Question for anyone who was previously in a lot of debt

[rionephew]

What did it take for you to start sorting it once and for all?

My long term DP (we don't live together) is in a tonne of debt. Unbelievably he has another £20k of credit card facility available to him, so it has the potential to get a lot worse, and I suspect it will.

I've decided to be hands off about this, his debt doesn't affect me, no plans for children, and I've tried in the past to help him get on top of stuff without success. Not looking for relationship advice, I've already decided I'm not going to leave him.

In my head, he needs to get to the point where he's maxed everything and probably ends up on an IVA before he will change his ways. Just wondering what the "lightbulb" moment was for others.

I don't think i really had a lightbulb moment is was more just an uncomfortable feeling in the back of my mine that i kept on spending.

In the end, divorced and with £20k on credit cards I just did the snowball method as recommended by Dave Ramsey. I also put as much as I could on interest free credit card deals.

Do you know what he's spending it on? Can he sell some stuff to put towards it.

It woolly be when he can't get any more credit or when it starts to affect his current lifestyle. Is he not bothered about it?

Had a lot of debt in my 20s. Meeting my now DH and realising I wanted to make a life with him made me sort myself out. We have no debt since (except mortgage). He shamed me into changing my ways - blowing a considerable inheritance on fuck all.

My ex and I sold the house to pay his cc debts - over £20k
Did he learn ? No The debt soon piled up again
He was using cc it to get money from the atm

I’d say to anyone never ever get a joint credit card
Glad to hear your leaving him tho op.

Best way I think

OP has decided she isn't leaving her partner - but is taking sensible steps to ensure the debt does not affect her.

I suspect it will be when his credit runs out, but at that point he could be in so deep he becomes desperate. I would be clear with him right now that you will not be bailing him out when the time comes. In the meantime I would make sure you don't make any joint purchases that he could later use to 'blame' some of the debts on you - car, holiday, etc. And keep an eye on the amount of time he spends at your house (reducing his utility and food bills) to make sure it doesn't creep up to a level where you are actively subsidising his debt habit.

Best of luck to you.

I stopped burying my head in the sand when I had sent collectors knocking on the door, although I had very little money to pay anything at that point, but I did contact creditors and got interest frozen and the loan I had, had the term doubled and payment halved. Back then there wasn't a lot of help available if you said you were struggling. Companies (Halifax credit card team I'm looking at you) just said "you spent it, you pay it back". I did pay off quite a chunk after selling a house I had with a gambling addict boyfriend, but then I met someone else and built up more debt trying to struggle through (and paying his council tax debt so he didn't go to prison). Things didn't really get any better until I got rid of said waste of space boyfriend and wasn't carrying a second adult as well as a child on a single income. It took two jobs to pay everything off.

I just realised one day that I was sick of being in debt. I kept thinking about how much more money I would have to spend each month if I didn’t keep having to make debt repayments. It’s really hard to break a cycle of debt because whilst you are making debt repayments you have less money available each month so when you need stuff you are more likely to use credit to afford them.

When it got to the point that the amount I owed did not leave me with enough to pay for bills and ordinary living expenses. I went to Stepchange and they helped with stopping interest until I had paid off some debts and could then manage it myself. They give you a very tight budget but the feeling after the first month when I had about £5 left in my purse but had stuck to my budget was wonderful. I did have a secured loan too which was outside the plan and I really hope your DP has avoided one of those as they are not sympathetic.

I really do believe people need a lightbulb moment. Sadly, some people are forced into this situation by illness, unemployment etc. You are doing the completely right thing by not getting involved and not baling him out. The best way you can help is by checking out non profit sources of help like Stepchange, Money Advice Service, Citizens Advice, Money Savings Expert etc so you have information ready if/when needed and also being able to help with budgeting and spreadsheets.

Do you think he would have access to enough of your information that he could make applications in your name?