my business.

I’d be beyond raging. Can’t even imagine. What was it spent on? Everyday essentials or gambling, drugs, booze, gadgets?

It was stupid of them to think mortgage application wouldn’t look at how much debt you are in. But it does depend on your income and how much of a dent this is
On your house budget. If it can be paid back in 1y or 50.

We have been together for 10+ years and have children together. We also have a mortgage together and although he pays the majority of the bills as I work part time, I feel this is so selfish as I would never do this!

Ouch! Many a marriage wrecked on rocks like this. If you aren't married, it won't be your liability if s/he defaults, but it will impact on the amount of mortgage you can get and the rate you have to pay on it!

DP is csting you. Keep your finances as separate as you can manage and don't bail them out or pay more than your share or they'll drag you under. Think long and hard before marrying this person.

I have no idea what he is spending it on either - he is so secretive when it comes to finances!

u guess the concern then is why they've got the debt and why they haven't been able to tell you. what has it paid for ?

Oh, missed your last, sorry. What has he spent all that on?! Have you had any benefit, or the chhildren? I would be shocked and angry, I think, and want to know where all that money had gone and how he was proposing to pay down the debt.

I dont think the secrecy is good even regarding his wage and spending.
Both me and dh would have an idea of each others income and outgoings and savings. When you've been together so long and had kids, I dont understand the secrecy unless hes hiding something

I’d be wondering where the money had gone. Is it keeping the house afloat? In which case you need to get together and work out what to do - maybe you will need to go full time and contribute more. If it’s random unnecessary things then I’d be having a conversation about finances and sorting it out.

You need to know what it was spent on, urgently. If you’ve collectively been living beyond your means that’s one thing, though that level of debt with no discussion is shocking. But if he’s been buying crap off amazon or gambling etc it’s way worse.

Where’s it left you with the mortgage now?

Our remortgage will be fine; our combined salaries cover this, its more the secrecy for me and constant disregard for speaking with me when it comes to racking up debt. I would never spend thousands of pounds on rubbish with no explanation. Its just insane! He is not a gambler, or drinker, it does make me wonder what it is spent on. I will be going through his statements for sure.

You need to find out whether it's been racked up due to a gap between household income and necessary expenditure or if he's just been spending excessively on his own wants.

Also be aware that if it's gone on for a few years, a good portion of it could be simply down to poor financial management and have gone on interest, late payment fees and PPI cover rather than actual purchases.

If you need signposting to getting out of debt, you can find help on moneysavingexpert. If the debt is manageable, the first step would be for him to transfer as much as possible to cards or loans that charge less interest and then cut back on his personal spending to pay it off as fast as possible.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

Yes I’d need a breakdown and to know his plan to pay it off

My husband did this. Turned out to be a secret cocaine habit. Devastating. I only found out by accident too xx

This happened to me although it was a lot more! Also came out during a recent re-mortgage. I was upset but didn’t see the point in getting cross as it was done and no amount of ranting/raving was going to change that. What did change though was that I took control of the finances, we now have joint finances. It’s working so much better, he feels better now the burden has been taken off him (I know it was his fault) but we are moving forward and working towards financial goals together! He knows though if it happens again, that’s it.