Student DS and money!

[PeppermintLilly]

Hello, I've got a bit of situation with DS and money management so would be interested to know how others would handle it.

DS is 20 (almost 21) and about to start his second year at Uni. Because of lockdown, he's been home since March. He didn't have to pay rent for the summer term, but still received his maintenance loan (£1800). On top of this, he received £500 a tax rebate. Despite nagging encouragement from me to get a job, he's done nothing about it.

He's just come downstairs all stressed out because he doesn't have the money to pay this month's phone bill. Upon questioning, I've found out he's managed to blow £2300 over the course of the last 3 months. From this he has paid £500 deposit for his house for second year and 3 months phone bills. The rest (circa £1700) has gone on clothes, food and drinking. He now has no money at all until he gets his maintenance loan in the middle of September.

I'm massively pissed off with him. He's planning to move into his rented house in two weeks time, but now has nothing to live on. I normally give him £200 a month during term time, but wasn't planning to start this until mid September when uni officially starts. I can afford to help him out, but feel he needs to learn a lesson. I've told him he needs to look for a job in his uni city, but obviously this takes time and he won't get paid immediately.

Would be interested to hear what others would do in this situation. I was bad with money as a student and it took me a long time to learn to manage my finances, so I want to do what I can to help him to understand he needs to be sensible and budget properly.

Oh this sounds like DH when he was a student. I bailed him out at the time (with my own student grants !!) and then he got a job at ASDA working nights stocking shelves and repaid me. They pay pretty well actually and he said there for the remainder of his degree.

We didn’t learn how to manage money until we graduated. We needed some help with it. We had an excel spreadsheet and it was our Budget of income and outgoing.

14 years later - we still use the same spreadsheet and update it monthly!

the banks were evil back then too with bank charges. It was a really hard situation to get out of.

Is your DS embarrassed? Or does he automatically expects you to cough up money to support him?

So sorry for all my typos! I have sun cream residue on my hands that won’t wash off 🤣

Personally I would use this an opportunity to force him to get a job as soon as he can. Tell him you will help out with some of it if he's got himself a job within X time period. Otherwise he will just expect you to bail him out every time.

£1700 on food and clothes No, don't bail him out. He can EBay the clothes if he can't be arsed to get a job. If he's late paying his phone bill so what. I assume you've got WiFi he can use.

It's not going to get a job in the current climate with unemployment so high and on the increase.

Is there anything he can sell to get some of the money back?

Yes eBay is a great idea!!

I would pay his phone bill but say you want the money back within 4 weeks.

I say this as a missed payment can affect his credit score for a while and he’ll need referencing done for future rented properties. Annoying I know as ideally he should pay for it himself!

But a missed payment will do a lot of damage

He definitely needs to learn how to manage money and probably learn the hard way! If this had happened in term time, he would be looking at not eating and so on.

However, part-time jobs are hard to find at the moment and is it worth him damaging his credit score by not paying the phone bill?

I don't know how much he does around the house for you, but perhaps you could consider hiring him as your cleaner (or similar) and pay him the going rate for this. That way he can earn the money and hopefully learn a lesson.

Agree with titchy!

I'd give him my politely disinterested face and ask him how he's planning to resolve this. I'd be making neutral suggestions like oh dear. That's going to be difficult for you. Can you sell your phone and buy a cheap one?

I would hand over money.
He can get a PAYG SIM card.
Sell things on marketplace
Apply for jobs, it may be difficult but he's not even trying so stuff that excuse.

@AskingforaBaskin

I would hand over money. He can get a PAYG SIM card. Sell things on marketplace Apply for jobs, it may be difficult but he's not even trying so stuff that excuse.

Wouldn't!!!

It's not going to get a job in the current climate with unemployment so high and on the increase.

My stepson just got a job in a pub, part time. Depends what he's prepared to do. There are definitely jobs out there.

I'd give him a very small amount of money if he needs to buy food. If he has gfood available at your house then no money.

He’s going to have to sell some things. Like his phone.

I guess if you can afford it, you could pay him minimum wage for two weeks of solid hard work cooking, cleaning, gardening, bit of redecorating ... but he has to work like he’s working for an employer, not his mum!

And presumably he's living for free in your house? (Is he contributing to food bills, household costs etc?) Wow, he's had it easy, hasn't he?

Presumably he won't have the money to pay his phone bill next month either. Lesson needed.

I find the best response to my ds in this sort of situation is to look mildly interested and say Oh dear. You might find he miraculously decides it would be a great idea if he gets a job as if he's just thought of it .

Don't do the thinking for him and don't solve the problem for him or the lesson he will learn is that you are the mug, not him.

A good 5-6 weeks with no money at all might be a worthwhile lesson for him.

If he's at home with you OP, he doesn't need any money, does he? He also doesn't need to move into his new house until just before terms starts either?

You can feed him on not very exciting food so he's not going to starve. If he needs toiletries, you can get him whatever's on offer at the supermarket, just enough to be hygienic, no need for lots of products or the fancy versions, mind.

Obviously, finding a job right now might be difficult or impossible. Has he had a job up to now, so he can go back to his old employer's to see if they have any work available?

Or could he try doing simple gardening for people that you know - he could ask your relations, neighbours or friends if they would like their grass cutting or some weeding doing. Or could he do informal childcare for anyone who needs it? Obviously he's unlikely to be able to safely care for babies and toddlers, but surely he could keep an eye on older primary school DC for a few hours a day?

My almost 21 year old ds who is third year at Uni is the same. he managed to blow 5k that his grandparents saved for him in his first term at Uni, has gambled money away etc, he is totally irresponsible but getting slightly better now. He is working at present, we pay his rent in his Uni town of £350 a month, he got no rebate for all the time he has been home due to covid.

Why not

• pay for the phone bill to avoid knock on consequences for credit rating
• get food shop or two delivered when he gets to new accommodation

Let him figure out the rest. That's what happens when you don't budget and blow that sum of money.

You could also point out how much the interest is for what he has bought, just to emphasise that it wasn't worth it.

I'd also pay the phone bill because of his credit rating, but he'd not get a penny of spending money and I'd insist on a cap being put on his mobile spending capacity, so I didn't get a nasty shock next month too. I'd obviously feed and house him but there'd be no going out and using the overdraft to pay for it. Either he got a job or he stays home! He can move into his new accommodation in September and you could get him groceries to tide him over until his student finance arrives.

Thank you all so much for your advice. Doing a food shop for him, rather than giving him cash when he moves back to uni is a great idea.

We've had a frank discussion and he's looking suitably sheepish and very apologetic. I've said I'll pay his phone bill for him (£30) on this occasion, as I don't want him to damage his credit record, but he needs to start applying for jobs in his uni town today. I've no idea how easy this will be, we live in the south east, and before lockdown it was easy to find work. I don't know what the situation is like now, but I imagine it's better than other areas of the country.

Between now and when he goes, he will be doing a series of jobs (painting the fence, gardening, clearing out the shed, etc). I'll be compiling a list!

Don’t forget August’s house rent op! DD in similar situation.

How's he spent £1700 on food clothes and alcohol during lockdown?

My DCs are at uni and love going out etc but haven't spent much at all during the last few months

Are you sure he's not gambling or something? Sorry to worry you but I would be very suspicious if one of mine said they'd spent that much recently.

I agree with @Cheetahfajita. DD had a similar amount with loan and tax rebate. She’s got over £1k left but has paid a month’s rent on house(£500) and for a holiday and clothes. She’s now working too but yet to be paid.

He needs to learn the hard way - pay his bill but no money unless he earns it, suggest he makes flyers to do odd jobs, mowing etc and puts through doors (my DD's are looking after kids whose parents couldn't find play schemes) and can't move until he can afford it. You could also pay him to do jobs around the house eg do you need the loft/garage properly cleaning, room painted. My dd offered to give me money from her student loan as she has been at home!

That sounds a lot of money to have got through - but I think back to my uni days. I am a fervent saver now and every penny accounted for but at uni I had a £2000 overdraft maxed out (back when they would do that!) and would live off my dad’s standing order of £20 every Thursday.

I think whatever you do is fine, but I’m really glad my dad helped me through when I was frankly rubbish at finances

Thinking of jobs- it might be worth looking into Covid testing centres in his university town. I have had a few Covid tests and lots of the workers look like students so it's likely they'll be going back to university so there might be some vacancies.

This is an example of one I found

www.reed.co.uk/jobs/general-assistants-covid-19-test-centre-kettering-corby/40652586?source=searchResults#/jobs/covid-19-test-centre-roles-jobs-in-west-yorkshire?parentsector=Transport%20%26%20Logistics&salaryfrom=17550.00000&salaryto=21450.00000&fulltime=True