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Original poster

SAHM

21 replies

Mommabear20 · 15/08/2020 14:25

DH and I are hoping to welcome a second child next year, I have always loved the idea of being a sahm however unsure if we would be able to afford it.
Has anyone gone from 2 full time wages to 1 and not only managed but actually been okay financially?

OP posts:

ExCoffeeAddict · 15/08/2020 14:28

It would all depend on your outgoings. If your bills mortgage rent loans groceries etc cant be covered on 1 wage then no

If they can be covered by 1 wage then you will see a drop in whatever you had before but outcomes covered

Have you looked at current incomes vs outgoings and how much disposable income you currently have and then remove 1 income calculate the left over disposable income then and see if you can live on that?

Original poster

Mommabear20 · 15/08/2020 14:36

We could just afford it but just wondering if other people had done it and not felt drastically stretched. I know everyone is different and circumstances are unique but just wanted to hear other peoples experiences

OP posts:

Moreisnnogedag · 15/08/2020 14:39

It really depends on what you earn and what your priorities are. We love quite comfortably on my wage with DH being a sahp but I am a high earner and we aren’t into extravagant things.

You really need to be on the same page in terms of finances and spending as well as on how you view family income. For instance you need to discuss his attitude to you having treats and spare cash as well as access to the family money. I would be extremely cautious if you guys currently treat your money as separate and don’t even have joint bank accounts.

Original poster

Mommabear20 · 15/08/2020 14:41

Thanks for your replies :) definitely good for thought 😁

OP posts:

bluebella4 · 15/08/2020 14:42

I went from working an having my own money to becoming dependent on my husband. I was a SAHP for 10 years. Inbetween that we bought a home, his pay went up which meant I got very little benefit I.e. tax credits. So, I was going to him for money. Then his pay dropped (changed jobs) and we struggled. I would always suggest keeping on a little be of work. Throughout them 10 years I put away £10 a week saved for the days away. But I felt like I lost my independence and that feeling of 'asking for money' is awful!

To be clear, he didn't keep money from me. We just struggled at times, so then came the 100 questions of what I'm spending it on and his anxiety rising because we may not meet the bills because kids need shoes, clothes, etc I prefer having my own money. Im so glad to be working again.

TW2013 · 15/08/2020 14:43

Have you looked into both of you going part time? Tax wise it has advantages as you will be both using all your personal allowance and if full wage is at higher rate then you will both pay less tax. Plus of course the benefits of both bonding with dc, more equal home responsibilities and you maintaining your career prospects.

AnnaMagnani · 15/08/2020 14:50

Yes but:

One of us is a very high earner
We have very similiar attitudes to money - neither of us spends a lot
Neither of us has an expensive hobby
We already had entirely joint finances

JoJoSM2 · 15/08/2020 20:44

It works for us but DH is a very high earner.

I wouldn’t want to do it if it meant tight finances and worrying when the boiler breaks or there’s another emergency. It’s also important to consider your pension. If you stay at home for a few years, you might really miss out if the family finances don’t allow for contributions.

AnnaMagnani · 15/08/2020 20:54

Yes, we have kept up NI contributions and contributed to a pension for the non tax payer - you aren't allowed to do much but it is financially worth it due to how much the government contributes.

jomaIone · 15/08/2020 21:01

We did this, and we manage. It's too much of a stretch to go on holiday, and new clothes take a back seat for now but it's for a short time really. Once the DC go to nursery and school then I'll go back to work.

We added up all bills and outgoings, I have a good budget and get a certain amount for myself to spend on things I really need, we do manage to save some.

My husband makes £45,000, take home is £2400 a month. Bills are £1400, the rest is food, petrol, days out, baby/toddler groups and savings. It's not hard, we live a nice life but there's not much extra for luxuries. My husband doesn't get paid for overtime so there's no nice surprises for extra hours.

You'll have to work out what your partner would take home per month and get your bills as organised as you can. I have a note on my phone that lists my bills and when they are taken, all by DD. All bills out of the same account which we don't use for anything else. You can make it work.

jomaIone · 15/08/2020 21:04

**I have a food budget

bashcrashfall · 15/08/2020 22:03

We did on £26-30,000 in the SE. So yes its doable but we live fairly simply, are not overstretched on our mortgage and don't have any debts or loans.

We are happy as we are, but for me it was always going to be for a finite period while children were preschoolers. I also knew it would be relatively easy for me to find a job when I wanted one. (Not a very well paid one but thats about the sector I work in!)

If you are on a reduced income you need to put more time and effort into doing things yourself - DIY, vouchers, cash back, buying and selling secondhand etc. You have less money but more time. We also paid into a private pension for me, and I receive CB that gives me NI credits. There were times when I didn't much enjoy being a SAHM but I do think it was the right choice for my family. Fairly glad I'm past it now though.

GoneFishingAgain · 15/08/2020 22:38

Factor in keeping up your NI contributions, a pension for you and life insurance...

BarbaraofSeville · 16/08/2020 05:27

@Mommabear20

You need to work out if it works for your circumstances. If your DH doesn't earn enough to pay all the bills by himself, hearing about another Mumsnetter with a high earning DH doesn't change that.

If you carried on working, would you earn enough to cover childcare and other costs of going to work? Yes childcare is a joint cost but you have to look at the cost against the second salary for the impact on the whole household budget.

If you stopped working would you be able to get back into the workplace easy enough later on?

Could you do a couple of weekend or evening shifts to keep your hand in, with the added advantage of your DH being in sole charge for a decent chunk of time every week?

Ardnassa · 16/08/2020 07:41

Entirely agree with pp about ensuring he/you keep up pension contributions and NI while you are not working. A really big challenge for people who were SAHP when things don't turn out as they hoped.

So make sure this is included in any calculations!

Curlyhairedbrummie · 16/08/2020 08:13

For us, the decision for me to stay at home had so many issues included. We obviously wanted a sahp, there wouldn't have been much change left over from my part time wage when factoring in nursery fees, travel to work etc. DH is in a well paid job but we live in a really expensive part of the country so it doesn't go that far! But it's enough to cover all the rent, bills etc. We've made sacrifices like not going abroad for years, no new car, phones etc but we don't class these as huge compromises whereas I'm sure others maybe would.

wintertime6 · 16/08/2020 08:27

For those who are staying to keep up your NI contributions, I always thought that as long as you're registered for child benefit then you automatically get NI credits up until your youngest was 12?

JoJoSM2 · 16/08/2020 08:33

@wintertime6

Yes, you just need to register for CB and you’ll get NI contributions regardless of whether you’re entitled to the CB itself of not. Obviously, that only counts towards a very low state pension so it’s good to contribute to a private scheme too.

wintertime6 · 16/08/2020 08:45

@JoJoSM2 yes that's what I thought. And I agree that people should definitely be contributing to a private pension too. It was just that some people were saying that you should contribute to a pensions and keep up your NI contributions, which isn't quite right as you should get your NI credits without having to make contributions.

notheragain4 · 16/08/2020 12:35

Sorry if someone else has said this but remember it's not just the immediate impact, but the long term impact of being out of the work place 5+ years, how easy it is for you to get back into work, what are your long term goals, what do you want to provide for your children in the long term in regards to holidays, clubs, university etc. And also the lack of pension contributions for 5 years.

It's very easy to be short sighted when making this decision, looking at the immediate costs, but it's the long term impact I would be reflecting upon more.

That's not meant to sway you against it, just to reflect beyond just the first few years.

Grobagsforever · 16/08/2020 17:07

As a previous poster suggested you both going part time is a much better solution in terms of protecting your financial independence, pension etc. And it's more tax efficient

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