Inheritance

[Sarahpaula]

This sounds strange to write but I wondered did anyone have any similiar experience and advice.

I grew up poor. And I was then in low paying jobs. My mum brought me up, my dad had nothing to do with me, and never paid us maintenence. I went to see him as an adult in another country, and he told me he didnt want to see me again, so i did not try again.

In my 30's, my Dad killed himself, and left me a substantial amount of money. A lot.

Three years ago. It is weird because I read about lottery winners losing the plot and going mad , and i thought how could it be.

But I feel the same. I have so much anxiety because I am afraid about spending the money on the wrong thing. It sounds stupid, but it has caused me a lot of anxiety in the past few years. I have become paralysed to spend it in any way, for fear of making the wrong decision.

I have wanted to buy a house , and put the deposit down on a few houses, and then backed out because I am so afraid of making the wrong choice.

I am getting torn up with anxiety about making the wrong decision on what to spend the money on.

I think this is compounded by the fact that I didn't know my dad and that he killed himself.

Anyone been through similiar? Any advice

I think the key is counselling, lots of it . And spend on a decent counsellor. And yes there's no rush to spend the money, let it sit there if you need to while you come to terms with it.

A house is a good investment which will give you the security that you never received from your Dad. Could you look at it this way rather than you don't deserve it (which is where I suspect you are probably at).

Buying something modest in a decent area won't be wasting money.

You have no control over what happened with your Dad. It was never your fault. You need to start seeing it as a gift rather than a noose around your neck.

'Feel the fear and do it anyway' is a great book by Susan Jeffers which would be worth a read.

Yeah I think my feelings are tied up in the circumstances. Inheriting the money was not easy, it was 2.5 years of stress and trauma.

As I said, I went to see my dad in another country when he was alive, and he didn't want to know me.

After he died, I had to go over and see his brother, who also treated me like I wasn't a part of their family.

My uncle was really cruel to me, and he told me that it was my fault that my father wouldn't see me. Because apparantly I had upset my Dad as a child. Lovely

I just need to heal from all the stress of my dad's death, and give myself time.

Inheritance is a strange thing because you receive money at a time when you are also dealing with a lot of stress,
In my case:
I had to go over and deal with My dad's family, who treating me like I wasn't part of their family at all. And were really cruel to me.
His family saying I shoudn't get the money and talking about making a claim about the will. Though my Dad specifically wrote in his will that he wanted me to have it.
My uncle telling me that my dad's girlfriend should have received the money.

It was 2.5 years of a lot of stress.

Thanks for the answers. I am going to take care of myself and heal for a while

I totally understand how you feel. However, buying a house isn’t wasting money. You have to live somewhere! Unless you pay massively over the odds for the house, then it’ll still be an asset, much like cash in the bank. You don’t have to buy a flash house - just one that’s comfortable.

@Soontobe60 yes I know. But I am not mentally well enough this year to buy a house. Buying a house is a very stressful process. I did try, and each step of the way it feels like people tried to talk me out of it. The surveyor said there were problems with the house, the solicitor doing the conveyancing said that she had found problems with the house and the deeds. They don't make it easy! So I am going to wait a while before I try again

Quite right op - give yourself time. I know it’s hard but please try to get to a place where you genuinely know and feel that it’s not your fault that your relationship with your dad was not good. I had to have children of my own before I really realized this

DidoAtTheLido gives very good advice op. Spend some on counselling, the very least he can do for you. Invest the rest temporarily till you are v c Lear in your mind what you want to do

*clear in your mind