Do you have secret savings?

[probablynotthesame]

Just that really.

I have money set aside not a huge amount less that 100k but more 30k my partner thinks I have about 15k. That wasn't intentional by any means I told him what I thought I had (I'm getting more out of a property sale that I initially thought) but said that was my money (we don't have a joint account) which he is fully supportive of my independence with money he has his own savings too.

Basically what I'm asking is it ok to have money that your partner doesn't know about? Is it dishonest? When I think about it I wouldn't care if my partner had 100k in savings as long as he was still paying bills and living within means.

Yes I do. No need keep all your eggs in one basket. X

In a marriage no, separate finances are still fine but each should know what the other has.

Dating like you are, no need to share the info at all. As long as a partner was contributing their 50/50 to bills what they do with the rest of their salary is upto them.

I do now, thanks to MN!

TBF, we have all shared income, DH is very generous and a high earner, I earn well too, not an issue, all shared. Due to a historic arrangement in which DH needed cash for expenses for his job he has extra “spending money”which & I don't know what he does with, occasionally he will hand over a grand In cash to pay for something big which comes from that stash. I don’t mind since i just help myself To shared money whenever I want for clothes, meals with friends, the house etc

But because all men on MN run off with a young colleague and stitch their wife up and leave them destitute, I decided it would be prudent to start my own secret stash “Just in case” - I’m have 2.5k now, I wont spend it and if we fall on hard times I would produce it, just as I know he would with his cash stash, But in the meantime, and just in case, I’m keeping it secret.

If the shit hit the fan, i would be OK.

Yes I do because my husband is shit with money. He has always had some savings which he thinks are secret, but they are not.
My savings are only recently accumulated because after reading threads on here I realised that no matter how secure you think your marriage is it is better to have a little money so you don’t feel the need to stay in a miserable or dangerous situation due to lack of funds.
It doesn’t matter if you are married or not as some people have suggested. Finding somewhere to rent requires money.

After my ex being financially abusive (amongst other things) I made sure next time I had my own savings that I didn’t talk about

It’s only about £6k but I feel so much safer having if there

We have joint savings too

I recently let DH know I have some money put aside and why I do and he understands my reading and had f asked any more about it

Maybe one day il get to spend it on something nice

I like that @Rebelwithallthecause I'm the same situation as you, I like that you're seeing as hopefully being able to spend it on something nice it puts a good twist on it

I do, thanks to MN. I'm in a very secure relationship, and am the primary earner. DH is not aware of my savings, but it is not exactly hidden. It is not a running away fund.

I started saving in an account that will go to the DGS's, about 2.5 years ago. I could kick myself for not doing so earlier - there was no reason not to. I think what gave me the kick in the pants was a dear friend died and left quite a bit to hers. She too was in a long term, happy relationship, but had her own savings to decide how to leave. I realized mine would be left to DH and then whatever he left to our DC and DGS's. I wanted to leave them something directly, so I'm squirreling 1200 a month into that account, and it feels very satisfying to do so.

DH would not mind, nor object in any way. I'm not sure why I haven't raised it. I think I will next time we do a finance review.

OP - yours is not hidden. You don't have shared finances so it is not relevant now.

If you are married I don’t think it’s right to keep money secret. Absolutely fine to have your own money in your own account under your control, but if you can’t be open about it there is already something wrong with the marriage.

No, we are married. All £ is joint. However I do the finances, DH would struggle to know where all our joint savings are.

How good is your marriage?
If you think you're going to need the money in case you divorce, doesn't that ask questions about your marriage?
AFAIK if it comes to divorce, the courts wont care whether you OH knew about it - it will still get devided up.
If the question is about trust, why wouldn't you trust your OH with the knowledge that you had 2yrs of salary in the bank?

We are married, I have no idea how much savings DH has or the value of his portfolio and he has no idea what I have. I know what is in the joint account and that we are doing ok.

If I asked to see his and share mine I am pretty sure it wouldn’t be an issue. Might do this later.

Is there a way of protecting savings if married?
I'm thinking of separating but should I give my savings away to someone else first?

I do have some savings of my own, but it's only very recently that I've been in a position to save anything, so my pot contains

I wouldn’t call your money secret as you don’t have shared finances.

Personally, I’d expect complete transparency and shared finances if we were buying a house together as that’s a huge commitment. If I didn’t want to do it, I’d probably move in together but rent the other property out.

DH and I have shared finances and nothing is secret. However, most of the money is in either of our names as that’s how ISA’s or other things work so there are substantial amounts of money that one of us but not the other can access. We do keep up to date spreadsheets and any big spending/saving/investing decisions are joint.

@itsmymess You could look at putting it into a trust fund, this would mean you can leave it to whoever you want, to be paid out in whatever manner you choose. For example you could pay out a lump sum to a child or grandchild on a specific birthday, or a regular monthly amount, etc. However, this does then mean you wouldn't be able to use it for your own purposes.

I think if you simply want to put it aside for your own use, it's a bit more complicated, as your savings would be fair game for splitting with your DH.

At the moment I personally have £0 saved as we moved and renovated a house in the last year. DH has a bit left that is being spent on the last of the decorating etc. We are pretty open about talking about money, and we have a joint savings account (again all money spent just now). DH earns a lot more than I do and as a result is much better at saving, but his savings get ploughed into the mortgage, and that has enabled us to move up the property ladder. He makes most of the big purchases in the house too (eg new sofa, new telly). Usually I have access to around £2k that I build up, but we depleted all low interest/easy access money first in this project. If I wanted to run away I would probably have to spend about 6 months saving right now. Luckily I don’t!

I think it really depends on the couple. This is one of those things that you talk about and agree on before getting properly serious.

In my marriage this would be considered a betrayal. DH and I are always transparent about finances and share everything. I think one of the reasons this works for us is because neither of us is particularly money motivated, nor do we tend to spend much, so we never really run into problems financially. On the rare occasion that one of is going to spend quite a lot of money it would be talked about beforehand - not because we need to seek permission, but more because we're both financially cautious so it would be quite a big deal.

I know plenty of couples who wouldn't operate this way and would find it stifling. Those couples tend not to get paid into a joint account, but would more likely pay a set figure into a joint account from their own personal account. Those couples may think it perfectly acceptable to have "secret" savings, or would consider it inappropriate for their partner to ask about them as they are deemed as private to that person.

Both ways are fine as long as they work within your relationship. You both need to know the rules though - I really do think this is one of those things that you have to decide on as a couple. Don't ever just assume.

No because that would be weird

When I got married a woman at work said always put a fiver a week away just in case anything happens and you need it for yourself,well I never listened and I always think bloody hell I'd have loads by now,(its now 25 years later).But then the amount of times somethings happened and we've needed money for something desperate ,I would have just come clean and told him about it and used it anyway!

I guess another way to look at it would be how much money would you feel fine about your OH keeping secret from you? And how much disposable income do you share?

@MsTSwift I don't think it's weird at all, I think it's wise and independent. I trust my other half 100% otherwise I wouldn't be envisioning a future with him BUT how may women have married a man committing their lives to them...for it to end in divorce!

No, and I think at the point you buy a house together you need transparency. As a PP said, buying a house together is a huge financial commitment and I wouldn't do it with someone I didn't trust completely in financial matters.

Having your own savings is sensible but that is different from keeping them a secret. DH and I both have our own savings accounts and personal money but also have joint bills account and joint savings. We know what is where though and I'd consider it a major betrayal of trust if he had a secret pot stashed away that I didn't know about, DH would say vice versa.

I think with a boyfriend as in your situation then it's slighty different and it depends how long you've been together and how serious you are, but if you're not being fully transparent when you're married then I'd assume there's already warning signs in your relationship.

Having your own savings is sensible but that is different from keeping them a secret.

This. I also agree such secrets would be a red flag.

It’s very weird. Why would you hide money from your husband? Have you been reading too many thrillers?

I would think Dh had gone mad if he started having secret accounts I didn’t know about wtf?! If you feel the need to do this surely you in the wrong relationship

You know if you get divorced it’s all on the table right? And the courts really don’t like people who hide their assets ...