AIBU don't want DH to go to Aunty's funeral

[Ladycoo1]

I'm a carer for my Dad he is dying of cancer. Him and my mum are vulnerable. DH aunty funeral is this week 2 hour drive away. DH has got to drive his mum and sister to the funeral they will obviously not be socially distancing in the car. Worried that we are putting my Dad at risk and if I get the virus I won't be able to care for my dad.

As tough as it is you are being unreasonable.

You can’t insist he doesn’t mourn his aunt or support his family.

I’m sorry but YABU.

They should sit in the back and wear masks.

I’m sorry for all you are going through as a family.

YABU. It’s a funeral - he only gets one chance to go. He can change his clothes and wash on his return.

Not sure why this is in money matters?

YANBU being worried about protecting your Dad but YABU about your DH going to the funeral.

There are precautions they can take in the car I.e. open windows, wear masks etc.

@Ladycoo1
Sorry to hear all you are going through. Try and get hold of the (can’t recall the name of them) FFP2 I think it is - face masks for everyone in the vehicle. Think they are about a tenner each. You could also do what some taxis do and put some plastic PPE in between front and rear passengers. I don’t think that’s being unreasonable. (But your dad probably does need to drive your relatives to the funeral, unless someone else can) take care

Masks in car and windows open. Then SD everywhere else

you aren't unreasonable to worry but DH has to do this.

risk can be minimised by dh's mum and sister being super-careful themselves to minimise their chance of being carriers, and all 3 of them wearing face masks in the car. on return DH should keep as distant as possible from you for 10 days (separate bedrooms etc) and then do a test which will probably be negative.

masks and open windows and when your dh comes back clean after yourselves, bathroom,
can he sleep elsewhere in the house?

Sorry you’re being VERY unreasonable, why is supporting your family more important than DH supporting his family?

Could you stay with your parents for 7/14 days after he comes back. I think most infections are in the first week after exposure. You could also look at the rates in the place they are travelling to. Rates here are incredibly low for example, might be less keen if it is in Manchester.

Thanks all I realise I'm being unreasonable. Just scared if I get ill or my DH I won't be able to look after my Dad. I am going to suggest they all wear masks etc but I think my MIL won't do that as she does not socially distance from other. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with trying to protect my Dad especially as my children go back to school in 2 weeks.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with trying to protect my Dad especially as my children go back to school in 2 weeks.

This must be really worrying and frightening. You've had quite a controlled environment over the past five months and as we remove more restrictions, it gets harder to control.

Try and remember that whilst you have lost some of that control, there is very low community transmission at the moment.

Sounds really hard decision for you all. However I don’t think it would be fair for your DH not to drive his sister and mum to the funeral. I’m guessing he’s doing that because there isn’t anyone else who can and to support her?

I guess DH will just have to take all the precautions he can to make it as safe as possible, but recognising there will be some risk. I guess that’s probably similar to when he goes to shops/work etc there’s an element of risk but you can do things to minimise the risk as much as you can.

OP don’t forget you can take precautions

In addition to what’s been suggested about your DH taking precautions going to the funeral, you can do your part with your Dad and Mum By taking precautions too. You can wear a mask, wash your hands often. If you’re very worried, Maybe change into different clothes when you arrive at their house. Clean everything you bring into their home too.

Thank you everyone. They are going to the funeral and we are all going to play it safe on each side. Feeling better for your support and advice.

Good luck OP